The Girl From Park Heights

I Love My Black Folks But....

2009-06-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

...the 2009 BET Awards, 'the hell was that???

Ok, let's backtrack. I don't watch BET. Haven't in about 5 years. Just hasn't appealed to me in a very long time for reasons I can't always put my finger on but Sunday night was the awards show and I wouldn't have known if it weren't for the constant Facebook updates by my BET-loving comrades. I kept hearing about this outfit and that performance but everytime I turned it on, I kept seeing some bullcrap: Soulja Boy (who was just awful) or some tired performance by a newbie artist (don't even know all their names).

Finally, out of sheer boredom, I tried to sit down and watch some since they were honoring The O'Jay's. But I barely got through a whole 30 mins without changing the channel.

Why did I see:

hoards of people standing up like they were at a concert

too many dudes in sunglasses, in the indoor arena

guys in T-shirts. This is suppose to be a formal event, right?

a large sign over top of the stage which apparently changed peridically to show advertising. When I saw a huge sign for Applebee's, I was too through! Why was there an ad there?

people in the audience texting on their phone

Ugh! What a ghetto event. I know they had the best intentions but I also found the Michael Jackson tributes hard to watch. Seemed too soon, not strong enough and the poor O'Jays were completely upstaged. I also heard about Joe Jackson's sad endorsment of his record business with a mere nod to the MJ tribute. Leave it to Joe and BET to give us this.

Anyway I'm through. BET just aint for me.

Michael Jackson Forever

2009-06-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and realized it wasn't a dream.

Yesterday, after getting back home from a funeral and feeling this new lease on life, my sister called saying she heard terrible news. Skeptical, I said "oh no, its not true" and turned on the TV and logged on to CNN.com to confirm that he was in fact still alive. And he was. But I sat in baited breath for nearly 30 mins, while news reports came about how he was rushed to the hospital and the medical state he was now it. When they announced he was in a coma, my stomach turned and my throat got thick. When they finally announced that he died, every emotion I had, just burst out of me and I fell out in tears.

Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, my music legend, has died.

And my heart hang heavy was every wonderful memory I've had of his music flooded me.

The very first song, I remember singing the words to was Wanna Be Startin' Something when I was maybe 4 years old and my sister used to play that record. I remember when she brought a video tape home of Thriller and I was so excited but then scared to death when MJ turned into a werewolf.

I recall sitting in amazing with my mother watching the Motown 25 special where Michael showed the world the Moonwalk for the first time.

I remember a neighbor performing the whole dance to Beat It on my front porch and all us neighborhood kid sgathering around and watching in awe. I remember watching that video and coming away thinking gangs were stupid cause Michael said so.

I when the Bad video premiered on TV and my mom calling me and how everybody scattered to their homes to see it and how everybody at school was a buzz talking about it the next day. I also remember the huge crush on him I had at 8 years olf when I decided I wanted to marry him.

I remember when the video for They Way You Make Me Feel came out and how I hated that skinny bitch he was chasing, cause well, that was my man! I remember the kids in school trying to pick on me for loving him that much and how I stood my ground then (and now) and was never deterred.

I read his book Moonwalk cover to cover and watched countless hours of Moonwalker adoringly. He was like magic!

How could I forget the sheer excitement of watching hims dance in Smooth Criminal, when he defied gravity, dance the bad guys away and looked so sharp in his white suit.

I was there when Dangerous debuted and he had the first video showing this new morphing technology on his Black or White video.

I stayed up late at night during my moody teens listening to Stranger In Moscow on my Walkman, when I felt like I had no one in the world.

I felt a soft spot again when Butterflies got airplay and he showed a more romantic side on his Invinsible album.

It have continued to play my beloved Michael Jackson when I was feeling down, needed a smile, something chill to, groove to or wanted to shake my booty down to the ground. And throughout my whole life, his music has been there.

I stood by him during all the rumors, the jokes, the legal allegations, the craziness, etc. cause no matter what, he was the best artist of my lifetime, hands down!

And will always be there.

I think it goes without saying much more that the man, the artist, the music meant everything to me. And no one can take that away from me.

He will live on and so will the music.

Forever in my heart.

The Hell That Is Job Hunting

2009-04-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

What started out as an optimistic search for my next exciting, fulfilling career has now turned into the bane of my very existence, and yet, one I can't really get away from if I have any hope of getting gainful, full-time employment again: job hunting. It's driving me completely nucking futs. Here is the worst of it:

Long, drawn out applications
You know its bad enough being jobless but some applications are too daggone long. I've filled out applications for the government that have taken 45-55 minutes at a time. I'm exhausted afterwards. The most hair-pulling aspect being that most of these applications ask you to upload an electronic resume only to then ask you to fill out a tedious application where you then are asked to type in ever field from your resume all over again "name__address__ number__, school's name____, supervisor's name___, her number___, zip code___ etc). ALL of that is on the resume but they still need to typed a 2nd time. Grrrrrrr.

Being asked things twice
And I don't mean what I just mentioned above. I ran into this while filling out another federal job application last night. Because I was applying for two grades, I needed to send two applications. During the first, it asked me to write, in 300 words or less, of a personal experience on the job. I had two questions to answer. I gave it some thought and penned my best response at that moment. I then moved on to the next grade only to find out they asked the exact same questions. And there was no saving or back button, so I had to think hard and try to remember verbatim what I'd written 10 mins earlier. And usually the first time is more eloquent. Had I of known they do that, I would have saved my first response on the computer somewhere. Maddening!!

Faxing stuff
What is the point of this?? I applied to a job that then required you to print out a documentation form and fax it in for confirmation. All day long I tried to fax it while the fax on their side never picked up. Puh-lease! Stop wasting people's time with this. And why can't I stick it in the mail? Why fax anything?

Registering for sites just to apply to jobs
Another step that I swear will only create more wasted web space, but I continually run into this. I'll go to a job board like Indeed.com, find a job that looks promising, click the apply button, only to be redirected to some recruiter's website where I then have to register a user name/password and fill out my life story plus the story of my conception and birth just to apply for one stupid job. I have registered now for a dozen of them by now and I can barely keep all the names straight if I need to opt out later. Far worse is when you spend all this time registering and you're now ready to apply and the damn site hasn't even stored what freaking job brought you there in the first place. Hello?? Remember? I came here with the job already found? Webmaster?? Somebody? Whoever the hell, needs to check that site and stop enabling this nonsense. I just wanna apply for a job, not join another useless organization. Productivity people! We have a black president now! We can overcome shoddy webmastering too!

Fake ads
Probably my worst offense and most have come from Craigslist which I barely look at anymore (see previous post on more). But early on, I'd run into many ads that listed descriptive qualifications, education, duties and responsibilities only to find out its a work-at-home scheme, a scam to get you to enter your info in some site or get you to buy some service. Also in this category are marketing jobs that are really sales jobs. I'm not stupid, marketing and sales are very different and if its a commission-based job, just call it what it is, a sales rep position and stop trying to pass it off as an "marketing" position.

Old ads
Also ran into this problem early on and that is with applying to ads that have long been filled but somehow still pop up online. I found a wonderful position one night and stopped what I was doing to prepare a resume and cover letter to perfection only to hear from the hiring manager the next day informing me that it was indeed filled weeks prior and that some sites hold on to the ads indefinitely. Slightly heartbreaking, though I got over it.

Scammers and other time wasters
I've also had a few alleged recruiters calling me to discuss a potential opening at their company (or for positions not even created yet), speak to me for nearly 20 mins. only to never hear from them again. I had a recruiter email me about setting up an in-person interview for a position I'd applied for. He gave me two available times. I agreed to one of them. Never heard back. I mean ever! WTH!!

Well that is enough of my rant for today. It could always be worse right? I mean I could actually be employed and faced with dealing with all the discontents that comes with that daily.

Pfff, I only wish.

Tales of the Unemployed II: Craigslist is a Joke and Where is All the Vodka Going??

2009-04-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

Back on the scene, crispy and clean-- actually more like crunchy and a bit more on the broker side. Either way, I've been gone too long and I feel like I have some 'esplainin' to do but rather than to bore you good people with my diatribes, since I've been struggling with obvious blogger's block and felt inspired at the moment, I'm just going to spew out whatever's been on my mind. That ok? Good!

So 4 months in and nope! No job yet. Plenty of interviews but the same ol' BS, the economy, blah, blah, blah. You know the story, Meanwhile I have been keeping busy with personal projects to strenthen and enhance my work portfolio which includes studying web design, working on a writing portfolio, volunteer work, regular running sessions at the gym and various other things I'd have on my to-do list for the past several years. I guess I could say I'm being my own boss. But lemme tell you the pay and benefits are terrible.

First, I am so done with Craigslist! Maybe because marketing is easily tied to sales and scams but 90% of the ads I've come across are scams. They look like regular and reputable job postings but what you get back is another work-from-home-after-you-pay-an-initial-startup-up-fee garbage. And the level of ridiculousness in the ads are laughable. For a master's and 5 years exp, one ad promoted a pay of $12 hourly while another would train and touted "no exp. necessary" and work for home with potential to make, ya know, like $150,000 annually. Who is falling for this crap? Not Park Heights!

While I spend my days feverishly job searching and clearing my throat when the phone rings (professional voice ready! then dealing with the letdown when its just my mother), I've also caught up on lots of mindless TV. My latest drug of choice: Real Housewives of New York. Ugh! I cannot stop watching the madness. It is great. First, its a nice diversion from dreary Bmore life but I've also found watching these tight-bodied, successful ladies inspiring, especially my girl Bethenny; running her own business, with more one-liners than a seasoned comedian and the body of a supermodel. Where do I sign up for the seminar? No, seriously, seeing all that she's accomplished has motivated me to do more like starting my own side business and building a website. And the catfights! Too inticing. Kudos to Bravo for giving me a new fix in between Nip/Tuck seasons. Nothing like a good shot in the arm.

And speaking of fixes, I don't know where all the damn vodka and tequila in this peice is going? A whole bottle gone in less than a week. I'd love to know who around this mug is drinking up all my good stuff! And who knew tequila costs as much as it does. On my way to a "Brokeness" party I got my lil feelings hurt when I decided to be the margarita girl without considering the price of alcohol these days. I mean dayyyy-yum!

So that's pretty much my wrap-up. The kitties have been keeping me company during the day and my daily dose of lovin' comes to me as a chubby, fuzzy, lil furball curled up on my lap with her lil head and paw propped up on the keyboard (love my Muffin), purring and letting me know she's at home. Whomever does not like cats has never known a truly lovable one. And that's a pity.

It could be worse, so much worse, so I'm thankful for the gifts, small and large and making good use of my professional break. Cause when I'm back, I'm gonna be so back... and crispy clean, looking lean and hopefully making some mean green. (sorry for the wack rhyme, couldn't help it).

Michael Jackson's Final Curtain Call?

2009-03-05T10:26:00.000-08:00

And I got a bone to pick with that!

So the King of Pop makes his big announcement today that he's making one last tour, 10 concerts in July, in London. London? London only? *serious eyeroll*.

First off, I have been an MJ fan since birth, I supported him through his first child molestation allegation and have every album since Off The Wall and some Jackson 5 stuff too. I have not yet had the pleasure to see him in concert and would love to but I don't have the ends right now to fly to London. Why the hell is he confining his tour to one arena and one outside the US. Hater! I swear! Why is London getting all the love?

Pfffffff. I guess my MJ concert dreams will remain just though. Oh well. Curtain call!

My Oscars Boycott

2009-02-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

...yeah a day late and a dollar short. Shoot me, it was a busier weekend than I'd anticipated.

But back to what I was typing, I don't really do the Oscars anymore, since they began plucking my nerves a few years ago. Yeah, call me a pooper but I just really get sick of the celebrity worship that goes on in this country at times and particularly during these really unstable and unsure times that are scrawled across the face of any newspaper today.

My beef this year is simple, while millions of Americans are losing their jobs, losing their homes and losing their minds, I just can't quite applaud with glee overpaid, overexposed and overrated, stanking rich folks, who are already on top of the world and given opportunities, luxuries and goods that the average Joe will never see in two lifetimes, the chance to win more accolades, praise and worship.

Nope! Can't do it.

And for what? These trash-ass movies I can barely sit through? I just don't really share the enjoyment of giving more to people that have more than enough. I'm suppose to celebrate?

Hollywood can kiss my entire ass!

All My Single Ladies: Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

Yes, once again, its time for the much dreaded V-Day, Valentine's Day and while I know so many people loathe this day for its forcedness of trying to honor a supposed Valentine, I've always found this day fun (and not just because its my B-day) but because I think it doesn't need to be reserved just for lovers, but for friends or anyone you love.

For the past few years, I have tried to plan at least on outing with my single ladies to dance, drink and be merry and be each other's Valentine's. Who says that its only for significant others? It's a day to show whomever you love that they are special to you and I try to do that.

So for V-day haters, you can switch that around. Send your mom a nice card, drop a good friend a note to let them know they are appreciated, give your homie a hug, just show some love. Then buy yourself a box of candies, some flowers, treat yourself to a new outfit (got myself a new blouse and a bag) grab some good people and celebrate...yourself!

Be your own damn Valentine!

Happy Valentine's People!

Apartment Living Rant

2009-02-09T02:11:00.000-08:00

I am tried of the ghetto people who live here who drive and park up on the curb and sidework (the curb is very low). It kills the little bit of grass we have and blocks people in!

I am tired of hearing the noise from the girl upstairs from me who babysits wild-ass kids and lets them run like monsters all over top of me!

I'm tired of the young neighborhood kids who play in the halls and the parents who don't do a thing about it!

I'm tired of people slamming their doors shut all.the.time!

I'm tired of hearing people's loud, stomping footsteps over my head.

I'm tired of people holding coversations in the hall which can clearly by heard from my living room.

I am tried of hearing people coming and going at all hours of the night and beeping horns on top of that.

I'm sick of hearing people having sex over my head at 5am.

I'm sick of needing quarters to do laundry.

I'm so over looking at plain white walls (that cannot be painted).

I'm tired of hearing people yelling their convesations across the parking lot, up to their balconies or anywhere outside of my building.

I'm tired of having no cross ventilation with only 3 windows (on the same side).

UGH! I know, its gonna be alright. Cause soon as I can, I will move to bigger and better. Got your own housing rant, feel free to unload here.

25 Things You May Not Know About Me

2009-02-04T06:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, I got tagged on Facebook and yes I do take the time to fill out those silly things. But relax, you won't have to worry about being tagged as your turn.

1. I really wanted to be a professional performer as a child and I think I get frustrated at time as having a "normal" life.

2. Most time I feel like a huge kid that never grew up.

3. When I was little I used to think that perhaps there was an audience watching me in my life on their TV just like how I watch sitcoms of people who don't know I'm watching them on mine. I also thought maybe my life was the plot of a movie without my knowing about it.

4. I have ADD when it comes to watching TV. I can barely sit through a full movie and oftentimes TV shows. It seems to be getting worse.

5. I have always been and still am a huge lover of porn.

6. I am very, very nearsighted and have been wearing glasses since I was 6. But I'm mainly in contacts. Can't do a thing without lenses.

7. I sing along to many commercial jingles. Including "Priceline Negotiator!"

8. I still have issues with my looks. I have my moments when I think Beyonce has a run for her money and others when I think I look like a nappy-headed pile of dookie.

9. I was the class clown as a kid. At times, it sneaks out now.

10. I really regret not going away for college and experiencing a life outside of Bmore. My goal is still to leave one day.

11. I have a few secrets I plan to take to the grave!

12. I have a really strong singing voice but am terrified of singing in public. One day, I will overcome that.

13. I am forever a Daddy's girl and he was truly my soulmate.

14. I cannot count in my head for shit, which is why I hate numbers. I can, however spell easily in my head which is why I love words.

15. I was a habutal liar as a child because I loved telling stories and coudln't find the outlet to do so. So I made them up as real and told them to people. I once told my childhood best friend (Tracee) my father was a jazz musician and I had 10 brothers and sisters (sounded good to me!). I told another friend I was from Saturn and that I had special powers.

