The Girl From Park Heights

I Love My Black Folks But....

2009-06-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

...the 2009 BET Awards, 'the hell was that???

Ok, let's backtrack. I don't watch BET. Haven't in about 5 years. Just hasn't appealed to me in a very long time for reasons I can't always put my finger on but Sunday night was the awards show and I wouldn't have known if it weren't for the constant Facebook updates by my BET-loving comrades. I kept hearing about this outfit and that performance but everytime I turned it on, I kept seeing some bullcrap: Soulja Boy (who was just awful) or some tired performance by a newbie artist (don't even know all their names).

Finally, out of sheer boredom, I tried to sit down and watch some since they were honoring The O'Jay's. But I barely got through a whole 30 mins without changing the channel.

Why did I see:

hoards of people standing up like they were at a concert

too many dudes in sunglasses, in the indoor arena

guys in T-shirts. This is suppose to be a formal event, right?

a large sign over top of the stage which apparently changed peridically to show advertising. When I saw a huge sign for Applebee's, I was too through! Why was there an ad there?

people in the audience texting on their phone

Ugh! What a ghetto event. I know they had the best intentions but I also found the Michael Jackson tributes hard to watch. Seemed too soon, not strong enough and the poor O'Jays were completely upstaged. I also heard about Joe Jackson's sad endorsment of his record business with a mere nod to the MJ tribute. Leave it to Joe and BET to give us this.

Anyway I'm through. BET just aint for me.

Michael Jackson Forever

2009-06-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and realized it wasn't a dream.

Yesterday, after getting back home from a funeral and feeling this new lease on life, my sister called saying she heard terrible news. Skeptical, I said "oh no, its not true" and turned on the TV and logged on to CNN.com to confirm that he was in fact still alive. And he was. But I sat in baited breath for nearly 30 mins, while news reports came about how he was rushed to the hospital and the medical state he was now it. When they announced he was in a coma, my stomach turned and my throat got thick. When they finally announced that he died, every emotion I had, just burst out of me and I fell out in tears.

Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, my music legend, has died.

And my heart hang heavy was every wonderful memory I've had of his music flooded me.

The very first song, I remember singing the words to was Wanna Be Startin' Something when I was maybe 4 years old and my sister used to play that record. I remember when she brought a video tape home of Thriller and I was so excited but then scared to death when MJ turned into a werewolf.

I recall sitting in amazing with my mother watching the Motown 25 special where Michael showed the world the Moonwalk for the first time.

I remember a neighbor performing the whole dance to Beat It on my front porch and all us neighborhood kid sgathering around and watching in awe. I remember watching that video and coming away thinking gangs were stupid cause Michael said so.

I when the Bad video premiered on TV and my mom calling me and how everybody scattered to their homes to see it and how everybody at school was a buzz talking about it the next day. I also remember the huge crush on him I had at 8 years olf when I decided I wanted to marry him.

I remember when the video for They Way You Make Me Feel came out and how I hated that skinny bitch he was chasing, cause well, that was my man! I remember the kids in school trying to pick on me for loving him that much and how I stood my ground then (and now) and was never deterred.

I read his book Moonwalk cover to cover and watched countless hours of Moonwalker adoringly. He was like magic!

How could I forget the sheer excitement of watching hims dance in Smooth Criminal, when he defied gravity, dance the bad guys away and looked so sharp in his white suit.

I was there when Dangerous debuted and he had the first video showing this new morphing technology on his Black or White video.

I stayed up late at night during my moody teens listening to Stranger In Moscow on my Walkman, when I felt like I had no one in the world.

I felt a soft spot again when Butterflies got airplay and he showed a more romantic side on his Invinsible album.

It have continued to play my beloved Michael Jackson when I was feeling down, needed a smile, something chill to, groove to or wanted to shake my booty down to the ground. And throughout my whole life, his music has been there.

I stood by him during all the rumors, the jokes, the legal allegations, the craziness, etc. cause no matter what, he was the best artist of my lifetime, hands down!

And will always be there.

I think it goes without saying much more that the man, the artist, the music meant everything to me. And no one can take that away from me.

He will live on and so will the music.

Forever in my heart.