16. I have dreamt of owning a house of my own more than I have of getting married. I am obsessed with having a house. (one day)

17. I am a total internet junkie. I get withdrawal after a few hours away.

18. I cuss like a fucking sailor and I really need to stop that shit.

19. I snore, real, real loud. (ask Brien)

20. I am agnostic, nearly an atheist and I don't really believe in anything. Never have. Probably never will. Me and blind faith don't get along.

21. I was a horrible student growing up and hated every minute of school and have no idea how I actually got a graduate degree.

22. I have trouble telling time with regular clocks (again trouble with numbers).

23. I have never felt like I fit in with my family. I just don't feel like I am like any of them.

24. I have a fear of really, really large statues. I feel almost faint if I get too close to them.

25. I can't yet swim (but I plan to learn).

Tales of the Unemployed

2009-01-29T18:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm finally ready to come out to the world: I'm unemployed! Yep, you read right, this girl from Park Heights, who had been working steady since 1995, lost her job right before Xmas 2008. Sad but true. It took me some time to really come out to others for a number of reasons. But mainly, it just took some adjusting and I had to spend some time making peace with my new situation and grieve a bit. It's hard (out here for a pimp) right now and I don't deal with dissappointment that well.

So I've been pounding the pavement hard, which translates to hitting the keyboard seriously hard as in hunting down jobs online, networking, and reconnecting with people. Also been spending time reevaluating my skills, positive and negative to see what needs to be improved and if my talents can be better utilized in new and different area. It's been a weird month and a half but I resolved to start the new year off on a good note, proceeding forward with a vengence on my new future. And the feedback, so far has been very good.

And I'm not going to focus on the boo-hoo-hoos of being jobless but share with you the more interesting observations I've had being income-challenged:

the less you do during the day, the later you stay up at night. I have to force myself to bed before 1am and that gets harder and harder
Aflac are a bunch of assholes! I've told those fools at least 4 times I am not interested and they keep calling and emailing. Must be the suckiest job in the world.
my cats really act like fools half the time
Recruiters who call are more serious, recruiters who email are usually full of BS.
there is NOTHING on TV during the day. That is motivation enough to keep a day job.
my cats Muffin growls every single time the mail lady comes. Everyday. I wonder if she's been doing this for the 3 years she's been living here. Everyday??
Craigslist is hit or miss for finding jobs. Many scammers there, though they haven't fooled this one!

I also have to mention there are a few times when being job-impaired has its positives:

when the weather is crappy, I can decide whether to leave the house or not and usually that decision is a fat no.
sleeping in til 11 or noon daily aint half busy. When most are busting butts at work., I'm fixing eggs & bacon and checking into my Facebook.
there's no shame in wearing PJs and sweats most days. Or showering every other day. Why waste good soap?
I'm getting a lot of reading done.
If my mom wants to pass me a 5 for giving her a ride from work. Cha-ching!
the work stress that was causing me to lose my hair and consider a career in hardcore porn is OVER! And I never have to see my old supervisor again! Peace bitaaaaaaach!

I'll be back in the grind again one day. And when I do, folks better break out cause I'll be coming through like a true foo schnick!

Farewell President Bush, and Oh Yeah, Good Riddance

2009-01-16T01:47:00.000-08:00

Yep, folks, this is it, Bush's big curtain call and not a moment too soon. And according to opinion polls, 75% of Americans surveyed say a big fat "good riddance" and are glad he's leaving.

Kinda sad. For him anyway.

And I almost feel sorry for him. A bit. I mean when I mess up or screw up, I can at least grieve in private, with few people knowing and quickly move on as if nothing happened. But can you imagine, your failures being so public, so great, affecting so many people and leaving so many disgusted and disappointed? I couldn't.

In fact, I've been wondering for the past month (as I've watched people excitedly plan their Obama inauguration plans), what must be going through Bush's head? Knowing or at least being known as one of the worst (if not worst) president's in US history. To see so many people dancing in the streets over the new elected president and awaiting new change. How does one deal with these kind of grandiose shortcomings:

only 45% of people believe Bush was a strong leader (down from 60%)

only 25% view him as managing the government effectively

only 17% believe he united the country

40% believes he leaves a negative legacy

I mean damn! Those are some tough numbers to swallow.

And so it is done. His term is wrapping up and America is finally getting the new president we'd been praying for. But I gotta admit, he was good for a few laughs and had me cracking up a couple times with his "Bushisms".

But alas, we must say goodbye to this 'error' in time. I'll leave you with a few funnies, from our former ( YES!) leader and president of the United States.

PEACE OUT!!!!!!!

Friend Request Be Damned

2009-01-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

Why? Why do people I have never heard of in life and have no friends in common with, request my friendship on either Facebook or Myspace? Myspace I can kinda understand cause its so freaking ghetto and peeps on there don't care but Facebook too?

One, if you know me, why not send a message along jogging my memory (and I have a pretty good memory of people I used to know). Second, if I don't know you why the hell would I add you based on nothing? That's not how it works in my book. I have no interest in adding someone I don't know for the purpose of getting to know them. Don't work that way. Honestly, the best thing is to at least send a message first, see what I am and if there is any interest to learn more about each other. I'm getting tired of ignoring random mofos on Facebook on the daily.

Seriously!

Mayor Sheila Dixon Indicted, Another Setback?

2009-01-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

Anyone in Baltimore has probably heard the news of Mayor Sheila Dixon being indicted on 12 counts of felony theft, perjury, fraud and misconduct. No, she has been found guilty of these charges just yet but here's what really disappoints and pisses me off about these cases.

I will never understand why it is that when people rise up to this level of success, particularly black people, with all the struggle it took for us to even get these seats, then get there and can't keep their noses clean! I mean, anyone who watches the news and the way public figures' lives are scrutinized and examined should know there will always be someone in your business, someone trying to find the dirt on you, trying to bring you down. There are always people digging in your past and just waiting, with baiting breath for you to fail. Why give them what they are looking for!? Why not, keep your shit on the straight and narrow so that when your time has come to an end, they will have nothing to say except what an excellent mayor, athlete, actor or what have you, you were? Don't people get that these things are not easily overcome and that people will forever remember them for the bad, not good. Why not look at yourself as a model of how far we can go and keep your record clean!

It pisses me off because I feel when a black person messes up, it sets us as a whole back. When we go out here in the world and get the privilege of doing things and making changes, let's do it better. Make the naysayers look foolish, not yourself! Make it easier for the next black person striving to get where you are. Make it so there is nothing but good coming out of this.

Because we are still being judged by the color of our skin, though it may not be put out like that. Your failure is our failure. And I'm talking to the Kobe Bryant's, the OJ Simpsons, the Micheal Vicks, the Marion Berrys. There are still people out there (maybe right next door to you) that think we as a racial group are low-class, are golddiggers, are ignorant, are of lower intelligence. Make them say "wow!" not "well they did some good things BUT!" Cause like it or not, you represent us all when you go out in the world.

K, getting off my soapbox on this Monday morning. Have a good one ya'll.

Should old acquaintance be forgot...

2008-12-31T18:05:00.000-08:00

...and never brought to mind?

That song always makes me feel a bit sad.

But here it is New Years Eve and like every year I am left pondering; the good, the bed, the life lessons, the new friends, experiences and journeys and what I can do to make the next year better.

This year started off well and ended kinda rocky but while there were some trying times, some wonderful things happened too, including going to Rio de Janeiro and witnessing Carnival, finally see LA, having all kinds of new fun and finally getting engaged.

Resolutions? I'm not making a long list this time but the main things are to make teh most of this year, to pursue new opportunies, move up into better and to of course to get married.

I think it'll be an interesting year.

So long 2008! Hello 2009!

Some Favorite Movie Quotes

2008-12-30T19:25:00.000-08:00

Forrest Gump

Lt. Dan Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet Gump?

Forrest: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him sir.

Boogie Nights

Floyd Gandolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.

When Harry Met Sally

Harry: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

The Color Purple-I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly, but dear God I'm here, I'm here!

Heathers-

1) Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

2) Grow up Heather, bulemia is so '87.

3) Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?!

The Opposite of Sex-

1) Matt Mateo: I'm bisexual.

Lucia: Puh-lease! I went to a bar mitzvah once. That doesn't make me Jewish.

2) If I save one kid from getting butt-fucked, from having his ass totally reamed until it looks like the Lincoln Tunnel and he can't stand up for three weeks, then maybe all of this is worth... something. Teachers everywhere have to learn that no means no... at least until we've dropped out.

Rocky Horror Picture Show-

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

Willy Wonka & The Chocolat Factory-

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

O Brother Where Art Thou-

Pete: You miserable little snake! You stole from my kin!

Ulysses Everett McGill: Who was fixin' to betray us.

Pete: You didn't know that at the time.

Ulysses Everett McGill: So I borrowed it until I did know.

Pete: That don't make no sense!

Stress/Porn

2008-12-15T11:42:00.000-08:00

This just in: I am so unbelievably stressed at my job right now, I am actually considering a full-time career in hardcore porn.

My chosen porn name: Chianti Biggins!

If I'm gonna wok my ass off, I might as well, earn the cash for it.

Thankful

2008-11-26T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. Woke up at 3am with a mulling headache, barely slept and had to drag my ass into work an hour early. I'm stressed, annoyed, agitated and all I wanna do is crawl back into bed with a kitty cat sleeping next to me.

BUT! I need to take a moment to count my blessings and give my thanks. Cause no matter how crappy things can feel at times, I know there are blessings. I just need to remind myself sometimes.

And 2008 has been wonderful to me. This year, I am grateful for:

my health- not a sniffle, ache or cough has held me back. I am strong, healthy and able-bodied.

my new job- its been a struggle at times, but I feel fortunate to have found a job during something I really like, with great pay, benefits and location.

to be debt-free- felt SO good to pay off my credit card adn Rio-related fees this year and put those cards away. If I don't have the cash, then I don't need it.

financial security- many aren't so lucky in these times. I'm especially blessed to have the freedom to plan a Hawaiian wedding, look into buying a house and support a family. BONUS: finding out I have excellent credit!

my adorable kitty cats, that bring me joy and laughter everyday.

fun and supportive friends- who else would I get my drank on with, swivel my hips on the dancefloor with or talk some ish with. 3 years ago, I barely had a social life, now I have a great circle of friends and comrades, including my bestest homegirl, Rebecca.

finally finding an easy and cute hairstyle that suits me instead of trying to make my locks do something they can't.

my family, who has become more supportive and encouraging of me over the last few years.

my fiance, who has quickly become more to me than just a lover and a companion but also a best friend.

and lastly for my father, ALWAYS, for showing me the love, support and guidance that will stay with me for a lifetime. Though its been nearly 5 years since his passing, never have I forgotten his advice, his words, his thoughts, his essence. His presence in my life for 25 years has remained one of my biggest blessings.

The Dream of Homeownership

2008-11-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

So I made the decision over the summer to explore the very real possibility of buying my own home within the year since I feel more than ready but also because housing prices are at their lowest and its seems like a great opportunity for me. But being ready and eager and finding something you love and within your price range is already proving to be a real challenge. And I'm not even that picky, I think my wants are simple. I just need:

an easy commute- or specifically nothing worse than my commute to work right now which is 25-40 minutes (depending on season and time of year). I'm lucky right now cause I'm close to the metro and I take 83 down which has been pretty easy lately (usually under 30 mins.)

2-3 bedrooms, 1.5 baths- obviously, I'm not looking for another bachelorette pad but a place I can raise a family or bring my first child (which is NOT on the way) home to. I'm looking for someplace I can comfortable be in for the next 5 +years.

Family-oriented community- piggy-banking off #2, it has to be an area I'm comfortable raising a child in, that means good schools (which are hard to come by in the city). I don't want to be near the bar scene, high crime, high traffic or noise. I want to be able to sleep soundly at night without honking horns and people constantly coming in and out.

multiple-levels- I need more than a single story, to accomodate myself + 1 and all the damn pets and kids we may (will) acquire.

Pretty simple right? So what are the obstacles?

finding all this within my limited price range. I refuse to become a foreclosure story so I'm choosing to buy beneath my means. But naturally that makes it that much harder to find.

finding it within a time span in which I won't have to break my lease (I got a wedding to plan now)

finding one with my price range that isn't a total shithole.

Add to that all the contradicting advice I've been getting: its a bad time to buy... its a good time to buy...you should get a condo...you should get a townhouse... you should rent for 2 more years, renting a house during this foreclosure season is a mess, etc.

It's enough to make my head spin. Luckily however, I feel I know what is best for me in my life right now. At nearly 31 years old, I don't see much reason to put this off for more years and especially since I plan on starting a family. I just need to get there. And I'm ready. I am pre-approved, have the 10-15% down payment, the income and the extra cash for renovations. I'll get there.

I just need to hang in there, keep saving and keep doing all my research,

The Perpetually Single Girl is Off the Market?

2008-11-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

Indeed. And with all the hints that were dropped leading up to it, I was still very much shocked.

Here's the short version. Saturday night (or Sunday morning 11/2, one year and one month from our frist date) midnight, I'm lounging around in my South Beach booty shorts and dingy Bailey's tee covered in cat hair, not caring that my man is on the way cause its going on midnight and he's about a hour later than I'd like him to be. I got an attitude. I was hoping we could spend more time together before I got tired and here it was, not going to happen. I opened the door for him and didn't even greet him with a kiss. I was equally cold as I sucked down the bottle of port he brought over and inhaled the cheese we began to eat and he cooly made conversation. Being the occasional brat I can be, I wasn't enthused.

We're lying lazily on the couch watching SNL when he makes a comment about how so many people are getting engaged these days. I scoff it off. Who cares? That's me, right? He then asks me to look in his night bag for a green peice of paper and read it. I'm like why? right now? Can you get it for me? No, he insists. I have to get it and read it myself. I pick my lazy ass up and get the paper and flop back on the couch. I open it and read the first line.... Dear Mr. (my last name). He stops me and tells me to read the front to see who its addressed to. The letter is addressed to my father, who passed in 2004.

I turn it over where my boyfriend has written an eloquent and sincere handwritten letter to my father, beginning with that though they haven't met, one of the things they share in common is a love for me. He mentions briefly how we met the year prior and what an "amazing woman" he's raised. He then goes on to write about how he promises to show me unconditional love, to protect and watch over "his little girl" and how he promises to be a "wonderful husband" to me.

He closed the letter by asking my father permission for my hand in marriage. When I put down the letter, there was a ring box in front of me. My mind isn't processing what is in front of me. He'd said many, many times that he wanted to marry me but I couldn't get that this was it, this is him proposing. He then said something very sweet and asked would I marry him and my response:

OMG! Are you serious??? What? Are you crazy? No, for real? OMG! Are you serious! You're crazy! What!

I honestly just had it in my mind that this moment was years away (if ever) and that it wasn't happening now. I could not believe any of it. But he assured me that this was the real deal and happening right now. And of course, I said yes!

And it seriously took all night and most of the next day to hit me. I'd been single for so long and had grown so jaded that I simply stopped dreaming of finding love and wouldn't allow myself to fantasize about such things cause I never wanted to get my hopes up again. I'd long already accepted that love and marriage may not happen so much that I couldn't believe the proposal even when it was happening. But he made me a believer. Before our very first date, he told me to never lower my expectations and to always expect the best; aim high. He taught me that I didn't deserve anything less.

So what now? Wedding? Marriage? Honeymoon? In-laws? I can't even believe those words even apply to me, the once perpetually single girl and yet here I am talking about a destination wedding, with a rockk onmy finger and an adorably, loving fiance. Fiance, I can barely believe it!

And I feel like the luckiest girl around. And I know that my father would approve because I am soooo happy!

Yes, yes, YES!

2008-11-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

Really? Is there anything else left to say? I nearly kept my eyes closed this whole election cause I just didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed again. But yesterday when I stood in line to cast my vote to Obama/Biden, I couldn't help but allow that glimmer of hope at the possibility of a
BIG FAT WIN!!!!!!!

So what's next? Let's CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!
And through 2009!!
Wooo-hooooo!!!!!