The Hell That Is Job Hunting

2009-04-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

What started out as an optimistic search for my next exciting, fulfilling career has now turned into the bane of my very existence, and yet, one I can't really get away from if I have any hope of getting gainful, full-time employment again: job hunting. It's driving me completely nucking futs. Here is the worst of it:

Long, drawn out applications
You know its bad enough being jobless but some applications are too daggone long. I've filled out applications for the government that have taken 45-55 minutes at a time. I'm exhausted afterwards. The most hair-pulling aspect being that most of these applications ask you to upload an electronic resume only to then ask you to fill out a tedious application where you then are asked to type in ever field from your resume all over again "name__address__ number__, school's name____, supervisor's name___, her number___, zip code___ etc). ALL of that is on the resume but they still need to typed a 2nd time. Grrrrrrr.

Being asked things twice
And I don't mean what I just mentioned above. I ran into this while filling out another federal job application last night. Because I was applying for two grades, I needed to send two applications. During the first, it asked me to write, in 300 words or less, of a personal experience on the job. I had two questions to answer. I gave it some thought and penned my best response at that moment. I then moved on to the next grade only to find out they asked the exact same questions. And there was no saving or back button, so I had to think hard and try to remember verbatim what I'd written 10 mins earlier. And usually the first time is more eloquent. Had I of known they do that, I would have saved my first response on the computer somewhere. Maddening!!

Faxing stuff
What is the point of this?? I applied to a job that then required you to print out a documentation form and fax it in for confirmation. All day long I tried to fax it while the fax on their side never picked up. Puh-lease! Stop wasting people's time with this. And why can't I stick it in the mail? Why fax anything?

Registering for sites just to apply to jobs
Another step that I swear will only create more wasted web space, but I continually run into this. I'll go to a job board like Indeed.com, find a job that looks promising, click the apply button, only to be redirected to some recruiter's website where I then have to register a user name/password and fill out my life story plus the story of my conception and birth just to apply for one stupid job. I have registered now for a dozen of them by now and I can barely keep all the names straight if I need to opt out later. Far worse is when you spend all this time registering and you're now ready to apply and the damn site hasn't even stored what freaking job brought you there in the first place. Hello?? Remember? I came here with the job already found? Webmaster?? Somebody? Whoever the hell, needs to check that site and stop enabling this nonsense. I just wanna apply for a job, not join another useless organization. Productivity people! We have a black president now! We can overcome shoddy webmastering too!

Fake ads
Probably my worst offense and most have come from Craigslist which I barely look at anymore (see previous post on more). But early on, I'd run into many ads that listed descriptive qualifications, education, duties and responsibilities only to find out its a work-at-home scheme, a scam to get you to enter your info in some site or get you to buy some service. Also in this category are marketing jobs that are really sales jobs. I'm not stupid, marketing and sales are very different and if its a commission-based job, just call it what it is, a sales rep position and stop trying to pass it off as an "marketing" position.

Old ads
Also ran into this problem early on and that is with applying to ads that have long been filled but somehow still pop up online. I found a wonderful position one night and stopped what I was doing to prepare a resume and cover letter to perfection only to hear from the hiring manager the next day informing me that it was indeed filled weeks prior and that some sites hold on to the ads indefinitely. Slightly heartbreaking, though I got over it.

Scammers and other time wasters
I've also had a few alleged recruiters calling me to discuss a potential opening at their company (or for positions not even created yet), speak to me for nearly 20 mins. only to never hear from them again. I had a recruiter email me about setting up an in-person interview for a position I'd applied for. He gave me two available times. I agreed to one of them. Never heard back. I mean ever! WTH!!

Well that is enough of my rant for today. It could always be worse right? I mean I could actually be employed and faced with dealing with all the discontents that comes with that daily.

Pfff, I only wish.

Tales of the Unemployed II: Craigslist is a Joke and Where is All the Vodka Going??

2009-04-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

Back on the scene, crispy and clean-- actually more like crunchy and a bit more on the broker side. Either way, I've been gone too long and I feel like I have some 'esplainin' to do but rather than to bore you good people with my diatribes, since I've been struggling with obvious blogger's block and felt inspired at the moment, I'm just going to spew out whatever's been on my mind. That ok? Good!

So 4 months in and nope! No job yet. Plenty of interviews but the same ol' BS, the economy, blah, blah, blah. You know the story, Meanwhile I have been keeping busy with personal projects to strenthen and enhance my work portfolio which includes studying web design, working on a writing portfolio, volunteer work, regular running sessions at the gym and various other things I'd have on my to-do list for the past several years. I guess I could say I'm being my own boss. But lemme tell you the pay and benefits are terrible.

First, I am so done with Craigslist! Maybe because marketing is easily tied to sales and scams but 90% of the ads I've come across are scams. They look like regular and reputable job postings but what you get back is another work-from-home-after-you-pay-an-initial-startup-up-fee garbage. And the level of ridiculousness in the ads are laughable. For a master's and 5 years exp, one ad promoted a pay of $12 hourly while another would train and touted "no exp. necessary" and work for home with potential to make, ya know, like $150,000 annually. Who is falling for this crap? Not Park Heights!

While I spend my days feverishly job searching and clearing my throat when the phone rings (professional voice ready! then dealing with the letdown when its just my mother), I've also caught up on lots of mindless TV. My latest drug of choice: Real Housewives of New York. Ugh! I cannot stop watching the madness. It is great. First, its a nice diversion from dreary Bmore life but I've also found watching these tight-bodied, successful ladies inspiring, especially my girl Bethenny; running her own business, with more one-liners than a seasoned comedian and the body of a supermodel. Where do I sign up for the seminar? No, seriously, seeing all that she's accomplished has motivated me to do more like starting my own side business and building a website. And the catfights! Too inticing. Kudos to Bravo for giving me a new fix in between Nip/Tuck seasons. Nothing like a good shot in the arm.

And speaking of fixes, I don't know where all the damn vodka and tequila in this peice is going? A whole bottle gone in less than a week. I'd love to know who around this mug is drinking up all my good stuff! And who knew tequila costs as much as it does. On my way to a "Brokeness" party I got my lil feelings hurt when I decided to be the margarita girl without considering the price of alcohol these days. I mean dayyyy-yum!

So that's pretty much my wrap-up. The kitties have been keeping me company during the day and my daily dose of lovin' comes to me as a chubby, fuzzy, lil furball curled up on my lap with her lil head and paw propped up on the keyboard (love my Muffin), purring and letting me know she's at home. Whomever does not like cats has never known a truly lovable one. And that's a pity.

It could be worse, so much worse, so I'm thankful for the gifts, small and large and making good use of my professional break. Cause when I'm back, I'm gonna be so back... and crispy clean, looking lean and hopefully making some mean green. (sorry for the wack rhyme, couldn't help it).

Michael Jackson's Final Curtain Call?

2009-03-05T10:26:00.000-08:00

And I got a bone to pick with that!

So the King of Pop makes his big announcement today that he's making one last tour, 10 concerts in July, in London. London? London only? *serious eyeroll*.

First off, I have been an MJ fan since birth, I supported him through his first child molestation allegation and have every album since Off The Wall and some Jackson 5 stuff too. I have not yet had the pleasure to see him in concert and would love to but I don't have the ends right now to fly to London. Why the hell is he confining his tour to one arena and one outside the US. Hater! I swear! Why is London getting all the love?

Pfffffff. I guess my MJ concert dreams will remain just though. Oh well. Curtain call!

My Oscars Boycott

2009-02-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

...yeah a day late and a dollar short. Shoot me, it was a busier weekend than I'd anticipated.

But back to what I was typing, I don't really do the Oscars anymore, since they began plucking my nerves a few years ago. Yeah, call me a pooper but I just really get sick of the celebrity worship that goes on in this country at times and particularly during these really unstable and unsure times that are scrawled across the face of any newspaper today.

My beef this year is simple, while millions of Americans are losing their jobs, losing their homes and losing their minds, I just can't quite applaud with glee overpaid, overexposed and overrated, stanking rich folks, who are already on top of the world and given opportunities, luxuries and goods that the average Joe will never see in two lifetimes, the chance to win more accolades, praise and worship.

Nope! Can't do it.

And for what? These trash-ass movies I can barely sit through? I just don't really share the enjoyment of giving more to people that have more than enough. I'm suppose to celebrate?

Hollywood can kiss my entire ass!

All My Single Ladies: Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

Yes, once again, its time for the much dreaded V-Day, Valentine's Day and while I know so many people loathe this day for its forcedness of trying to honor a supposed Valentine, I've always found this day fun (and not just because its my B-day) but because I think it doesn't need to be reserved just for lovers, but for friends or anyone you love.

For the past few years, I have tried to plan at least on outing with my single ladies to dance, drink and be merry and be each other's Valentine's. Who says that its only for significant others? It's a day to show whomever you love that they are special to you and I try to do that.

So for V-day haters, you can switch that around. Send your mom a nice card, drop a good friend a note to let them know they are appreciated, give your homie a hug, just show some love. Then buy yourself a box of candies, some flowers, treat yourself to a new outfit (got myself a new blouse and a bag) grab some good people and celebrate...yourself!

Be your own damn Valentine!

Happy Valentine's People!