Final Word on This Election

2008-11-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

I know I said I was sick of it and was ready for it to be over. And I am. But I woke up at 5:30am this morning despite having a nasty head cold and feeling muggy from Thera-Flu cause I began thinking of getting out early to hit the polls. And even though I had been sick the night before and even had a second thought about going out at all today, I felt this immense sense of pride and excitement when I pulled up at my voting place at 7:15am and saw a line all the way down the block. I felt so proud of my community for coming out for this.

Even funnier was when I got in line, round the corner, I began to feel overwhelmed, near tearing up at the prospect of Barack Obama being the first African American president. I never really thought this would happen and this soon and the excitement I felt made me feel very emotional.

And so I stood for an hour and a half with all the other folks, who couldn't wait to cast their votes and I put mine in.

I walked out at 9am and late for work but feeling really good.

We just have to win this one! We have to.

Obama all the way, baby!!!

Halloween Hangover

2008-11-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

The next morning checklist:

sleeping til noon- Check!
finally getting up and walking like a cripple from dropping it like its hot- Check!
dizzyness- Check!
light-headedness- Check!
not remembering highlights like getting on stage and cooing my theme song to a crowd of onlookers-Check!
waking up with eyelash glue all over my face- Check!
finding my wash cloth with pink makeup smeared all over it- Check!
realizing that I peed in front of 3 other women- Check!
waking up to a fantabulous guy who thought I was the fucking hotness the night before- Check!

Have to say it was a really good Halloween! My girls came up with the fabulous idea of going as the '80s cartoon band, Jem and the Holograms (cause we're truly, truly, truly outragous). I was Jem, my girl Cat was Shana and Morgan, Aja (sadly, we had no Kimber). And though we were a bit worried we'd look like drag queens or hookers, we were recognized by quite a few although while on stage for a costume contest, we were playfully referred to as Lil Kim and the Holograms and Jem and the Juicy Booties! Whatever, cause we rocked it! And Halloween is fast becoming one of my favorite holidays.

I Am Over This Election

2008-10-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

I made my decision 4 months ago. I don't want to hear another word about Obama, McCain or Palin (we don't hear about Biden anymore). I am over it.

I'm sick of the ads.

I'm sick of the news coverage.

I'm sick of the debates, discussions, the updates, the mud-slinging.

I am sick of all of it. I just want it to be over.

Period!

My New Blog!

2008-10-26T11:30:00.001-07:00

I am SOOOOO excited about my new blog I just created over the past several days since it will be devoted to my biggest passion; music! Posts will cover all things music-related and I think it should be a lot more fun to read. I'll still have this one however, so don't go deleting the link just yet.

So bookmark today! Check it out, read it, comment, e-mail to a friend, subscribe and join in the convo at Music Is My Religion.

Hallelujah!!

Shocking Video of the Moment

2008-10-23T18:02:00.000-07:00

My cousin just sent this video to me and I was so APPALLED! First I was expecting to see something really status quo like older kids or teens doing something kids do, but this...this is so horrendously sad.

I don't know the real story behind this but I would surely hope someone intervenes here before that little girl ends up knocked up at 12 or 13. AND that little boy grows up with a overtly sexualized view of black girls.

Everything is wrong with this.

Where Were You When...2

2008-10-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

...when this song was a major hit on the airwaves:

I can tell you, this song alone played a huge part in awakening me sexually. I heard this and I knew (or thought) I was grown and I was ready. Naturally, I was neither but you couldn't have told my hot butt nothing back in those days.

I was 13, it was 1991 and I thought Bryan Abrams was the FINEST white man I'd ever seen and even girlfriends who didn't even look at white guys then were going DAYYYY-YUMMM!

I got the tape and wore it out thinking about having a man as fine as him. Sadly, Color Me Badd didn't last and last I saw, Bryan aint so fine anymore. Oh well.

That was still my JAM!

Favorite Commercial of the Moment

2008-10-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite commercial right now.

I can totally see myself years down the line, toting around a bunch of kids/teenagers and singing along thinking I'm still hip and cool and one my crumb-snatchers letting my ass know, that I'm not.

Chicks I'd Go Lez For

2008-10-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

Why not? I have no shame in admitting that there are a couple women out there that make some women go DAYYY-YUMM and question their orientation!

Kim Kardashian

This woman is SICK! Her body is just RIDICULOUS! The hair, the lips, the booty, she is like the definition of stacked in my opinion. Forget doing her. I'd wanna BE her!

Angelina Jolie

Easy answer? Maybe, but you have to admit, she's pretty masculine. She's almost like a man in a crazy-ridic woman's suit. I mean her lips alone are bananas.

Beyonce

Is any comment needed? Really?

Sorry!

2008-10-06T17:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah, sorry I haven't blogged in a bit, life just got kinda busy,

boring,

uninspiring,

crazy,

stressful,

insane,

scary,

stomach-turning,

blaze,

self-centered,

productive,

voyeuristic,

annoying,

gassy,

and a bit exhausting.

I promise to blog more when I have more than something completely wack to say.

Where were you when...

2008-09-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

...this Chubb Rock song came out:

The year was 1990, I was 12, in the 7th grade at Fallstaff Middle School and I lived and breathed to watch what was called The Jukebox Network where you could order videos to play for around 99 cents.

I knew pretty much every video in rotation and for most, the dance they did in it. I was just beginning to like boys (amongst other things), desperately wanted a pair of Major Damage or Used jeans and would beg my older sister to buy me a new pair of high-top Reeboks every holiday so I could appear to have several pairs (didn't always work).

In big glassses, side ponytails, and 2 extra thick pairs of slouch socks, I wasn't popular, but cool among the cooler kids and never shy to jump on the dance floor to show what moves I'd learned at the school's socials.

I played flute in the school band, subscribed to Teen magazine and couldn't wait to be a teenager and begin going on dates just like in the magazine.

Where were you?

Kitty Kitchen Makeover

2008-08-26T15:33:00.001-07:00

Proof that I'm obsessed with HGTV I felt the need to update my kitties food area from this:

to this:

At least someone around here has some stainless steel. Me? One day.

Happy Birthday Muffin and Pumpkin!

Mama is working

2008-08-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

Uhh, Cammie Cams... if you see me at my desk, full of papers and notebooks and pads and writing...

...this is not a good place for you to sit at this time. This means mama is working...

And even if I leave to go to the bathroom, that does not mean I and done what I am doing or that the desk if now free...

...for you to try and take a nap.

If you are that tired, there is a couch and recliner not but 5 feet away. Muffin, can further direct you.

I appreciate your assistance in getting off my desk.

Things I'm Hooked on at the Moment

2008-08-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

Coffee-flavored alcoholic drinks

Ever since I've had my first taste of Van Gogh vodka, I have been hooked. I mean hooked. Being a coffee person, I have a hard time enjoying many of mixed drinks and these have been my staple lately. Mix a with a lil milk or Baileys and I'm a happy ass girl!

Jon & Kate Plus 8

Don't know what it is about this lil show but if its on, I park myself right where I am (which is usually in bed) and get comfy. Maybe cause I'm looking at family life as my next life step and am curious how to manage parenthood, marriage and running a household? Maybe its cause those kids are so darned cute or maybe cause its simple, doesn't require much thinking or stimulation and that's what I prefer right before bed. Either way, love them!

HGTV/Houses

I confess, I'm obsessed. I cannot stop watching HGTV and all their design, flipping houses , selling houses and everything houses shows. Probably cause I"m seriously considering buying my own next year and I'm just itching to do some major decorating and making a place mine but I'm hooked on all these shows.

Facebook

Yeah, I'm late. But since Myspace fell off, I started going there and find the interface and applications helpful in knowing what the hell is going on with everybody else. Who needs to call people anymore, I can read their update, visit their page, check out the new photo album and get news feeds on what comments were said. It's like a regular newscast of what's going on. Brilliant.

Gmail

Hotmail is so played. I can't sit at my computer now without having my Gmail acount open. There is just something glorious about an email system where new emails pop out without refreshing or logging into a messagine system like AOL or Trillian. Oh the joys of seeing Gmail Inbox (1), or (3) or (10). I'm on it!

Jennifer Aniston: It's Gotta Suck

2008-08-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned this to friends before but whenever I see glowing pics of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie cuddling their precious newborns or globetrotting through Africa and France with a slew of adorable multi-racial kids, or just walking hand in hand, suited up for a movie premiere, I can't help but to think, its got the suck for Jennifer Aniston.

Let's see

1) She had Brad Pitt, one of Hollywood's hottest leading actors (and hot asses for awhile, stole my heart in Thelma & Louise).

2) Then lost him either due to Angelina (the hottest chick on earth and on my would-go-lez-for list) OR due to the fact that she either couldn't or wouldn't start a family with him.

3) Another reason she may has lost Brad was due to her wanting to further her movie career, which for me, has been dismal at best. I can't really name one movie she's done that was worth giving priority to over birthing Brad Pitt's babies.

4) Then of course, now pushing 40 hard (or there, I'm not sure) and she doesn't seem to be able to find a suitable new guy in her life ie. breakups with Vince Vaughn and now John Mayer. How the hell does John Mayer dump Jennifer Aniston? How does that happen??

5) Also, if she wanted to put career over family, it must be a huge slap in the face to see Angelina not only birth and adopt babies everywhere but still drop movies on the regular. In fact, I just read that after dropping the twins, she's slated to replace Tom Cruise in an upcoming feature. Her career apparently hasn't suffered much.

6) And finally, it has got to put knots in her stomach to see their happy faces splashed over the covers of every magazine together, sharing a spot where she and Brad used to share.

So I feel for Jennifer Aniston. I really do.

I will no longer complain about my breasts again...

2008-08-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

...after hearing the news of Christina Applegate's breast cancer diagnosis and then hearing that she just had a double mastectomy. Because cancer does not seem to discriminate at all and I know of my own personal cancer risks.

So no more. I'm going to be thankful for the healthy, vital breasts that I have and hope that I may continue to always have them.

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx/?news=327421&GT1=28103

Sometimes you just need a wake-up call to bring you back to perspective.

Long live my big 'ol breastisis!

Dear Towson University...

2008-08-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

I know its been awhile since we've spoken and I haven't exactly been keeping in contact and all but there is really good reason: I need to end this relationship.

See, its been 7 years now. I got what I wanted: a degree. And you got what you wanted; my tuition dollars. How about we end this charade you call "alumni relations" and face my reality: I really have any use for you anymore. I've moved on. I actually went on to grad school so your not even the last school I've attended.

While I realize that alumni donations funds yada, yada, yada, truth is I need my hard-earned funds more than I need to give it to you. As of yet, I still do not have a state-of-the-art, well ANYTHING, a swimming pool, stadium, parking garages or a weekly newspaper (which is why I blog for free). So you see, I just can't and really have no desire to give anymore. And those alumni functions you have, really serve no benefit for me.

It's over. I'm sure you'll understand.

Best of luck,

TGFPH

(proud graduate of the class of 2001)

Celebrity Moms: Our New Faux Heroes

2008-07-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

I am tired of seeing these new-mom celebrities and their newborns on the covers of magazine recycling the same ol tired retort about how motherhood 'changed their life', how motherhood is so 'wonderful', or how courageous or honorable these mags make it seem like. Like we're suppose to worship them cause they gave birth. It is just so played. And every month, its a new celebrity mom, in a glammed out photo spread cuddling her lil bald-headed, wrinkled offspring. They are heroes or saviors or saints cause they had a child.

Not to mention these people are millionaires and can hire all the help they need. I bet you motherhood is pretty sweet when you can hire the best help while you review your latest script, record your next album, plan your world tour and get in 2 hours daily with your personal trainer. I feel like the mags want us to admire them and their faux strength.

Who the hell cares?

I'd have more admiration for a real mom, with a real job raising healthy kids in real life. That takes strength, guts, determination and a strong head on your shoulders.

And I think this OK spread on Jamie Lynn Spears sets a bad example for teenage pregnancies.

*eyeroll*

Death Is Not A Better Place

2008-07-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

The recent news that a friends' father had passed away got me thinking about how some of the religious or goo-intentioned, I should also add have a tendency to try and make you feel better by saying that the deceased has gone on to a better place.

Always disappointing.

While I try my best not to get angry when someone says this (and luckily I don't think anyone said it to me when my father died) it is a bit disappointing to me because it feels like a cliched response, as well as, one that plainly gives me no comfort.

He's in a better place.

Looking at the situation realistically and using my father's death as an example, why would he be in a better place, in death? Even if you believe in an afterlife, which neither he nor I do, there is still a vast amount of uncertainty in where you actually go after death so how can you really believe that that unknown abyss is better? You know what life has to offer, at least I do. But what does death have to offer? My honest opinion: nothing and a great nothingness.

The other argument here is for an ailing person or one who died of a terminal illness, as my father did. I guess death and the end of their pain would still be a better option, right? Again, still gives me no comfort. Because I know in my heart that if given the choice between life and its possibilities and potentials and death and its unknown uncertainty, I would always choose life along with a clean bill of health. I honestly, truly believe there is nothing more precious than life.

And if given a choice I know my father would have chosen life, with me, in good health of course.

For that, ultimately, would be his heaven.

Right to Bear Arms?

2008-06-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

After reading this article the other week about the Supreme Court's decision to overthrow DC's ban on handguns in favor of the Second Amendment, it got me thinking, why do we have a right to bear arms; to have guns?

Yeah, the Second Amendment states that we as individuals have a right to have weapons, I'm guessing to "defend" ourselves if need be. But in 2008, with all the gun violence we're accustomed to these days, is an amendment which was drafted in 1791 still applicable today? I mean, let's be real, people of yesteryear weren't always as civilized and forward thinking as we are (should be) today. Lynching used to be legal. I mean the world was a highly different place back then than it is now and I don't really see where this right to bear arms has really, truly benefited us.

And has it? Do guns really protect you from anything? I've always felt it doesn't. Guns, in my opinion serve one purpose and that is to kill. Owning a gun, to me, means you are ready to shoot someone. They don't defend anything, they simple injure and take lives away. Believing this is so, I have to wonder why we would decide that we need this right to being with?

I'm also of the just-cause-it-was-written-centuries-ago-by-presumably-wise-men,-don't-make-the-word-bond-or-absolute-truth mind frame. I mean, people did used to think the earth was flat until it was proven otherwise.

Perhaps, this amendment is a bit archaic. I personally believe that outside of official officers and military NO ONE should be allowed guns.

But We The People say different.

*sigh*

My Musical Debut

2008-06-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

It was that time again, time for the 48-Hour Film Project in Bmore for 2008 and I jumped at the chance to do it again but imagine my surprise and shock when we drew a musical.

For those not in the know the 48-hour Film Project is a film competition where you have to write, shoot, edit and submit a 7 minute film within 48 hours. You are given the genre, a character a prop and a line and you have to go with it. This is my 3rd one. And once again, lots of fun.

Be gentle, for a chick whose been terrified of singing in public since childhood, this was pretty daring of me but it felt good to push myself to do something I never thought I could do. It was great working with the crew at Garbled Jargon films and it was shot all in ONE take!

And since I think I look like a short Treasure Troll, I won't be watching it again anytime soon. Enjoy!

Is Myspace Dead?

2008-06-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

Seems like 2-3 years ago Myspace was the fucking spot to be. The highlight of my mundane work day was goofing off on Myspace looking at my friend goofy new pics, leaving random and silly comments on their pages, reading blogs, watching videos, chit-chatting with new peeps and potentials and secretly spying on people.

What happened to that? Oh, that's right, life moved on, things got stale and it fell out of the loop.

Moreover, the Myspace craze died in my eyes. And I'm sure its still alive for some; the teenagers whose lives revolve around their "who's who" social lives, artists, club promoters and those looking to expand their businesses there but for anyone who found it hot a few eyes, it seems the era is over. It just aint the same.

So what happened? My guess: people grew up. While it was really fun to peruse profiles like an online predator, life has gotten more complex and I'm finding my friends, as well as myself have just moved on to bigger endeavors; engagements, marriages, kids, even higher education, serious relationships, travel, pursuits etc. And the antics that used to be so much fun before seem, well, a bit juvenile now. And I also can't forget how extremely sloppy and tacky Myspace eventually got.