Apartment Living Rant

2009-02-09T02:11:00.000-08:00

I am tried of the ghetto people who live here who drive and park up on the curb and sidework (the curb is very low). It kills the little bit of grass we have and blocks people in!

I am tired of hearing the noise from the girl upstairs from me who babysits wild-ass kids and lets them run like monsters all over top of me!

I'm tired of the young neighborhood kids who play in the halls and the parents who don't do a thing about it!

I'm tired of people slamming their doors shut all.the.time!

I'm tired of hearing people's loud, stomping footsteps over my head.

I'm tired of people holding coversations in the hall which can clearly by heard from my living room.

I am tried of hearing people coming and going at all hours of the night and beeping horns on top of that.

I'm sick of hearing people having sex over my head at 5am.

I'm sick of needing quarters to do laundry.

I'm so over looking at plain white walls (that cannot be painted).

I'm tired of hearing people yelling their convesations across the parking lot, up to their balconies or anywhere outside of my building.

I'm tired of having no cross ventilation with only 3 windows (on the same side).

UGH! I know, its gonna be alright. Cause soon as I can, I will move to bigger and better. Got your own housing rant, feel free to unload here.

25 Things You May Not Know About Me

2009-02-04T06:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, I got tagged on Facebook and yes I do take the time to fill out those silly things. But relax, you won't have to worry about being tagged as your turn.

1. I really wanted to be a professional performer as a child and I think I get frustrated at time as having a "normal" life.

2. Most time I feel like a huge kid that never grew up.

3. When I was little I used to think that perhaps there was an audience watching me in my life on their TV just like how I watch sitcoms of people who don't know I'm watching them on mine. I also thought maybe my life was the plot of a movie without my knowing about it.

4. I have ADD when it comes to watching TV. I can barely sit through a full movie and oftentimes TV shows. It seems to be getting worse.

5. I have always been and still am a huge lover of porn.

6. I am very, very nearsighted and have been wearing glasses since I was 6. But I'm mainly in contacts. Can't do a thing without lenses.

7. I sing along to many commercial jingles. Including "Priceline Negotiator!"

8. I still have issues with my looks. I have my moments when I think Beyonce has a run for her money and others when I think I look like a nappy-headed pile of dookie.

9. I was the class clown as a kid. At times, it sneaks out now.

10. I really regret not going away for college and experiencing a life outside of Bmore. My goal is still to leave one day.

11. I have a few secrets I plan to take to the grave!

12. I have a really strong singing voice but am terrified of singing in public. One day, I will overcome that.

13. I am forever a Daddy's girl and he was truly my soulmate.

14. I cannot count in my head for shit, which is why I hate numbers. I can, however spell easily in my head which is why I love words.

15. I was a habutal liar as a child because I loved telling stories and coudln't find the outlet to do so. So I made them up as real and told them to people. I once told my childhood best friend (Tracee) my father was a jazz musician and I had 10 brothers and sisters (sounded good to me!). I told another friend I was from Saturn and that I had special powers.

16. I have dreamt of owning a house of my own more than I have of getting married. I am obsessed with having a house. (one day)

17. I am a total internet junkie. I get withdrawal after a few hours away.

18. I cuss like a fucking sailor and I really need to stop that shit.

19. I snore, real, real loud. (ask Brien)

20. I am agnostic, nearly an atheist and I don't really believe in anything. Never have. Probably never will. Me and blind faith don't get along.

21. I was a horrible student growing up and hated every minute of school and have no idea how I actually got a graduate degree.

22. I have trouble telling time with regular clocks (again trouble with numbers).

23. I have never felt like I fit in with my family. I just don't feel like I am like any of them.

24. I have a fear of really, really large statues. I feel almost faint if I get too close to them.

25. I can't yet swim (but I plan to learn).

Tales of the Unemployed

2009-01-29T18:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm finally ready to come out to the world: I'm unemployed! Yep, you read right, this girl from Park Heights, who had been working steady since 1995, lost her job right before Xmas 2008. Sad but true. It took me some time to really come out to others for a number of reasons. But mainly, it just took some adjusting and I had to spend some time making peace with my new situation and grieve a bit. It's hard (out here for a pimp) right now and I don't deal with dissappointment that well.

So I've been pounding the pavement hard, which translates to hitting the keyboard seriously hard as in hunting down jobs online, networking, and reconnecting with people. Also been spending time reevaluating my skills, positive and negative to see what needs to be improved and if my talents can be better utilized in new and different area. It's been a weird month and a half but I resolved to start the new year off on a good note, proceeding forward with a vengence on my new future. And the feedback, so far has been very good.