Everyday, my inbox was clogged with unsolicited friend requests from people I've never heard of and messages from the nasiest, most repulsive slew of men, not to mention the "please check out my music" artist requests and invites to groups you have no interest in. In became downright annoying and sleazy. Then came Facebook, which opened its doors to post-college folk and offered a simpler, cleaner alternative to social networking and in my mind, Myspace died off.

But I do still have a profile there that I'm not quite ready to delete since it acts as a live scrapbook of fun times gone by. As well as people I used to kinda, sorta know. Fun while it lasted but I'm guessing Myspace will be one another one of those things I'll reminisce with friends about in nostalgic "back in the day" talk.

Talking About People Behind Their Backs

2008-06-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

I have a few thoughts on the issue of talking about people behind their backs. I belong and have belonged to several social groups and as usual there are always going to be instances where certain people have gotten together to discuss someone else. And there is always someone concerned that this is wrong or an act of betrayal on the people in discussion.

I truly don't believe it is, nor do I believe there is anything wrong with it and here's why. I have always believed that as people, we all have the right to discuss whatever we want, especially in private company. And that includes other people. The issue comes in, understandably in the hurt feelings that can occur when the person of discussion finds out that they have been talked about. And while those discussions might not always be favorable, people can talk about whatever they want. And it can be about other people and those people do not have to be included on that discussion.

Everybody has thoughts, feelings and attitudes on a subjects and sometimes, its other people. To me, there is no harm in this. The only harm, to me is when the discussion is purposely malicious or when the information, which usually starts out as private gets back to the person in question. Then it is harmful. I feel that the perpetrator here is not the one talking but the one who ran and told the person in question.

That being said, I am a person with many thoughts, feelings and ideas about many things and am not too thrilled to bite my tongue or keep it to myself, so I speak freely. It's never (usually) malicious or hurtful and I keep it private but I feel I am within my rights to do so. And so is everybody else. About me.

Don't want anybody talking about you? Get over it!

Or feel flattered that you're doing something interesting enough to be on someone else's mind and a topic of their conversation.

Sex in the City Movie: My Review

2008-06-16T14:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, just saw this movie yesterday and I'm coming in late with my thoughts.

**WARNING: SPOILER ALERT, DON'T READ IF YOU HAVENT' WATCHED IT YET**

First, loved it! Great movie. Got really excited just watching the opening credits. The ladies looked so fabulous and through the whole thing, I just wanted to go shopping so bad. Ok, now to the point: the ending. I didn't find it emotional at all and was kinda surprised that I didn't though everyone else claimed they did. The whole ending with Carrie taking Big back to me was a bit shocking. Shocking because a man that would leave me stranded at the alter, unable to even get out of the car and with no explanation besides "I just can't do this" is a man, I would NEVER SPEAK TO AGAIN! That high level of uncertainly smacks of not loving me enough and I couldn't spend my days feeling secure with that. Even if he got enough balls to try it a 2nd time. I honestly don't envy Carrie and I think she's got a long road with Big/John.

I was also disappointed that in trying to contact Carrie, Big chose to re-type poems from other authors than to express his own feelings. That was lame and wouldn't have garnered much sympathy from me. I mean Carrie is a professional writer, how wack to simply cut-n-paste someone else's words?!I thought Kim Cattrall looked fab at 50 and Cynthia Nixon hot in her nude sex scene. I hope I'm rocking it as well at 40 and 50+. But Sarah J Parker, I'm convinced is starving herself. She is so unnaturally, unflatteringly thin, it concerned me. There were scenes were she lifted up her arm and all you saw was bone with a mere slice of muscle hanging on.

I also applaud this movie for focusing on women 40-50 years old having sex. I think Hollywood tends to shy away from storylines of older women still getting theirs but one completely embraces it. But on the real, watching Kim Cattrall's Samantha, you forget (or not even realize) you're looking at a 50 year old woman.

And I love and support Jennifer Hudson but found her contribution, kinda, uhh, pointless. I mean it felt as though they just really wanted to write a character for her in the movie but there really was no point. It didn't add anything to the movie and she time she spent on screen, I'd rather watch the other 3 main characters. Worse, she ended up getting back with a man that originally told her she wasn't the one. Aren't we forgiving? But that, to me, is unforgivable. Relationship eternally over.

More kudos to the juicy, prominent male nudity of Gilles Marini. Delighted was I by the eye candy and the arousing shot of his hanging manhood (and rock hard ass). I don't care if it were fake or not, its about time we get to see more of men in films. Hell, women have been taking it off for decades. Thank you producers for giving us a nice peek!

Overall, great fun. Now I gotta get shopping!

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

Hoping I'm still making you proud.

(Some) Men Are so Damn Oblivious III

2008-06-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

Here goes another one.

Last Sept, I had while checking my Model Mayhem, profile, I get a message from a guy in New York. He's a model and we email plesantries back and forth a few time. Now I'm just being polite. My thinking being since he's in NY and its a modeling site, not a dating site, what's the harm.

So he writes me every few weeks telling me about his modeling jobs and asking for updates on mine. Harmless pen-pal-ing to me. I'm cordial to anyone who writes me, really.

Oct 2007 goes by and he continues writing and by Nov, he mentions that he'd love to have dinner with me sometime. Uhh......I guess he doesn't realize I have no intention of coming up to NY nor entertaining him coming to Bmore. I them let him know that I"m not interested and that I just entered a new relationship. His response is cool.

Late Nov. he wishes me a Happy Thanksgiving and asks about the holiday. Xmas, the same, though at this point, I'm surprised he's still writing.

Happy New Year was the next message and an inquiry about whether I was still in my relationship. Going strong was my response, but again, I was growing tired of this banter.

February brought a new message with the apology for not writing as much (huh?) and curiousity on how my weekend went. Now my reponses are now down to a one-line "things are going great!". I'm being nice enough (which isn't usualy for me) but not getting why he's still lingering. Mind you his messages are coming about once a month.

March brough another 'How are you doing?" Email. Too busy to entertain him. Forgot about it.

Then April came and again another email to ask what I'm up to. Now, I'm really stumped. I've stopped responding to his messages (cause I plain ol forgot and aren't on that site much lately), I'm taken, we've never met, he's in New York and my responses are brief and succinct, never asking about him, what does he want exactly? Is he waiting out my relationship, hoping for an in? Holding on to a chance? Really, really into being email pals?
What? What is he holding on to?

I just don't understand. Meanwhile, I'm ducking out and not responding anymore. What's the point?

30 and Holding Up Well?

2008-05-28T15:31:00.001-07:00

It's always flattering to me when someone thinks I'm much younger than I am. I had a college kid try and hit on me at a Target the other week and his come on line was asking what school I go to and what was my major. Cute! Even better was the look of complete shock that appeared on his face when I told him I'd finished my undergrad in 2001.

And I love pulling out my ID when asked (cause they should, right I could be 19 for all they know) and having a few do a double take to make sure its me.

But there have been a few times lately when I've told people my age and more than being shocked, they were completely stupefied.

Wow! You look sooo good! You don't look at all 30! You look really good!

Now most times its very flattering but a few times I began to wonder, how bad should I look for 30? Should I be wrinkled? Overweight? Gray hairs? Boobs sitting on my stomach? Wearing "Mom" jeans? I mean really, do people not expect 30 to look like me? And why not? If I was hot at 28 and 29, why would I suddenly fall downhill a year later?

Made me think I guess I'm doing a good job preserving myself. Perhaps I should invest in a barrel of formaldehyde to continue giving my skin that lively look!

White Girl Movies

2008-05-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Oh white girl movies. You know the ones. The one where some all-American, Wonder bread white girl... Kristen, Julie, Sarah, Laura or Kelly is facing some obstacle. Her husband or boyfriend left her, she's trying to get ahead in her career, she's got a dream, she wants to dance, write design, find true love, carve her path, reach for her dreams, take your pick and in the end gets exactly what her heart desires and everything is right in the world again.

*cue Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten*

I so hate these movies. Not because they appear to be written specifically for dreamy-eyed white girls who always get their man in the end but because they are so fucking saccharine sweet, so utterly predictable, so lame, squeaky clean cut and chocked full of eyeroll-worthy lines and boring plot lines. But worst than that, are the freaking trailers. I feel like I can sniff them out by now. They start with white girl in question, then reveal her issue, her wacky friends/family and how she's going to solve it and then like clockwork, as if there is a template or guidebook trailer producers have created where they end the trailer with the biggest draw; the empowering white girl music.

*cue Michelle Branch's Everywhere*

This is the part that is suppose to make white girls feel good (and I think it works). The white girl rock hits a pivotal note or climax in the song right as they are revealing the true meaning and motive in the story. And white girls go flocking, in droves to the theaters to see it. This has to be a set formula that studios have tapped into. Not lying, I know I'm not the only whose noticed.

In fact, if I were smart, I'd tap into the market and try and capitalize. All's I gotta do is write a story where cute white girl, let's call her Emily is having a rough time or being denied something she so badly wants. On the way to pursuing this want, she runs into cutie pie white boy, we'll call him Brad. They meet cute and through a series of obstacles end up in love. We'll cast either Kate Hudson, Mandy Moore or Reese Witherspoon as Emily and maybe Patrick Dempsey or Adrian Grenier .Cue something by Avril Lavigne or Vanessa Carlton. And bam! You gotta yourself a million dollar movie!

Don't believe me? Check out the trailers below.

Google Analytics Reveals All

2008-05-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ya know for a chick that hasn't had a blog post in over a month, traffic to this blog didn't seem to cease much during my absence.

According to Google Analytics, my tracking system, this blog has had 496 visits between April 5 and May 6 with 624 individual blog views. 36% of views are coming directly to my address, while another 30% are stumbling on from a Google search.

And while the vast majority of hits are coming from the States, I'm also getting hits from France, Germany, Netherlands, Spain, Italy, Canada, Austria, Bahrain, Sweden, Brazil and Singapore.

Keywords used in Google searches to find my page have included:

black men lose weight beer butt thighs.
lil redbone boob
asian pubes low rise
baltimore ugliest
blogspot sluts
actress charlee
baltimore parking fine payment
black woman copulating
ass whooping
beer in a thermos
candi big boobs

And the most hit blogs over the past month are:

Three Ways to Get A Husband
Too Old for Low Rise Jeans?
What Constitutes a Slut?
Can't a Skinny Girl Decide to Lose Weight?
At Eastern Motors, your job's your credit...

Who are you people?????

Come out! Come out wherever you are! And thanks for reading my humble lil ol' blog. Maybe I'll try and post some more.

Nappy or Not Revisited

2008-05-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

So I gave in. Its done. Went pretty much natural and stopped putting heat on and frying my naturally fine wavy hair and you know what, it feels damn good. Now I’d love to tell ya’ll I’m totally natural and have stopped relaxing but I’m not really trying to rock an all-out ‘fro, just have more low-maintenance hair that won’t break off every month and actually retain some texture and thickness. So I’ve opted to use a mild relaxer and refrain from all heat and continual brushing, combing and pulling on my fragile hair.

And I am loving it. It’s nearly wash-n-go and 3 times thicker than it used to be. We’ll see how long it lasts but I seriously hope for a long time.

Random Ponderings in May

2008-05-07T15:36:00.000-07:00

So sorry I’ve left everyone waiting around with baited breath. I’m sure some of you have been just pulling your hair out and losing sleep waiting for a new post from me ;). I haven’t given up on my lil blog, just been busy with life changes, like mainly a new job, which I’ll get into more on another post.

Things have been good and while I wish I had something more concrete, I’ve only had a few things really running through my mind that I can share at the moment.

Rising Gas Prices-Ok, so I think we get it. Gas prices are really high. Really, really high. I mean the highest its ever been before and its only going to break the record it broke this morning, tomorrow morning. It’s going to hit $4 by summer. It’s really, really bad. Thank you newscaster people. I get it. Now can I hear something else on the news every single day. And while I’m bitching about the news, someone is shot or assaulted in Baltimore every single day *. Can we move on???? Need we hear the same ‘ol report every day?

* Slight exaggeration.

Presidential Elections-Anybody still care about this? Um, when is this over? Cause everyday with Obama and Clinton. Geez, I’m over it. Elections are going on. Someone will get in. One of those schmoes will be our next Pres. Bush will be out, everything will be wonderful. Do we really need a play-by-play, everysingleday on the what’s and who’s and where’s and when’s of this goddamn, dragged out election. Fuck! How about a quarterly report? Better yet holla at me in September.

Papal Visit-Why is it when the Pope visits they call it the Papal visit. Why isn’t it call a Popal visit?

Also, sorry to all my fellow bloggers who haven’t heard from me. It’s not that I don’t have love anymore, its that my new job have blocked Blogspot! :( I’ll try and catch up soon as I can.

And BIG UPPS to my Cuz from CT for reading my blog. Love ya! And much love to the little ones!

At Eastern Motors...your job's your credit...

2008-04-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

So how sad is it that when those stupid ghetto-tastic Eastern Motors commercials come on (in the VA/DC/MD area that is), I not only know all the words, but automatically start bopping my head to the strong rhythm like that is my jam? Like its a sho-nuff hit song you'd hear on the Top 10?

And I know I'm not the only one!

That daggone commercial and jingle has been running for more than 5 years and it still sticks to this day. I don't know anyone whose every bought a car from there (I wouldn't) but damn, who doesn't know the jingle and infectious beat. Last night I was preparing for bed when the commercial came on and I found myself falling into full-on song and dance:

At Eastern Motors...your job's your credit,

at Eastern Motors (motors) your job's your credit.

Ford, Hyundai, Chevy, Beamers and minivans, over 600 cars,
trucks, SUVs are you listening man? Let Eastern Motors put you in a car
today. Let Eastern Motors finance it all the way.

All I can say is they got my ass. I will probably never forget that song for as long as I live.

For those outside of the area, here's the ad in question:

That's Wack, Mr. Beemer Man

2008-03-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, I gotta another beef (what's new, right?)

I live in an apartment complex that pretty much caters to low-income families; its mainly Russian and Mexican immigrants with a mixed of a few black folks. Well some mofo (who happens to be black but I'm not going to focus on that at this time), has decided to buy himself a 5-Series BMW, that he proudly keeps gleaming clean and sparkling new. My issue? Why, if you can afford a 5-Series BMW (which looks to be at least the 2007 model) are you living here, with low-income families (and me)?

I don't understand it. If you can put out the money for a car like that, with shiny ridiculous rims, you'd think, you could afford a better place to live, like, um, I don't know, owning your own home. I'm going to assume that this man is trying to impress us (and everyone else) with his shiny vehicle by attempting to buy his status. But mofo, how much status are you gonna have driving that $44,000+ car to this little apartment complex?

I'd think that that money could be better spent investing in something. Like something that could appreciate in value over time, instead of depreciate. I could never quite grasp the idea of throwing large sums of money into a luxury car and then living in low-income housing. I mean his car note is not far behind his rent payment. But I guess that is a classic example of people who plan for the weekend, as opposed to people who plan for the next generation.

But you know what, ya'll, I don't know this man or his situation. It could be that he's actually living here cause he bought this car and couldn't afford to live anywhere else. Or maybe his wife put him out. Or maybe he lost his job and had to downgrade his place. I don't know. Its just something I notice some guys do and it plucks my nerves.

Meanwhile, he could get up out my parking spot.

No Country For This City Girl

2008-03-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

Lat summer I went to Ocean City with a good friend of mine and one evening, we visited a friend of hers who had a house in a part of town called Easton. Picture big, wide, open spaces, rolling acres of grass and land and houses so far apart, you could park a whole 'nother town in it between them. Well, we cooked out, which was nice but as the sun went down, I became increasingly uncomfortable and seriously wanted to head back. My friend, however, was loving the countryside and I was horrified when she said she could live out there. I was antsy to leave. Something about the wide open spaces really freaked me out.

In fact, anytime I get away from the city where the land is more open and spacious, and see rolling plains of grass, I feel uneasy and uncomfortable.

Well I finally remembered why. Playing around on You Tube, I found this TV intro:

No wonder, I've been so creeped out! I've had this implanted in my brain all this time. As a young child, this intro creeped me out so much I NEVER watched the show and turned it off soon as this came on. I think I subconsciously filed this in my little brain and that became my association with the countryside. Still creeps me out. In fact, I just watched that and I'm a bit unnerved right now.

Damn TV shows. Oh well, guess I'll stick to the good ol' familiar city atmosphere: riff raff, traffic, profanity, urban decay, anonymous mugs walking down the street...ahhh, that's home.

Dear Spammers...

2008-03-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

I can always count on it. Every freaking day I could put money on the certainty that I will get some spam, worrying about whether I'm happy with my erections, claiming that I can "go longer", make my woman scream and beg for more or offering me a bigger, harder or better erections and 'go all night'.

So lets clear this up right now for the spammers out there:

No, I'm actually very happy with my erections!

No, I'm not at all worried about my size

No, I have no trouble going as long as I want to

And for the record, consider me well hung like a Zulu, South African horse on Viagra!

Thank you very much and I'd appreciate being taken off your small penis/weak erection/minute-man mailing list.

Hanging very low and swinging,

The Girl From Park Heights

(Some) Men Are So Damn Oblivious II

2008-02-27T09:50:00.000-08:00

She's not that into you if:

*deep exasperated sigh*

I was in Philly for a meeting over the weekend where we had presentations held in a large conference room and was served by the wait staff there for 2 days. I could have put money on it cause out of the corner of my eye, I could sense that I'd accidently (always by accident) caught the eye of the tall, dark-skinned brotherman waiter and that he was glued. (Always! Always happens to me. No matter where I go, there is always some service man whose interest I've caught. If he's waiting tables, taking out the trash, mopping the floor, bussing tables or cleaning toilets, he always wants to know ME! Sorry, not a beef with service people just a weird, uncanny coincidence, of which I don't understand. But that's another rant for another day).

So he's staring and I'm getting my food and getting back to my seat as soon as possible. Later, he makes a special trip to take my plate away from lunch and asks if I'm from Philly? No. New York? No. Jersey? Nope. I finally tell him Baltimore (to make a point that I just don't live anywhere near here). He seems more intrigued. Fuck!

Later again, that same day, he walks by (still bussing tables) and makes a comment on how beautiful he thought I looked. Thanks, I say. Then scramble back to my seat and out of his view. Everytime I went to the ladies room, there he was smiling and staring. I would think that my saying I don't live anywhere near Philly would be the clincher. Ohhh nooooo! That would be too easy.

Next day, he's there again, making sure he's the main one filling up my soup bowl and again remarking as he passes me on how 'beautiful, so beautiful', he thinks I am. Fine. I heard. Let it go.

I walk past later and he asks for my business card. I didn't bring them (the truth). And later (yes we were there all daggone day), he comes right up to me and asks if he can give me his number.

Why?

Seriously! If a woman has darted to get away from you, keeping conversating as curt and swift as possible, has clearly stated she doesn't live here, makes no eye contact and hasn't asked you a single thing besides what kind of soup is this and after asnwering your questions, nearly runs to get away, what makes you think she's in any way interested?

Huh?

Cause it sounds to me like she isn't at all interested and wouldn't ever call even if she was nice enough to take the number (which I'm not nice enough to do). Hahrumph!

I need to get me a big, fat, fake wedding ring, I swear!

** Cartoon by Rachel Nabor**

Three Ways to Get a Husband- A Ghetto Play

2008-02-20T08:31:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to see the play Three Ways to Get Husband, as a gift from my lovely sister (which was also her choice, I had to add). So I attended with her, my neice and mother and went in with low expectations.

And somehow, the play managed to sink even lower than I'd imagined a ghetto play could go.

*deep sigh* Ok, first the storyline was weak. Basically, it was about one woman's struggle and decision to choose between one ghetto dude who walked out on her to go into the military (played by Leon) and another ghetto dude whose sole purpose it seems was to rip off his shirt and expose his bulging muscles and chase her around the house, trying to get some (played by some really cut dude, cause there's always a really cut dude). Delightful, huh?

Next was the tackiest. It seems that whomever put this together decided in order to truly entertain blacks (cause who else would see this rubbish) was to stick in every black cliche, popular song, noted famed person and dance. During every scene change (and there were only 2 sets: and indoor and outdoor) They played an excerpt from some well-known black song. Then to top that off, they featured a character who was suppose to have schizophrenia and thought he was Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Jesse Jackson and other well-known black figures, spouting even more well-known speeches that we've all heard since pre-K. Tired.

Oh and the tree things it takes to get a husband. Sorry to spoil the whole play for you but the advice that Shirley Murdock (in the role of the big-weaved, wearing mama gave her lil redbone troubled daughter) was 1) always put god first (cause of course long as you have god, a good man will come!) 2) make his jealous and 3) LIE!. Yes, she did!

Course it all backfired as the daughter picked wrong and Shirley had to come correct with the play's only original song, pretty much contradicting the previous advice.

By intermission, I was so ready to leave.

But the worst part for me were the ploys to appease the audience which I found completely silly. During two parts of the play the crazy dude tried to get characters to sing the "Black National Anthem". And they were just as stumped as I was. Was it We Shall Overcome? Wade in the Water? After the character wa them stumped, he was let go and then offered another suggestion...cue music....how about Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye. Seriously, they played this classic and all were happy. Either though the entire peice had absolutely NOTHING to do with the storyline. And neither did the 5-10 slideshow shown in the middle of national disasters and its victims, including Katrina victims, and ending with a message about making a difference, where while the message could vaguely be attached to the plot (1 character was displaced by Hurrican Katrina), was poorly executed, distracting and could have done without the gory, blood images (and the Stevie Wonder soundtrack). Also near the end Lenny Williams (who played the father belted out his hit Cause I Love You) To Shirley Murdock to lock in the audience. SPOILERS HERE:

During the wedding scene, the wedding song was of course Luther Vandross' Here and Now and for the grand finale the characters encouraged the audience to get up and dance...to We Are Family.

I was too through!

And what is up with Leon? Cause anytime he appeared on stage, e'erybody's mama liked to have a fit. Was he suppose to be fine???? Cause, um........naw! He wasn't. Just a really tall, thin, brown actor doing his best in an unfortunate play.

I will say this, it was great seeing Billy Dee Williams, whom I liked as a child, hearing Lenny Williams and Shirley Murdock. Great impersonations from Reggie Reg. And the rest of the cast was also good.

I also thought it was funny that Leon encouraged the audience to visit some website and tell them what we thought. Leon, you don't want me near your site. You don't want me on your forum and you don't want me near a comment box.

I'll stay riiiiiiigt here.

Happy Birthday To Me

2008-02-14T10:13:00.001-08:00

So, I've made my peace with it: I'm 30! I've waved goodbye to my so-called swingin' 20's and opened the door to the new era: my even more bumpin' 30's. I kinda had to, didn't I?

And I've decided not to stress. Sure, 30-something, mindfuckery things like marriage, mortgages, babies and cellulite may be looming, but I could either cower in defeat or stand tall and take it head on like a tru fu schnick. Since I fancy myself as a go-getter, then I think I'll do the latter. Yeah, that's pretty much the plan.

And it'll be fab, just like anything else I do. They say 30 is the new 20 right? I'll let you know. Stay tuned.

Smitten

2008-02-14T05:48:00.000-08:00

Feeling saved,
blessed and amazed.
eyes glazed,
over,
you came to my rescue,
when I was too through,
with open and unguarded emotions,
uncommonly rare and yet so true.

And here I reflect,
on what may be to come,
you've managed to warm the flesh,
and awaken the senses,
on an emotional core that begun to grow numb.
And then some.

With a connection so stable,
it threatens to shake me,
but if this is a dream,
seriously, please don't wake me.

Feels too good,
exchanging shy glances,
blushing like a schoolgirl,
engaging in sly romances,
feeling like its a new world.

You made me believe again,
when my patience was wearing thin,
plus when,
I began losing faith in all men,
you came through on a level that's been unprecedented,
You plain represented.
Goddamn! Amen!

You bah-rought it,
and continue to bah-ring it,
I'm singing it!
No, actually, shouting your praises,
you've made a fool out of the formers,
and me, one lucky lady, and...

Anytime I sit and think could this be real,
your actions meet your words,
not holding back on how you feel.
That's mad appeal!

So what's the deal?

Dude,
you got me straight contented,
and purring like a kitten,
Has the love bug bitten?
You enjoyed these words I've written?
Baby, you got me smitten!

Blast From The Past

2008-02-12T16:52:00.000-08:00

The year was 1992, and I was 14 thinking I was about 20 when this one hit and every girl I knew, in the damn school had to quickly learn this entire song, word for word and the ones who could sing (like me) had to try their best impressions, nearly every chance we got. We ran this song in the hole! But SWV were my girls! And I was wearing out every song they put out from my meager lil boombox. I recall my best friend and I analyzing every detail of their videos and for the life of us, we coudnt figure out how Garfield from Shai (the hot one in the beginning) could even date Coko, who we thought wasn't much of a looker. And those fingernails! But I always loved her voice and jocked all their songs. I miss them. Come back!

(As I was posting this, I had to sing along through the whole thing. Twice!)

Seven Days in Rio

2008-02-07T12:00:00.001-08:00

I'm back! And it feels so damn good to be back in dingy, dirty-butt Bmore. I'm home! After i got over my initial homesickness, I can safely say I had a good time, it was an interesting trip and I had fun!

The Highlights:

Guess what, folks? I saw Jesus! Turns out he's perched high on top of Corcovado mountain, overlooking the entire city. And I got to see him, close enough to touch him and he was fabu. Ok, no jokes, but we did get to take a train to the top of the mountain to see what is referred to as Cristo Redentor, in which you can walk right up to it.

My favorite tour was Sugarloaf Mountain. In which we took a cable car up, not one, but two large mountains. The views were spectacular!!! I wish I had a better camera to truly capture it. Seriously, I wish Bmore had mountains. Next to lakes and beaches, its like the next best beautiful geographic accessory.

Copacabana and Ipanema Beaches. My hotel was on Copacabana but we ventured to Ipanema also. The weather was hot, the water, felt great, the waves were huge surfer's waves and it was nice. The only caveat were the vendors. Dozens and dozens of vendors walk along the beaches selling everything under the sun from suntan lotion, to bathing suits, to jewelry, beer, ice, cream, donuts, hats, and steamed shrimp. All the Brazillian men wear tiny Speedo-esque briefs and all the women wear skimpy two -peices. And I do mean all of them, no matter the shape, size or age. Butt cheeks everywhere.

Carioca's ( the local Brazillian's) were very nice. Everyone was pretty much nice, friendly and tried to help ed us in any way.

Great fresh fruit. Every morning, our hotel provided a free breakfast, which included fresh fuit such as papaya, mango and kiwi. On the beaches, you can buy coconut juice straight out of the coconut and at a corner cafe I ordered a kiwi smoothie in which I believe they just grinded in several kiwi's and served it as is. Pretty tasty. And doesn't get more fresh than that.

Other Observations:

Brazillian woman have big butts and I cannot lie! Indeed. While there were all kinds of overexposed cheeks on the beach, I couldn't help but notice many apple-bottoms dispersed around the city, along with dozens of shades of brown and not-so-brown skin and bushels and bushels of curly and wavy hair; enough to keep beauty supply chains in Bmore stocked for years. Let's get on that!

When ordering a pizza, you also get a side of ketchup, mustard and mayo. But when ordering a burger and fries, you get nothing, not even salt. Apparently, they prefer to put ketchup on their pizza, which they eat with a knife and fork, carved up in little peices and put nothing on their fast food. Several times we had to specifically request ketchup for fries. When ordering Chinese sweet-n-sour chicken, you don't automatically get white rice. Again, that's your option.

Speaking of food, I avoided seafood for the remainder of my trip when I discovered that they oftentimes serve shrimp with the heads still on! A buffet we went to also served baked fish heads! And as an added bonus, found a hidden tenticle in my rice. I stuck with chicken after that.

I took the bus on 2 occasions and was bewildered to find that they actually have 2 people working their buses; the driver and a 2nd person sitting in a special seated area with a cash box to take money. After you give them the money, you go through a tiny turnstile to take your seat. At the airport, they also have an elevator person to sit on a stool and push one of the 3 buttons they have there. I thought both were a total waste of funds. I hope they weren't expecting a tip.
The Mall. We ventured over to the Rio Sul Shopping Center for shopping and ended up having some gelatos in the food court and people watched. Turns out, when eating in the food courst, the restuarants actually come out to your table and take your order an serve you, like in a regular restuarant. Food is served on real plates and busboys take the dinnerwear afterwards. There was also a flat-screened TV mounted on the wall. Sad to say, the shopping there was subpar. Guess I'm not into Brazillian fashion cause all the clothes in every store looked the same: beacy, brightly-colored, T-shirt-matertial, soft casual clothing. Not gear I generally rock in Bmore outside of summer. And every single store was also playing American music. I was in a dept. store for 5 mins. before I realized I was singing long to Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied".

Woman and wedges. Seems like the majority of Brazillian woman love wearing really high heels and wedges, even at the airport and even at 80 years ols, we saw woman trudging along in very high heels. My companion, Cat even snickered at an old lady who nearly bust her ass when her ankles gave out to the side in the airport. Bad Cat!

Bikini's. True to form, bikini's were tiny there. Most that I saw on display had tops with triangles so teensy, you'd barely cover a whole nipple on it and most bottoms were nearly thongs, with most of the triangular fabric wedged up the butt. Sounds appealing, guys? Most of these were on less than toned butts. Unless you love gawking at cellulite, stretch marks and many saggy bottoms. They did not care!

Just as we were told, most people did not speak English and learning some Portoguese did come in handy. Few even spoke it at the airport and besides the tours and hotels, most only knew a few basic words.

American music. Sad to say I heard more American music there, then I did local Samba music that I was hoping to hear. In fact, the only times I really heard anything local was during the cab rides to and fro. I did catch a few Brazillian videos that were played during commercial breaks but otherwise, it seemed that American music was everywhere. I even walked by a young guy blasting rap music from his car system and the bellhop at our hotel (that spoke NO English) had Akon as his ringtone.

Skol. You couldn't drive one block without seeing a billboard or advertisement for Skol beer. It was everywhere! I finally had to try one myself. Tastes like a Natty Boh.

TV shows. I saw more American TV programming than local including TBS, TNT, CNN, E!, MTV, Discovery Health and the defunct WB. They even showed shows that have long been cancelled. It was like watching out leftovers.

Cabbies drive like maniacs. Nuff said. I don't think they do less then 80, even during turns an I noticed few stop or yield signs. Seems like it was a free for all. Reminded me if New York.

Homeless children. So sad to report, there was many homeless kids, sleeping, tucked inside oversized T-shirts, sleeping right on the street. That was probably the most disturbing sight during the trip.

Carnival!

What can I say about Carnival? Well, it looks amazing on TV. In person, however, unless you have really close seats, love singing along to the same Portuguese songs for hours, get really, really drunk or love a looooong parade, it was a bit anti-climatic for me. Don't get me wrong, the costumes were fab, the floats intricate and flashy enough, the crowd pretty engaged and excited but I guess from our seats, where you could barely make out much and the stifling heat, the lack of seats (you had to come early for them), the repetitive, sambo songs playing for hours straight...well, it wasn't exactly what I'd hoped. But it was still an experience and the hottest ticket in town and by golly, I was there!

Overall, a fab, once-in-a-lifetime trip and I'm tickled I got to go.

Foe the exclusive slidshow, see here:

http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j216/Cheekz214/Rio%20De%20Janeiro/?albumview=slideshow

Ate logo, amigos...

2008-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

Eu sou licenza du Rio de Janeiro Domingo manha. Eu querer volta 4th en Fevereiro.

Adeus!

RANT: Plugging TV Shows on the News

2008-01-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

So maybe it was a slow day or week. Maybe they had nothing else newsworthy going on in the world and in Baltimore. Maybe they ran out of better ideas this morning, when I tuned into Fox 45, for the morning news and heard them plugging the new (and ridiculously stupid) reality show Moment of Truth a total of 5 times in the hour between waking up and heading out the door. At one point, it had its on feature in the middle of the news.