And I'm not going to focus on the boo-hoo-hoos of being jobless but share with you the more interesting observations I've had being income-challenged:

the less you do during the day, the later you stay up at night. I have to force myself to bed before 1am and that gets harder and harder
Aflac are a bunch of assholes! I've told those fools at least 4 times I am not interested and they keep calling and emailing. Must be the suckiest job in the world.
my cats really act like fools half the time
Recruiters who call are more serious, recruiters who email are usually full of BS.
there is NOTHING on TV during the day. That is motivation enough to keep a day job.
my cats Muffin growls every single time the mail lady comes. Everyday. I wonder if she's been doing this for the 3 years she's been living here. Everyday??
Craigslist is hit or miss for finding jobs. Many scammers there, though they haven't fooled this one!

I also have to mention there are a few times when being job-impaired has its positives:

when the weather is crappy, I can decide whether to leave the house or not and usually that decision is a fat no.
sleeping in til 11 or noon daily aint half busy. When most are busting butts at work., I'm fixing eggs & bacon and checking into my Facebook.
there's no shame in wearing PJs and sweats most days. Or showering every other day. Why waste good soap?
I'm getting a lot of reading done.
If my mom wants to pass me a 5 for giving her a ride from work. Cha-ching!
the work stress that was causing me to lose my hair and consider a career in hardcore porn is OVER! And I never have to see my old supervisor again! Peace bitaaaaaaach!

I'll be back in the grind again one day. And when I do, folks better break out cause I'll be coming through like a true foo schnick!

Farewell President Bush, and Oh Yeah, Good Riddance

2009-01-16T01:47:00.000-08:00

Yep, folks, this is it, Bush's big curtain call and not a moment too soon. And according to opinion polls, 75% of Americans surveyed say a big fat "good riddance" and are glad he's leaving.

Kinda sad. For him anyway.

And I almost feel sorry for him. A bit. I mean when I mess up or screw up, I can at least grieve in private, with few people knowing and quickly move on as if nothing happened. But can you imagine, your failures being so public, so great, affecting so many people and leaving so many disgusted and disappointed? I couldn't.

In fact, I've been wondering for the past month (as I've watched people excitedly plan their Obama inauguration plans), what must be going through Bush's head? Knowing or at least being known as one of the worst (if not worst) president's in US history. To see so many people dancing in the streets over the new elected president and awaiting new change. How does one deal with these kind of grandiose shortcomings:

only 45% of people believe Bush was a strong leader (down from 60%)

only 25% view him as managing the government effectively

only 17% believe he united the country

40% believes he leaves a negative legacy

I mean damn! Those are some tough numbers to swallow.

And so it is done. His term is wrapping up and America is finally getting the new president we'd been praying for. But I gotta admit, he was good for a few laughs and had me cracking up a couple times with his "Bushisms".

But alas, we must say goodbye to this 'error' in time. I'll leave you with a few funnies, from our former ( YES!) leader and president of the United States.

PEACE OUT!!!!!!!

Friend Request Be Damned

2009-01-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

Why? Why do people I have never heard of in life and have no friends in common with, request my friendship on either Facebook or Myspace? Myspace I can kinda understand cause its so freaking ghetto and peeps on there don't care but Facebook too?

One, if you know me, why not send a message along jogging my memory (and I have a pretty good memory of people I used to know). Second, if I don't know you why the hell would I add you based on nothing? That's not how it works in my book. I have no interest in adding someone I don't know for the purpose of getting to know them. Don't work that way. Honestly, the best thing is to at least send a message first, see what I am and if there is any interest to learn more about each other. I'm getting tired of ignoring random mofos on Facebook on the daily.

Seriously!

Mayor Sheila Dixon Indicted, Another Setback?

2009-01-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

Anyone in Baltimore has probably heard the news of Mayor Sheila Dixon being indicted on 12 counts of felony theft, perjury, fraud and misconduct. No, she has been found guilty of these charges just yet but here's what really disappoints and pisses me off about these cases.

I will never understand why it is that when people rise up to this level of success, particularly black people, with all the struggle it took for us to even get these seats, then get there and can't keep their noses clean! I mean, anyone who watches the news and the way public figures' lives are scrutinized and examined should know there will always be someone in your business, someone trying to find the dirt on you, trying to bring you down. There are always people digging in your past and just waiting, with baiting breath for you to fail. Why give them what they are looking for!? Why not, keep your shit on the straight and narrow so that when your time has come to an end, they will have nothing to say except what an excellent mayor, athlete, actor or what have you, you were? Don't people get that these things are not easily overcome and that people will forever remember them for the bad, not good. Why not look at yourself as a model of how far we can go and keep your record clean!