First, I understand that its a Fox affiliate so they want to promote their dumb little show, but why on the news? Once upon a time, I swear the news didn't do this. Second, they spend way too much time on this segment, even showing an interview with the show's producer to further promote it. And its so silly. Basically, they hook contestants up to a lie detector and give money to the person being the most honest. And of course they're going to ask the most sensitive, private questions, cause what would a show be these days without scandal, humiliation and exposing personal info for the public's entertainment.

To Fox, the show sounds absolutely retarded. Why not get off the stupid reality bandwagon and invest in better programming ideas.

To Fox 45 in Baltimore, seriously, what a waste of news coverage, spending too much time promoting an equally stupid TV show. Focus on news. Focus on something that may be helpful and informative to the community. Focus on something that may mean something to people (while you have the ability to capture a wide audience). Focus on something that can give people hope. Or something that can educate.

But stop saturating the airwaves with more and more bullshit. We have enough!

Things I've Learned From Watching Hardcore Porn

2008-01-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks to porn, I now know:

Despite popular belief, its not only black men that have really huge schlongs, some white men do as well as Thai men are also well endowed.

Unfortunately what a prolapse is and what it looks like. It's HIDEOUS! And a good enough reason to save that for marriage. Cause I'm not gonna let any dude do that until there's been a ring on my finger and we've taken vows! Maybe not even then.

That it is possible to pleasure 5 men at once. You've just have to be really creative and super ambidextrous.

That women can actually ejaculate! How does one....ok, nevermind! TMI!

That the vagina is more flexible than I ever thought. I had no idea the things you can push up into there. A full fist, a high heeled show, a car hitch, a cell phone, an apple, a water hose, 2 dildos, a cell phone, an whole eggplant, a water pipe etc. Apparently, with patience, anything can really go up there. (No I'm not trying it nor am I endorsing it!)

When attempting anal sex, always, always use an enema first. And when in more doubt, put down plastic sheets.

I can see why two men can get together and not ever need a woman. Ever!

the terms 'scat', 'squirter', 'twink', 'bear', 'golden showers' and omarashi.

that there seems to be an endless supply of people willing to totally humiliate and degrade themselves for personal profit. And some are making a damn good profit.

That in some countries, you can actually pee right on the street, in broad daylight, with bystanders walking by and no one will blink an eye. In other countries, you can have sex in the same situations...nobody appears to care. Apparently sex in public is fairly common. Particularly in Russia.

that midgets actually have very normal-sized genitalia.

that the Japanese are very, very very strange and deranged people.

Long live porn!

Signs I'm Getting Old/Staying Young

2008-01-21T17:35:00.000-08:00

Signs I'm Getting Old:

I now get excited about sales on linens and towels at Kohls

I prefer watching HGTV and TLC's home remodeling shows over music videos and dating shows.

I can't stand MTV's The Real World and now refer to the cast as 'kids'.

In fact, anyone in college and under the age of 24 I refer to as 'kids'.

I'm seriously considering marriage, kids, mortgages.

I stopped reading US Weekly and Cosmopolitan in favor of Psychology Today and Women's Health.

Curtailed my beer drinking in favor of wine.

I am now turning down offers to be a video ho in local rappers' videos (I still got love for them tho!)

I take great pride in mopping floors and keeping counters meticulous.

I'm eating more and more vegetables and liking them.

I'm working out at least 3 times a week and loading up on water.

One item on my To-Buy list this year is a new suit.

I've outgrown Madonna and Janet Jackson and I wonder why they are still trying to perform.

I think all new children's programming is junk in comparison to The Smurfs, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Jem and the Holograms, Reading Rainbow, Zoobilee Zoo, Today's Special, Punky Brewster, and Pee Wee's Playhouse.

I still own VHS and cassette tapes. I still own a cassette player (though I don't use it much). And a VCR (ok, its a dual VCR/DVD).

My niece, who is 18, looks at me like I'm crazy when she sees me dance or hears half the things that come out my mouth. (May not have to do with aging).
I like old school rap better than new rap (and I hate southern rap).

I"m having a harder time keeping up with new music onthe radio. I have to ask my niece 'who is that?' and 'what is the name of that' (could be because I hate the radio and avoid it most days).

Sometimes when I dance for a bit, my thighs begin to hurt. Sometimes I'm sore the next day.

Signs I'm still pretty young (or still immature)

Still sang along and laughed with glee watching The Muppets Take Manhattan the other day.

Delaying marriage, kids and mortgages in favor of self-fulfilling pursuits.

I still read Glamour.

Will still down tequila shots and give the impromptu lap dance.

Will still send 2am drunken text messages of my bare butt in mid-air.

I still dump way too much sugar in my coffee and tea and in cereals that probably don't need it.

I could seriously live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And chips-n-dip and popcorn are dinner meals to me.

I still lay into til noon or later on weekends.

I still think I can get away with wearing teeny, tiny mini skirts. (and low-rise jeans).

I'm still amused by fart and dick jokes. Still love X-rated and bawdy humor (loves me some Jackass).

I still love video games and can play for hours.

I still dance around my living room like I'm performing on stage for an invisible audience.

I still scoff at authority figures and think I know better.

I still ohhh and ahhh over Barbies and babydolls passing through the toy sections.

Why Is It...

2008-01-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

...that on an entire queen-sized bed...

...you decide to sleep on my good work clothes....laying your fuzzy white butt on my good black pants?

Can you explain that to me, Cammie Pumpkin?

My Solution for True Justice

2008-01-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

....and some may not like this. But I was watching the morning news this morning (or really trying to sleep through it) when of two disturbing stories shook the sleep out of my eyes and got me thinking.

The first was the truly horrendous story of a Mobile, Alabama man that pushed 4 of his children all a bridge, ranging from a few months old to 3 years old. Two bodies were recovered and police are searching for the other two. What in the hell!!!!

The other story was that of a child that was beaten to death by his parents. Even worse, is when I tried to do a Google search for that article to provide the link, I found dozens more stories of children beaten to death. I couldn't even find the one I was looking for. Instead, I found these:

Father beat his wife and kids to death with a baseball bat

Teen beaten to death by relative with a cricket bat

Mother of a 2 year old kills child with methadone overdose (apparently she was disturbing the mother's drug-addicted friends

Child beaten to death by mother's drug-addicted boyfriend had over 160 bruises (this may have been the original story I heard on the news)

But I'm not highlighting these stories because they are children or because these were brutal deaths. What struck me is what sentences will these killers face? Jail time? 25 years to life? Death? I'm sorry but if it were up to me (and luckily for them its not) I say the punishment should fit the crime!

You beat someone to death, your punishment should be a swift beating, the exact same way as they did their victim, TO DEATH!

You decide to push your children off a bridge, sentence that mofo and let's quickly do away with him and PUSH HIS ASS OFF THE VERY SAME BRIDGE! That way when he's falling to his death, he'll know exactly what his children experienced in their last moments.

Let's do away with these long, lengthy trials, appeals and convicted killers sitting in jail for decades awaiting the chair or lethal injection (which I think is way too humane for these crimes). I say, let's try them and within 30 days, put their asses to death. The same way they dealt it out.

Think of the taxes dollars we'd save, for months and years of housing, food and medical costs. Perhaps we could reallocate that into education or better health care. Some will say its cruel and unusual. Well it was damned cruel and unusual to push a baby off a bridge! Or give a child methadone. Or beat someone upside the head with a cricket bat. Why should these people's lives be spared? When innocents lay dead. I think if its true justice, the killers should be killed!

Why not try it? Do 30-day or 6-month trial. See how it works?

Pfffff! Ya'll lucky I'm not running things, I swear. It'd be a whole helluva lot different! Heads would roll! Literally!

The Approaching-30 Mindfuck

2008-01-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

So I'm approaching big 3-0. In fact, I'm only a month away from it and as such, tons of things have begun crossing, no trampling across my mind as I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to The Future I've been planning for and its soon going to be time to make some hard decisions and actually carry them out.

And damnit, I'm not ready!

But here's the rundown:

Aging
I always thought and heard from others how the body begins to change around the age of 30. Anyone whose read my previous posts about weight loss, is clued in to how badly I take physical changes. I have no tolerance for them! I've grown accustomed to having a tight, tiny, fit body and damnit, I won't accept anything less. But I can already feel the changes and see that its going to take more effort to stay that way. But I worry about what's next, what's to come. How bad will it get, especially after having babies. Can I keep this up? How big will I be? How low will the boobs evetually sag? How wide and flat will the butt go? How saggy and strechmarked will the tummy get? How much change can I fight and accept? Now I've already taken steps to keep things up but who knows how much harder this will get. Maybe this is why so many woman let themselves go; because it gets too hard and it too much of a battle when you're up against other life struggles. Scurrrry!

Marriage
Fuck! I gotta start worrying about this now? Technically, no I don't, since Im not even engaged, but it does feel like something I need to seriously think about. I always wanted to, but sometimes I wonder. Can I make a lifelong commitment to anything. FOR LIFE! Will it suck like it seems to for everyone else I've known (who all now divorced)? Is it realistic to make such a commitment to anyone? Could I keep myself and my spouse happy, through thick and thin, sickness or health? FOR LIFE??? Can I stay in love? FOR LIFE? It just seems so daunting knowing that you will change, your partner will change but not knowing what changes those will be and if you two will still be compatible and interested in each other 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now. Its not crazy to think that someone whose right, right now, could be all wrong, later. Sounds like such bad odds. Such a huge chance to take. And probably the most important decision you can make in life. Blech! Don't even wanna think about it.

Kids
Another big blech! I have always wanted a family of my own. A big one, like the one I didn't have growing up, but when I sit and think about the reality of the day-to-day life of a typical mother, I wonder if that is really for me. If I'll really truly enjoy it. If I can be okay sacrificing so much of myself, my time and my interests to care completely for someone else. Someone who may or may not appreciate it or show that same love and interest back in return. Scares the crap out of me. I fear losing my identity and LIFE. Having to forgo some many things I love cause I won't have the time or energy or nerves left. I fear the finances of raising a child and the responsibility of raising a healthy, well adjusted, member of this society. I fear that the childraising may tear the marriage apart as studies have shown. The whole damn motherhood thing is terrifying to me. Part of me feels it will spell the end of life as I know it. Well, as I'm living it now. But others say its not so. That I don't have to be like any other mother but I can be the mother I want to be. And do it my way. So true. But it still freaks me out!!!!!

Homeownership
I'm a renter. A happy, giddy renter. Why? Cause my rent is dirt cheap, the increases are cheap and I don't have to do any maintenance. But I do desire my own home one day and raising a family in a house. That means I'll have to bite the bullet one day and *gasp* buy something. With large sums of money. And even more seemingly streaming out of my pocket. The beauty of renting is having much more money in my pocket and in my bank account. The downsides I see to owning are the down payment, the mortgage (probably 2-3 times what I pay now) and the freaking annual maintenance, which I've heard go into the thousands every year. I fear living house poor. No more trips to Rio or Vegas or splurging whenever I want. And yes, I realize that its an investment and blaze, blah, blah, blah but its a huge commitment. I can't even decide where I want to settle down. And Baltimore was not even on the list! Bah-humbug!

So that's it in a nutshell. This whole turning 30 bullcrap has really made me think about my future; where I've been and where I'm going. All that talk about The Future and I feel like it's here. It's knocking on the door. Am I ready? Will I be ready? WHy do we have to grow up. Why can't I stay young forever!

I guess what it comes down to is life is about change and I embrace change, so why would I (or anyone) want to stay in the exact same place forever. Sure, I love my swinging, single girls' life where I can do whatever, whenever and not have anyone to worry about but myself. But whose to say that I wont tire of this self-absorbed, self-fulfilling existence and eventually want more. The next steps? Very likely at some point.

So while it seems I'm bitching, I know deep down that I really do want any these things. The nappy-headed, snot-nosed, crumb snatchers, the big house with the big mortgage, the ball & chain or love of my life and........well I dont want the badonkadonk butt! They can keep that.

I just hate feeling like there is a ticking clock and Im losing time. But I can't go back, nor can I freeze time. I'll just have to roll with it and try to make the best decisions possible for myself.

*sigh* and *eyeroll*

Can't a "Skinny" Girl Decide to Lose Weight?

2008-01-02T06:47:00.000-08:00

First off, I don't consider myself skinny. I'm petite and curvy, voluptuous, etc. I'm thin, granted, but you won't see any of my bones. I also have a weight range that I'm comfortable with and if I begin to grow past that range, I nip it in the bud and do what I need to to get back down to my comfort range.

But anytime I tell someone, I'm trying to lose weight, cutting back on sugar/calories or watching what I'm eating, I get the usual 'you don't need to lose weight', 'you look fine', 'weight, what weight?' Basically, whatever weight I may be trying to lose, since they don't see it, it must not exist, therefore, its a non-issue and I'm being silly. Why would I need to lose any weight, right?

Let me enlighten you.

Just because a person, fully clothed, doesn't appear any different, does not mean, they haven't put on weight and enough weight to make them uncomfortable. And as long as they are uncomfortable, its an issue for them. And even a slight weight gain for a slim person, say 5-10 pounds, can easily cause clothes to fit much tighter and less comfortable and I'm sure I'm not the only on who has experienced a waistband so tight after eating a meal, the the top button had to be removed to commence with breathing.

I'm also a person that likes to handle situations while they are small before they balloon into bigger ones, ie, I'd rather work on losing 5 pounds then 10, 15 or 20, cause it would seem to me to be that much harder. Nip it in the bud, I say. Its just a matter of maintenance. If I enjoy having a slimmer build, sometimes that comes with work. There will be times when I'll let it go, such as during the holidays and others when its time to tighter up, such as my impending trip to Rio De Janeiro.

And yeah, some would say, well just don't people you're trying to lose weight. But it always seems to come up, either you're being offered food, asked about your food/cooking/eating habits or people are noticing you walk away from the free donuts or ordering the smallest thing on the menu. Food happens. All the time. But is obviously a sensitive subject for all, the fat and skinny. And not so skinny.

So to conclude, as a not-so-fat, but not-so-skinny chick, I can decide that the extra 5-10 pounds I've gained outside my comfort range is too much and must go. Immediately! Call me vain, but feeling good to me, is looking good and looking good to me is looking the mirror and absolutely loving what I see. It's just that simple.

Some people are just more sensitive about physical changes than others, and this holiday weight is gonna be gone like a freight train!

2007: A Year in Review

2007-12-31T05:29:00.000-08:00

Well, another one has come to an end and as usual, I like to look back and reflect on the year. It was a good one. Interesting, rocky in some areas, but full of growth, good times, new adventures and some nice surprises.

The Goods:

after setting a goal to get into local film last fall,m I'm delighted to say I not only started doing some acting and writing but starred in 4 local films during the year, one of which wsas screened at the AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring and won an audience favorite award. Go me!

I also had the opportunity if being apart of a 2nd video shoot (see E Major's video), which was not only fun but gave me the opportunity to see some good friends I hadn't in awhile.

Finally got to go to Miami's South Beach (see that thread for pics).

Finally got the spend an entire weekend in New York, spending too much money but had a ball.

Finally got to go to San Diego, twice on business and see the left coast.

Had the pleasure of seeing Beyonce and Citizen Cope in concert.

Went camping for the first time.

Started my very own Baltimore Filmmaking Group to help local filmmakers network.

Saw Chicago, the musical, in the theater.

After a long round of sucky, uneventful, yawn-worthy and dismal first dates, I finally had an amazing first date with someone that proved to be a cut above the rest. Can't wait to see what else happens!

The Sucky Stuff:

Well, true to form, there were also a handful of awful, yucky stuff which honestly doesn't even deserve bullets here. There were some really dreadful, painful moments, lots of tears shed, remorseful things were said, regretful areas where things weren't said, hurt feelings, rejection, loneliness, writer's block (who knew), procrastination, agitation, various annoyances, migraines, friends left behind, friends who left me behind, job boredom/aggravation, conference calls, too-long meetings, isolation and overall suckation.

But that's all behind me now. A new year is approaching and as always, I'm going in and coming out with a bang. And I'm excited to see how this one unfolds and what new adventures I get into.

See ya on the other side!

What Constitutes A Slut?

2007-12-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

I have was a having conversation recently about the news of Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's lil sister being pregnant and all the disdain and disgust from it and noticed how quickly people are to judge and label others, particularly celebrities. Specifically, labeling people as sluts and whores and it got me thinking; what really constitutes a slut? Perfect example: Paris Hilton.

Its no secret, that the heiress has a sordid reputation and is widely called a slut, a whore and loose, but to be quite honest, I'm not completely sold on this nor do I think its totally justified.

What would actually make her a slut? My definition has always been someone who casually sleeps around or has sexual relations with several people at a time. Do we know that she's has done that; has slept around with numerous people?

Here's what we do know:

she was engaged to Jason Shaw from 2002-2003, then engaged to Paris Latsis is 2005. She was also in commited relationships with Stavros Niarchos III and Rick Salomon.

She's also been quoted as saying on Regis & Kelly "One-night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more, if you don't just hand it to them on a platter."

She's currently in a committed monogamy relationship with a Swedish model.

So what exactly makes her a slut? Ok, here's what more I dug up:

She was featured in a sex tape (1 Night in Paris) with then boyfriend Rick Salomon, which was then distributed for profit against her wishes. She even sued her ex for damages.

She's appeared in a number of ads and endorsement deals scantily clad and sexually provocative (The Carl's Jr.'s campaign comes to mind). She has also be photographed half naked many times.

She has been seen out many times without underwear.
She dresses sexually provocatively.

She is known for being a hardcore partier and has been spotted out on the club scene regularly.

She is a women with many friends and dates frequently and has been spotted out with many guys and kissing and canoodling with differnet people.

So in evaluating with I know and have read about her, I have to ask again, what makes her a slut? Is it the sex tape? Cause I seriously know lots of people who have done things on video or had pictures taken of them in compromising positions.

Is is because of her highly sexually charged pictorials and ads, such as the Carls Jr's ad? Or is it because she's done this to promote products or sell her image? I myself, have had photos taken in a sexually provocative way to promote photographers' work and for my own personal portfolio. Turth is, most top models are photographed nearly naked. In fact, a succesful model is one that has to be comfortable enough with her body to potray what the clients need.

Is it the going commando? Because I can assure you, there are many women who have gone out without panties on. We have been lucky enough to not have papparazzi following us and recording our every move but its done, all over the world and probably at a club near you. And probably not even a club.

Could it be the sexually provocative dress? Many other women do this for a night out on the town, for their husbands or boyfriends, to the beach or just for fun. Is it 'you are what you wear' or 'if it walks like a duck...'? Does just showing your body is a provocative manner, mean you're slutty or easy?

It can't be the partying and drinking cause we've all pretty much been there.

What about being seen out with different men? This one hits home with me. For years, I was a swinging, single girl who dated often and very frequently and if papparazzi were following me, they would have found me out with different guys on the regular and probably assumed they were boyfriends, lovers or what have you. Truth is, I just dated a lot. But despite the large number of guys I might have gone out with, there was only a very small fraction that I truly dated and spent time with and an even smaller amount that I was intimate with, in commited and non-commited relationships

So again, what makes Paris Hilton a slut? Or Britney Spears a slut? Or Kim Kardashian a slut? Cause I've heard all these women called these names. Seems to me that these women have had a string of committed relationships (some acts caught on tape, others not) but we have no real proof of them having random sex with anyone. Sex with boyfriends, yes. But just anybody? I guess some may have a different definition of the word but going by these examples, well that would clearly make me a slut or a whore, since I'm guilty of most of the same things.

So am I a slut?

Someone has also mentioned to me that this is due to the whole virgin/whore dichotomy that exists in our society; that women can truly only be one or the other. Although, I believe every women has some angel and some devil in them to varying degrees.

And I don't even have the time to get into how if any of these women were male, they would be heralded as playboys and a players, not sluts.

I just find it interesting how quickly we are to label women as sluts and I still have a difficult time understanding why.

Don't Call Him Girl

2007-12-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

Girl,
before you even think about picking up that phone,
remember how he left you hanging,
stranded, sad and all alone.

Before you even consider sending that text,
recall his guarded walls,
and how he had the balls,
to curtail his a daily communications,
to weekly, check-in calls.

Before you get all excited,
remember how your feelings were left unrequited,
Don't allow your mind to forgive the bad and emphasize the good.
Remember you were not considered,
you were not invited.
You were slighted.

Before you start to spin fantasies
all up in your head,
remember you were never in his,
at least not outside of his bed.
Remember what he did,
and not what he said.
Cause his words only attempted to feed,
the heart that needed to be fed.
Leaving the mind confused,
the soul shaken; the heart bled.

Lets go back and recall,
How he pursued you like a hawk,
And how you let him in,
Cause you thought he was genuine,
and then it crumbled when the catch was caught.

Take note of the blatant excuses,
Which got more and more absurd.
How baffled and dazed he left you
And when his actions didn't match his words.
Fuck what you heard!

Why should you try to mend a union,
that was never quite on track?
When you took steps forward,
and he took steps back.
And why should you compromise yourself
for a situation that was wack?
Only a fool would put up with his fuckery
Only an idiot would go back.

I remember how you were stressing,
over how you were confessing,
that your feelings were progressing,
too bad, his were regressing.
Depressing.
The love that's right won't keep you guessing.

Girl, don't buy into his temporary charms
he'd rather try his hand at all the beautiful women out there,
then to focus his attention on the one in his arms.

If his feelings were true,
He would have fought for you
the breakup was overdue
you alone can't build a house for two.
You came with your honesty,
he bullshitted and flew,
What is a girl to do?
You were smart the first time,
when you bid him adieu.

Your history was rocky,
only when he was bored, he appeared.
He entertained you just for the moment,
Then weekends hit, he disappeared.

You tried, he lied,
you cried, he denied.
Why give him back the option
and let him decide?
Why invest in a man that could never provide?
When you have everything to give,
and nothing to hide?
Is this a symptom of loneliness
or are you all about the ride?
Between you and him is a great divide.
Girl take back your pride!

Don't delude yourself into thinking,
he had the package deal.
Don't settle for some breadcrumbs,
when what you want is a real meal.

If he gave half a damn,
he’d have shown you that care,
he’d had put in the effort of building something,
the two of you could share.
And his sexin’ was hardly the best.
Oh yes!
I went there.

You'd be playin' yourself to go back.
Don't let him disgrace you.
Cause he didn't even bat an eye,
to replace you.
Nor is he breaking his neck now,
to chase you.
Or come correct with deserving treatment,
to embrace you.
Don't let him waste you.

You accepted him flaws and all,
while he made comments that made you feel sub par,
You were attentive to his needs,
trying to get closer,
while he toyed with your head,
and kept you emotionally far.

Know that this comes,
from a source of love
Please don't take this as an attack.
You call me, when you're feeling weak,
talk to me if you need a good smack.
Cause you deserve so much more,
than his tired, played out act
Keep moving forward, baby girl.
Don't look back.

© 2007

"It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you...

2007-12-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

...(left you) without a dope beat to step to. Step to, step to, step to..."

*sigh* I know some of you have probably been checking in and wondering where am I; why haven't I been up on my blogs. My apologies. Like anyone else, life has been happening lately and keeping the mind utterly preoccupied and consumed. But I'm hoping to clear the head and get some blogs up soon.

So what's been up with me? Here's the rundown:

Xmas (yes this agnostic celebrates the secular holiday). Been trying to scrounge up money to buy gifts for my loved ones and homies. Every opportunity is shopping, scraping, hunting and pecking. Sucks!

Immunizations. Did I tell ya'll I'm going to Rio De Janeiro next month? Well, the immunization costs are a beast and have put the breaks on my social life. I barely have 5% of my pay left after that. That's real.

New projects. So I'm been slated to work on a new documentary with a DC filmmaker friend of mine, except this time, I'm going to be more involved in the writing and directing of it. In fact, he says, I'm doing all of it (ha ha)! Research and planning needs to take priority. Shooting schedule will follow in January. Yay! Least that is fun.

'Member that whole 'hating winter' rant? Like a mofo! Let me tell you by the time I grind my teeth through 40 mins of rush-hour traffic (cause its below my minimum temperature requirement to take metro), peel off the 3 layers of clothing I have on and clean my dripping, runny nose, I'm so not in the mood most evenings. I seriously need to decompress and that has gotten in the way of blogging.

But it won't be long ya'll. As always, I'm be cooking up sumthin' sumthin' for ya soon!

Kisses & licks,

Girl From Park Heights Blog Management

Interracial Dating: Need Some Cream in your Coffee?

2007-12-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

My girl Cat had posted a blog the other week about interracial dating and the woes of the black women and I responded but it still got me thinking on the subject and I wanted to share my thoughts here.

I'm sure by now, most of us are famaliar with the sad statistics on how nearly half of black woman will never marry, can't find good men, are having babies out of wedlock, raising kids alone and blah, blah, blaze blah. Basically, if you're a black woman who had your heart set on meeting and marrying an eligible black man, and worse if you're professionally successful and highly educated, well, you may be shit outta luck.

However, research articles are saying it may be light at the end of the tunnel. Its funny how me and my black girlfriends will be out and we'll see a black man with a white woman on his arms and immediately scrunch up our faces and think 'why her? when there are so many of us wandering around'. However, its even funnier how when we see a black woman out with a white man on her arms, we want to cheer, give high fives, standing ovations, dap, love etc. And why?

Cause you know what I say: Take their men too!

Don't hate! Congratulate. No better yet, conjugate, copulate, mate! That's right. Black women, iffin you are trying to secure a committed relationship with marriage potential, please do not sell yourself short by only considering one type of guy. There are so many more out there and truthfully, you just may have to consider different colors and flavors! Why should we go without while all our racial counterparts are getting their men and building homes and lives together, while we struggle trying to be mothers and fathers, raising kids and maintaining homes alone or worse not having kids cause we haven't found a partner! Why should we accept perpetual singledom if that's not what we want! We need to expand our horizons.

Seriously, we are too good to be missing the boat on having a family or finding true love. Sometimes you just need to step out of your comfort zone and try something new. You maybe surprised what you could stumble upon; like a real love.

Sigh I'm So Over Big Boobs

2007-12-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

So ya'll are probably going to roll your eyes reading this but I've come to the conclusion that big breastisis are so overrated and having then, I'm over it. In fact, I wish mine were a bit smaller.

Once upon I time, I was a young girl, growing and developing and wearing an A-sized training bra in the 4th grade. I kept on growing until I reached a comfortable 34, B-cup by age 12, where I remained until college. I was happy there. The boys took notice, girls envied, I could buy bras in any shop and always had a nice little cleavage that never really interfered with anything.

Then sometime during college, I had another growth spurt and expanded into a 36, C-cup. Still I was pleased. I had a nice round, pert rack that was the envy of most and I could sport any top with pride. I was happy. It was great.

Then again, something changed. I began noticing my bras getting tighter and not fitting right. Buttons popping off shirts. Could it be? Oh snap! At the age of around 26-27, I had yet another growth spurt and was diasppointed to discover I was now a 36 D-cup. A D-cup! I thought that was for older ladies who had already popped out kids, not young trim ones like me. Dang!

So now, buying bras is a total hassle as all the cute ones are for smaller cups, like the lacy or printed ones. Know which are standard in D-cup; black, beige and white solid colored bras. AND, you need to get to the store on like the first day of new merchandise to even get the D-cup sizes. And forget bikinis. If anyone has seen my latest Miami bikini shots, I'm sure you've noticed, I was just barely hanging in there. There's always some sideage, underneathage and overage hanging out, no matter how you try and get it or else buy some overly large granny top with the wire. Please!

Sure, I can rock a clingy T-shirt like no other but in any other low-cut top, there is always the threat of them falling out and spilling over. On the dancefloor, I am always conscious of my boobs, where they're going and whether they are staying where they need to. It hinders my dance skills. Then just laying around in bed or around the house, there's always this flipping and flopping around, swinging and moving independently from each other, just gets on my nerves.

And there's the threat of them getting bigger after childbirth! Naw, naw, naw. This is enough. No bigger. Its just not cute to me anymore. I'd love to have smaller, firmer, perkier little boobs. A B-cup again. Boobs that make the overall shape look more tight and athletic than these big, tired fat-bags taking up my chest.

Not seriously complaining. I realize, I'm blessed. But damn, the blessing can stop now. I need no more!

10 Things I'm Grateful For This Thanksgiving

2007-11-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

Totally stealing this blog idea from the Friendly Neighborhood Skeptic.

Nip/Tuck's newest season. Thank the agnostic gods that FX has brought back my Tuesday night debauchery fix. Everytime, I hear them say 'shit', 'dick' or 'pussylips', I squeal in delight at having some sliver of X-rated adult humor slipped into basic cable for broke mofos like me and act as if they did it just for me. Carry on FX and Drs. Troy and McNamara. Please, continue to spoil me with gratuitous sex, tight bare asses and insane plotlines. Best thing on TV today!

Fast metabolisms. Though mine has slowed a notch. I'm so grateful to still have the ability to guzzle beer, dine on cheese, gorge on pizza and throw myself on the mercy of french fries and other goodies and still be able to get into my lovely low-rise jeans. I realize it won't last forever and I'm going to milk it for all its worth.

Tiffany's Beauty Supply on Reisterstown Rd. I LUV me some them! Since I was in high school, this store has been hooking me up and I'm so pleased to see them grow and expand their wonderful store. Whatever your beauty needs, seriously, they have it. And yes, I consider myself as their personal endorser.

My kitten babies: Angel Baby Muffin and Camryn Pumpkin. Obviously, I'm in love with my kitties. Joy to me is begin greeted at the door by a sweet, little fluffy butt, waking up to a soft little paw on my shoulder, having a warm, nuzzling little body on my lap when I'm on the computer, seeing sincere, gentle little round eyes looking out for me when I'm sick and having a lovable little friend lay on the floor when I'm cooking or taking a bath just cause she wants to be near me. If you have never experienced that kind of love from a pet, I highly suggest it.
My Ipod. Cause lets face it, people are gross, boring and icky sometimes and what better escape then to be able to stick some earbuds in your ears, crank your own created playlist and tune everybody the hell out. I only wish I could listen to it all the time.
Employment. I am grateful to still have gainful employment and to not have gotten fired thus far. I seriously hope I can keep the charade up and keep the paychecks a-coming. Cause being broke, in in default with bills and having bad credit sucks. So I've heard.

Yada, yada, yada.

Uhhh, yeah, sadly I started this one last week and have since gotten bored with it, so I don't actually have a 7-10 but lets just say life has been kind to me as of late but I'm kinda over this particular blog.

Moving along.

Stop Embarassing Yourself Tiffany!

2007-11-20T08:28:00.000-08:00

Ya know, I am not a fan of breast implants at all but what is worst to me, is when an already well-endowed person, then decides to blow themselves up even more, I guess in a sadder attempt to conform to grotesque Hollywood standards. Ladies and gentleman, I'm talking about Tiffany Pollard, aka New York of VH1 fame. I just happened to be flicking channels (cause I can't stand her new show and refuse to watch it) and the first thing that stood out (aside from her usual garish overdone makeup and bigger-than-life weaves) are her newly enlarged breasts, plumped so freaking high in the air, they are nearly slapping her in the face. They actually only sit inches away from her chin.

Yo, Tiffany, you look RI-DIC-U-LOUS!

Stop embarassing yourself!

You will never have a serious acting career by bimboing yourself out like some cracked-out, version of Pam Anderson. And stop doing these I Love New York shows. If it has taken 3 shows to help you find a man, obviously, its not helping you or your career. You are making a fool of yourself!

I So Hate Winter, I Swear

2007-11-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know, it's not even winter but just the drop in temperature lately to 40 degrees has got my griping already and getting ready to have a 'tude over the impending new season anyway.

I hate winter time. And here's why.

I hate cold air. I hate the feeling of a chilly, winter breeze, freezing my cheeks, watering my eyes and turning my nose into an instant faucet, so much in fact, that I have to dig into my pockets praying to the gods I don't believe in that there are some old tissues hidden in there to clean up my snotty nose.