It pisses me off because I feel when a black person messes up, it sets us as a whole back. When we go out here in the world and get the privilege of doing things and making changes, let's do it better. Make the naysayers look foolish, not yourself! Make it easier for the next black person striving to get where you are. Make it so there is nothing but good coming out of this.

Because we are still being judged by the color of our skin, though it may not be put out like that. Your failure is our failure. And I'm talking to the Kobe Bryant's, the OJ Simpsons, the Micheal Vicks, the Marion Berrys. There are still people out there (maybe right next door to you) that think we as a racial group are low-class, are golddiggers, are ignorant, are of lower intelligence. Make them say "wow!" not "well they did some good things BUT!" Cause like it or not, you represent us all when you go out in the world.

K, getting off my soapbox on this Monday morning. Have a good one ya'll.

Should old acquaintance be forgot...

2008-12-31T18:05:00.000-08:00

...and never brought to mind?

That song always makes me feel a bit sad.

But here it is New Years Eve and like every year I am left pondering; the good, the bed, the life lessons, the new friends, experiences and journeys and what I can do to make the next year better.

This year started off well and ended kinda rocky but while there were some trying times, some wonderful things happened too, including going to Rio de Janeiro and witnessing Carnival, finally see LA, having all kinds of new fun and finally getting engaged.

Resolutions? I'm not making a long list this time but the main things are to make teh most of this year, to pursue new opportunies, move up into better and to of course to get married.

I think it'll be an interesting year.

So long 2008! Hello 2009!

Some Favorite Movie Quotes

2008-12-30T19:25:00.000-08:00

Forrest Gump

Lt. Dan Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet Gump?

Forrest: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him sir.

Boogie Nights

Floyd Gandolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.

When Harry Met Sally

Harry: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

The Color Purple-I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly, but dear God I'm here, I'm here!

Heathers-

1) Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

2) Grow up Heather, bulemia is so '87.

3) Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?!

The Opposite of Sex-

1) Matt Mateo: I'm bisexual.

Lucia: Puh-lease! I went to a bar mitzvah once. That doesn't make me Jewish.

2) If I save one kid from getting butt-fucked, from having his ass totally reamed until it looks like the Lincoln Tunnel and he can't stand up for three weeks, then maybe all of this is worth... something. Teachers everywhere have to learn that no means no... at least until we've dropped out.

Rocky Horror Picture Show-

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

Willy Wonka & The Chocolat Factory-

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

O Brother Where Art Thou-

Pete: You miserable little snake! You stole from my kin!

Ulysses Everett McGill: Who was fixin' to betray us.

Pete: You didn't know that at the time.

Ulysses Everett McGill: So I borrowed it until I did know.

Pete: That don't make no sense!

Stress/Porn

2008-12-15T11:42:00.000-08:00

This just in: I am so unbelievably stressed at my job right now, I am actually considering a full-time career in hardcore porn.

My chosen porn name: Chianti Biggins!

If I'm gonna wok my ass off, I might as well, earn the cash for it.

Thankful

2008-11-26T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. Woke up at 3am with a mulling headache, barely slept and had to drag my ass into work an hour early. I'm stressed, annoyed, agitated and all I wanna do is crawl back into bed with a kitty cat sleeping next to me.

BUT! I need to take a moment to count my blessings and give my thanks. Cause no matter how crappy things can feel at times, I know there are blessings. I just need to remind myself sometimes.

And 2008 has been wonderful to me. This year, I am grateful for:

my health- not a sniffle, ache or cough has held me back. I am strong, healthy and able-bodied.

my new job- its been a struggle at times, but I feel fortunate to have found a job during something I really like, with great pay, benefits and location.

to be debt-free- felt SO good to pay off my credit card adn Rio-related fees this year and put those cards away. If I don't have the cash, then I don't need it.

financial security- many aren't so lucky in these times. I'm especially blessed to have the freedom to plan a Hawaiian wedding, look into buying a house and support a family. BONUS: finding out I have excellent credit!

my adorable kitty cats, that bring me joy and laughter everyday.

fun and supportive friends- who else would I get my drank on with, swivel my hips on the dancefloor with or talk some ish with. 3 years ago, I barely had a social life, now I have a great circle of friends and comrades, including my bestest homegirl, Rebecca.

finally finding an easy and cute hairstyle that suits me instead of trying to make my locks do something they can't.

my family, who has become more supportive and encouraging of me over the last few years.

my fiance, who has quickly become more to me than just a lover and a companion but also a best friend.

and lastly for my father, ALWAYS, for showing me the love, support and guidance that will stay with me for a lifetime. Though its been nearly 5 years since his passing, never have I forgotten his advice, his words, his thoughts, his essence. His presence in my life for 25 years has remained one of my biggest blessings.

The Dream of Homeownership

2008-11-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

So I made the decision over the summer to explore the very real possibility of buying my own home within the year since I feel more than ready but also because housing prices are at their lowest and its seems like a great opportunity for me. But being ready and eager and finding something you love and within your price range is already proving to be a real challenge. And I'm not even that picky, I think my wants are simple. I just need:

an easy commute- or specifically nothing worse than my commute to work right now which is 25-40 minutes (depending on season and time of year). I'm lucky right now cause I'm close to the metro and I take 83 down which has been pretty easy lately (usually under 30 mins.)

2-3 bedrooms, 1.5 baths- obviously, I'm not looking for another bachelorette pad but a place I can raise a family or bring my first child (which is NOT on the way) home to. I'm looking for someplace I can comfortable be in for the next 5 +years.

Family-oriented community- piggy-banking off #2, it has to be an area I'm comfortable raising a child in, that means good schools (which are hard to come by in the city). I don't want to be near the bar scene, high crime, high traffic or noise. I want to be able to sleep soundly at night without honking horns and people constantly coming in and out.

multiple-levels- I need more than a single story, to accomodate myself + 1 and all the damn pets and kids we may (will) acquire.

Pretty simple right? So what are the obstacles?

finding all this within my limited price range. I refuse to become a foreclosure story so I'm choosing to buy beneath my means. But naturally that makes it that much harder to find.

finding it within a time span in which I won't have to break my lease (I got a wedding to plan now)

finding one with my price range that isn't a total shithole.

Add to that all the contradicting advice I've been getting: its a bad time to buy... its a good time to buy...you should get a condo...you should get a townhouse... you should rent for 2 more years, renting a house during this foreclosure season is a mess, etc.

It's enough to make my head spin. Luckily however, I feel I know what is best for me in my life right now. At nearly 31 years old, I don't see much reason to put this off for more years and especially since I plan on starting a family. I just need to get there. And I'm ready. I am pre-approved, have the 10-15% down payment, the income and the extra cash for renovations. I'll get there.

I just need to hang in there, keep saving and keep doing all my research,

The Perpetually Single Girl is Off the Market?

2008-11-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

Indeed. And with all the hints that were dropped leading up to it, I was still very much shocked.

Here's the short version. Saturday night (or Sunday morning 11/2, one year and one month from our frist date) midnight, I'm lounging around in my South Beach booty shorts and dingy Bailey's tee covered in cat hair, not caring that my man is on the way cause its going on midnight and he's about a hour later than I'd like him to be. I got an attitude. I was hoping we could spend more time together before I got tired and here it was, not going to happen. I opened the door for him and didn't even greet him with a kiss. I was equally cold as I sucked down the bottle of port he brought over and inhaled the cheese we began to eat and he cooly made conversation. Being the occasional brat I can be, I wasn't enthused.

We're lying lazily on the couch watching SNL when he makes a comment about how so many people are getting engaged these days. I scoff it off. Who cares? That's me, right? He then asks me to look in his night bag for a green peice of paper and read it. I'm like why? right now? Can you get it for me? No, he insists. I have to get it and read it myself. I pick my lazy ass up and get the paper and flop back on the couch. I open it and read the first line.... Dear Mr. (my last name). He stops me and tells me to read the front to see who its addressed to. The letter is addressed to my father, who passed in 2004.

I turn it over where my boyfriend has written an eloquent and sincere handwritten letter to my father, beginning with that though they haven't met, one of the things they share in common is a love for me. He mentions briefly how we met the year prior and what an "amazing woman" he's raised. He then goes on to write about how he promises to show me unconditional love, to protect and watch over "his little girl" and how he promises to be a "wonderful husband" to me.

He closed the letter by asking my father permission for my hand in marriage. When I put down the letter, there was a ring box in front of me. My mind isn't processing what is in front of me. He'd said many, many times that he wanted to marry me but I couldn't get that this was it, this is him proposing. He then said something very sweet and asked would I marry him and my response:

OMG! Are you serious??? What? Are you crazy? No, for real? OMG! Are you serious! You're crazy! What!

I honestly just had it in my mind that this moment was years away (if ever) and that it wasn't happening now. I could not believe any of it. But he assured me that this was the real deal and happening right now. And of course, I said yes!

And it seriously took all night and most of the next day to hit me. I'd been single for so long and had grown so jaded that I simply stopped dreaming of finding love and wouldn't allow myself to fantasize about such things cause I never wanted to get my hopes up again. I'd long already accepted that love and marriage may not happen so much that I couldn't believe the proposal even when it was happening. But he made me a believer. Before our very first date, he told me to never lower my expectations and to always expect the best; aim high. He taught me that I didn't deserve anything less.

So what now? Wedding? Marriage? Honeymoon? In-laws? I can't even believe those words even apply to me, the once perpetually single girl and yet here I am talking about a destination wedding, with a rockk onmy finger and an adorably, loving fiance. Fiance, I can barely believe it!

And I feel like the luckiest girl around. And I know that my father would approve because I am soooo happy!

Yes, yes, YES!

2008-11-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

Really? Is there anything else left to say? I nearly kept my eyes closed this whole election cause I just didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed again. But yesterday when I stood in line to cast my vote to Obama/Biden, I couldn't help but allow that glimmer of hope at the possibility of a
BIG FAT WIN!!!!!!!

So what's next? Let's CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!
And through 2009!!
Wooo-hooooo!!!!!

Final Word on This Election

2008-11-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

I know I said I was sick of it and was ready for it to be over. And I am. But I woke up at 5:30am this morning despite having a nasty head cold and feeling muggy from Thera-Flu cause I began thinking of getting out early to hit the polls. And even though I had been sick the night before and even had a second thought about going out at all today, I felt this immense sense of pride and excitement when I pulled up at my voting place at 7:15am and saw a line all the way down the block. I felt so proud of my community for coming out for this.

Even funnier was when I got in line, round the corner, I began to feel overwhelmed, near tearing up at the prospect of Barack Obama being the first African American president. I never really thought this would happen and this soon and the excitement I felt made me feel very emotional.

And so I stood for an hour and a half with all the other folks, who couldn't wait to cast their votes and I put mine in.

I walked out at 9am and late for work but feeling really good.

We just have to win this one! We have to.

Obama all the way, baby!!!

Halloween Hangover

2008-11-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

The next morning checklist:

sleeping til noon- Check!
finally getting up and walking like a cripple from dropping it like its hot- Check!
dizzyness- Check!
light-headedness- Check!
not remembering highlights like getting on stage and cooing my theme song to a crowd of onlookers-Check!
waking up with eyelash glue all over my face- Check!
finding my wash cloth with pink makeup smeared all over it- Check!
realizing that I peed in front of 3 other women- Check!
waking up to a fantabulous guy who thought I was the fucking hotness the night before- Check!

Have to say it was a really good Halloween! My girls came up with the fabulous idea of going as the '80s cartoon band, Jem and the Holograms (cause we're truly, truly, truly outragous). I was Jem, my girl Cat was Shana and Morgan, Aja (sadly, we had no Kimber). And though we were a bit worried we'd look like drag queens or hookers, we were recognized by quite a few although while on stage for a costume contest, we were playfully referred to as Lil Kim and the Holograms and Jem and the Juicy Booties! Whatever, cause we rocked it! And Halloween is fast becoming one of my favorite holidays.

I Am Over This Election

2008-10-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

I made my decision 4 months ago. I don't want to hear another word about Obama, McCain or Palin (we don't hear about Biden anymore). I am over it.

I'm sick of the ads.

I'm sick of the news coverage.

I'm sick of the debates, discussions, the updates, the mud-slinging.

I am sick of all of it. I just want it to be over.

Period!

My New Blog!

2008-10-26T11:30:00.001-07:00

I am SOOOOO excited about my new blog I just created over the past several days since it will be devoted to my biggest passion; music! Posts will cover all things music-related and I think it should be a lot more fun to read. I'll still have this one however, so don't go deleting the link just yet.

So bookmark today! Check it out, read it, comment, e-mail to a friend, subscribe and join in the convo at Music Is My Religion.

Hallelujah!!

Shocking Video of the Moment

2008-10-23T18:02:00.000-07:00

My cousin just sent this video to me and I was so APPALLED! First I was expecting to see something really status quo like older kids or teens doing something kids do, but this...this is so horrendously sad.

I don't know the real story behind this but I would surely hope someone intervenes here before that little girl ends up knocked up at 12 or 13. AND that little boy grows up with a overtly sexualized view of black girls.

Everything is wrong with this.