I hate large, heavy, bulky woolen coats and thick socks; gloves that I have to cover my delicate little fingers with but then also have to pull them off to find change or do anything that requires me to decipher what I'm touching. I hate wearing scarves to cover my neck or hats so I don't catch a death of cold, which also serves to mush down the hairdo that I spent meticulous time creating before I left the house and of which I'll have to refix, soon as I get to my destination. I hate having to be bundled up. I much prefer for my skin to receive as much sun and air as possible. I hate having to wear layers and socks with shoes to keep my petite, 'lil frame warm.

I hate snow. Yep, I hate snow. Cause while its all pretty and peaceful looking when you're cozy in your house, in pajamas, sipping on hot cocoa, with nothing to do but curl up with a book or watch movies, its a pain in the crack of my ass when you then have to go to work and must brave the elements in the aformentioned layers of clothing, armed with nothing less than an ice scraper, defroster and thick snow boots to first, clean off your car, then dig it out its spot and pray when you leave that some selfish mofo won't immediately take the parking spot your worked you lil snot-nosed, frozen cold ass off cleaning up.

I hate how my car acts in the snow. Unlike the beautiful, glory days of summer, when it takes off smoothly right after the key is in ignition, its V6 engine, ready and willing to do just as I say. Under 30 degrees, it will hesitate as if wiping the sleep from it eyes and clearing its throat as if it say 'You want me to do what, now? And where?' There is always the 5 seconds when it acts like it won't start and I think 'oh well, have to call outta work' and then the moment when it does and then its 'aw, damn', when the engine slowly and tiredly kicks in.

Then you get to hit the nasty roads. Thanks to the snow, the roads are then condensed into smaller lanes. Sometimes multiple-lane roads become one-lane roads as you try to bypass ice patches and simple drivers that didn't see the ice patches, swerving in your lane as you then swerve elsewhere to dodge causing a collision, for fear of increasing that daggone auto insurance rate. If its still snowing, visibility is poor as you put your wipers on high and squint to see through the frosty windshield. Then when you get to where you need to go (at double the usual time), half of the parking spaces are gone since the plows needed to push the snow somewhere, so you're trying to squeeze into what available spot is left and leave yourself room to get out. Then at the end of the day, you get to do the cleaning and digging again. Oh what fun!

I hate how the beautiful snow, then turns dark and cruddy and dirty a few days later, coating the city streets with ugg. I hate the salt the plowers spray on the sides of your car and how you have to get it off quickly for fear of it ruining your paint job. I hate how my car looks 5 days after a snowfall. I also hate the loooong line at the car wash the first day the weather is clear again cause everybody had the same idea.

I hate how during the winter months, it gets dark by 5pm, making it twice as hard to go back out in the evening since it feels much later than what it is. I also hate the lack of sunshine and gray sky snow brings as it puts a damper on my overall mood. Bright sunshine is happiness to me.

I hate having a birthday in the dead on winter; February, when nasty weather always threatens to ruin my plans. I recall the flu bug that would mysteriously go around every single February growing up, trying to cancel my birthday parties. I hate that the going-out options are limited when its 20 degrees out in February and that nobody wants to go out in February, including me!

I hate sweaters. I hate turtlenecks. I hate any clothes that restrict my body and covers every inch of my skin. I hate how dry my hair and skin gets. I hate trembling. I hate having to almost make a run for it anytime I'm outside to get from the building to the car as quickly as possible.

I hate it!

E Major's Nuthin'Nice/You Know That Video

2007-11-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

Doing another favor for a friend, I got asked to play an extra in my friend E Major's video Nuthin' Nice. So on time I was and on the set two weeks ago to play an exta, which then turned into Girl#4, or a role I like to call 'Pissed Off Stripper". The premise is he's interviewing girls for a job and I guess I was suppose to be some sort of reformed stripper (with a visual resume in hand) trying to make anew. The backstory I created was that I had two kids to feed and was trying to make a new start on the straight and narrow but apparently I was disqualified for the position due to my unseemly past.

Damn, ever since that Verbatim video I've been typecast like a mofo! Nevertheless, the video is mad tight.

Big ups to the director Hilton Carter and the Undersound Crew. Ya'll are doing it!

E Major's Nuthin' Nice/You Know That

http://www.myspace.com/emajorthegeneral

Man, That's an Ass Whopping Right There.

2007-11-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

So apparently, the wildfire started last month that affected Los Angeles county, San Diego, and San Bernardino, destroyed 38,000 acres of land, 21 homes, 42 structures and killed 14 people, might have been started by a 10 year old boy.

Now if that doesn't call for a swift ass whooping,

then I don't know what would.

Someone needs to whoop that ass, as my girl Sunny would say, down to the white meat!

And that's all I gotta say!

Iraq: Are We Making a Difference or Making it Worse?

2007-11-13T06:38:00.000-08:00

I read this article on CNN last week and it really struck me as it described the horrible conditions and situations going on in Iraq right now and it really got me thinking, with all this their describing, are we, the US really making a difference over there? Are we actually helping instead of hindering their growth? Are we making things worse? When the US finally does pull out of Iraq, will they be better off and will they be able to sustain whatever good we've done, if any?

Here's a summary of the main points I got from the article:

1.6 million Iraqi children are now homeless, some due to parental abandoning out of desperation but more from poor socio-economic conditions and deaths from violence.

Many families are living in ares without basic necessities such as food and water and there aren't any jobs for provide for these things.

Iraq's Red Crescent (I'm assuming is their Red Cross) had to close 18 shelters and are trying to house thousands of people in abandoned government buildings for the winter.

The Iraqi children know more about bombs and explosions than basic reading and writing skills.

Another comment that struck me hard:

The greatest concern is the ripple effect it will have in the long term -- an
entire generation lacking basic life skills, surviving with no education, no
income and no families.

Going by this, it sounds pretty dire over there. I wonder if we're really helping those people or just making things much worse.

The New York Weekend

2007-11-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

I finally got my butt up to New York for a getaway weekend with friends and had a great time. The issue was the daggone subway. Seriously, too confusing for me. I depended on my girls to figure out how to get where cause apparently there is 5+ ways to get everywhere and more trains than you can count. But we somehow managed.

The highlight of my touring was the Museum of Sex, which explored attitudes of sex and in the media through the ages. LOVED it!

It's a good thing I saw this sign before I got in cause...

This entire floor was nothing but live porn. I actually got to view some of Deep Throat and was impressed!

The scariest part of the tour and sex is pregnancy and childbirth. And that they've used tools like these to get the baby out.

Then we all went out for a night on the town where I then got tore up and drunk dialed several people.

But wasn't I fly in my new sweater, wrap belt and low rise jeans.

Yeah, had to bring a bit o' Bmore to NY.

Then we went to Harlem and had dinner at the famous Sylvia's Soul Food where we saw none other than Rosanne Arnold and Rosie O'Donnell have dinner with friends. Rosanne walked right by our table!

Had me some fun, spent me some money, at me some food and had a plenty of laughs.

So long, for now, New York. I'll be back someday.

A Word to My Blog Readers

2007-11-04T18:47:00.003-08:00

It has come to my attention that there are many of you (that I know) who have been reading my blogs but for whatever reason has chosen not to comment or let me know.

I wanna know damnit!

So I set up a comment box to the right of this blog to leave me a quick note letting me know what you think. You can also leave comments on any blog post, even if you're not a registered member, by clicking anonymous. But you can choose a nickname, drop your name or make up one for all I know. Hell use a name that only you and I would know.
I just want to hear from you. I want your input.

So drop me a line and send me some love.

'Preciate it!

Hugs, kisses and licks.

Kickball Conclusion

2007-11-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

So it was a really fun season of playing kickball. WE held our owner on a complete losing streak and went out with a big bang (we dressed up in leftover Halloween costumes and partied like rockstars). The team was fun, I learned where my strengths are (running and kicking, NOT catching) and the post-game partying was on point.

Had my fun!

Halloween 2007 in Fells Point

2007-11-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

Halloween 2007 was a ton of fun and me and some friends hit Fells Point for some bar-hopping, drinks and carrying on. It was mad crowded but the costumes looked great and I had fun taking pics. And the Cheekz were out!

Smurfette

Breakfast of Champions

Spartans- These guys were sooo hot. I think a pushed a girlfriend out of the way to get in this pic!

Uhhh, I think this was his costume.

Duff beer for me.

Again, just thought these guys were hot!

The entire Mario Bros. crew.

Can you believe there were two Uma's?

And his stereo was blasting Run DMC.

With Otis, who I mistakenly called Jerome.

Jesus was in the house (and that was a large cross he was carrying).

Blue Man Group

We believe that was Noah's Ark and they stayed together and walked around Fell's like that.

That Saw clown dude with victim (and he pedaled around on a tricycle).

Stacy in a Hat! So cute!

Me and Michael Vick (there were several)

Cat as a can-can girl. So pretty!

Me and some sexy vampire.

I was a girl scout! Anyone want some cookies?

My favorite costume of the night.

Dick in a Box!

Jill's interpretation of Uma ala Pulp Fiction.

Wha ya gonna call?

Can't wait til next year but I'm going to try and be more original with my costume.

So I've Been Tagged

2007-10-31T06:55:00.001-07:00

I got tagged by the Skinny Black Chick...

The rules of the game are:
A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I went through a period in college, where I was obsessed with the movie The Exorcist. Actually, the movie, the book, the screenplay and every little facet or detail I could gather from the internet. The very idea of demonic posession fascinated me and I needed to find out all I could about the origins, the myths, the makings and so on. I'm pretty much over that now.
My eyes are lined up correctly. They are actually crooked. So to compensate, I have a tendence to tilt my head slightly to the left, which makes me feel straight. Even though I'm crooked.
I love candied yams but I hate sweet potatoes! Ick! And I won't eat sweet potatoe pie either cause when you cut it, it has strings in it and I find that repulsive. As if its made of man-made material. Blech!
I used to think Soul Train was filmed in Baltimore when I was little. It just looked so local. I also thought the video The Message by Grandmaster Flash was also filmed and about Baltimore. I thought it was filmed around the corner from me. It just looked like it.
I never originally had ambitions or plans to go to college. My original plan was to move out to Beverly Hills at the age of 18 and somehow get 'discovered' walking down the street or something. Yeah I had it all planned out. I hate school, classrooms, teachers and learning. I was anti-school. But my guidance counselor talked me into it halfway through my senior year and I gave in and decided to give it a try. Glad I did.
When I was little, I used to be afriad of the production taglines they used to show at the end of TV shows, like Paramount, Universal, MGM and so on. Don't know why, but I'd jump under my covers when they came on like an alien was trying to comunicate with me from the TV world. I dunno.
Also when I was little, I used to get insanely jealous of kid actors who got to sing and dance on TV. Drove me mad that they had that opportunity that I didn't. I HATED all the kids in Kids Incoporated including that blonde girl, Stacey Ferguson, who is now known as Fergie from Black Eyed Peas (of which I'm a fan, love the CD). I just felt like they were flaunting my face that they were famous and on TV and I wasn't.

So there you go. You've learned more about me.

"TAG! YOU'RE IT!!
Cat, Black Milhouse, Mad Asian, Wander Woman, Long Beach Babe
Music Snob. Alright, that's all for now.

Aww, Isn't the Justice System Sweet?

2007-10-31T05:33:00.001-07:00

I was watching Fox 45 this morning and they were talking about how some criminal was being released from prison early on account of good behavior.

I don't get that; releasing jailbirds early for "good behavior"?

I mean, if they were so well behaved to begin with,

they wouldn't have gotten locked up from the jump. Right?

Seems to me, that in certain cases, this would do an injustice to those who may have been wronged by this inmate. This reminds me of the case of murdered actress Dominique Dunne of Poltergeist fame who was strangled to death by her boyfriend. He was convicted on manslaughter charges and sentences to 6 and a half years in prison (which was way too lenient for me) but was released after just 2 years. Why? Why was that man given any special treatment? A woman lost her entire life and he was inconvenienced for only 2? Makes no sense to me.

But once again, it seems the criminal sometimes has more rights than the victims.

Gee, aren't they nice?

Ya'll ought to be so glad I'm not running things. It would be a horse of a helluva different color.

Even the So-Called Experts Don't Always Know

2007-10-30T05:22:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, I had an incident with my car and ended up, almost in a ditch (another story). But I was fine, and so was my baby Honda. But it became so dirty, I decided to treat myself to a good car wash. Not the cheapo ones I'd been getting at the gas stations, but a full-fledged one, where actual humans wipe it off and make it shiny. It was also overdue since I hadn't had it done in over 6 months and I was concerned about my alloy wheels. Since, I so rarely get it professional washed and skip it altogether during the winter months, I'd developed a lot of brake dust, which I begun to worry had hardened and couldn't be removed.

So I go to the car wash (at Sparkle Car Wash on Reisterstown Rd.) and they do a good job, but they don't get most of the brake dust off. I ask them if there is anything more they can do to clean the wheels. The wheel guys use this cloth and try and wipe them more but its not coming off. The manager, probably thinking that I'm complaining comes over and asks if there is a problem. I explain that there isn't but I'm wondering if there is anything I can buy from the store that may help remove some of the brake dust. He hesistants, then tells me I might be able to find some cleaner from some auto store way down yonder somewhere but that brake dust like that won't really come off anymore. I ask, can I try something from Auto Zone (which is ONE block up the street), he mumbles a yeah, I guess you could. And I leave a tip and mosey on up there.

I go to Auto Zone, where they have a whole display of wheels cleaners and pick out a nice wheel brush. I go home, follow the directions and wouldn't you know it...not only did all the break rust come right off, but it looked better than what the guys at Sparkle had done. I then wondered why the manager at the car wash didn't know about this product, nor where they using it and just relying on some rags and water to clean alloy wheels. I mean Auto Zone was only the next block up; walking distance really. $9, 10 minutes of my time.

Anyhoo, I was glad I took matters into my own hands. Just goes to show that even the so-called experts don't always know what they're talking about.

Explore the world, find your own answers, I say!

She loves me

2007-10-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

Why I Am Agnostic

2007-10-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

2003, I discovered the term 'agnostic' and it was indeed an huge epiphany for me for I then realized that there was an actual word what my beliefs and that I wasn't alone. It was a great day. Since then, I've been pretty much "out" and vocal about my non-beliefs and my stance on it and hope, if nothing else to educate folks on it and hopefully kill some misconceptions about non-believers and enlighten them. Yes, there are non-believers who are black and young. No, we don't worship the devil. No, we have no trouble dating or making friends. And no, we are climbing in numbers.

So in short, I am agnostic and this is a few reasons why (and I really hope I don't lose friends or readers over this):

I don't believe in life after death. I don't believe anyone truly knows what happens after death so all is speculation. Without life after death, there is no need for salvation, a savior and the idea of judgement, heaven and hell or sin. I believe all living creatures are given one life with a beginning, a middle and an end. I believe the end is death, of which we'll all meet the exact same destiny; an eternal death.

I don't believe in the biblical god. I think its a completely man-made concept. I think its possible that there is an ultimate force that keeps everything in the universe aligned and balanced but I don't believe in an ultimate being whose image we'd been created in, watching over us, judging us, listening to and answering our prayers and putting specific care into our lives. I believe, in the vast great scheme of the universe, our mortal lives are pretty insignificant and we only believe it to be great because we have the ability to think and reason, ponder and speculate. Without this ability to think for ourselves, we'd be no different than animals. And there would be no religion.

I don't believe in the biblical Jesus Christ. I think there is a good chance that the entire nativity story is the greatest story ever sold. There are just too many holes in the story, and not enough evidence or first-hand witnesses. If there was such a person as Christ, I believe he was probably a normal, mortal who may have performed some good deeds, and for whatever reason, people chose to create a messiah out of him. I believe the biblical Christ to be a myth.

I don't believe in worship. I see no reason for it. What would be the point anyway? To create an entire species of living beings, then to to hold their dying devotion and gratitude to you over their heads for their entire lives so that they may get a chance to meet you one day? And if they don't, eternal damnation in the pits of hell? Where is the love there? I believe a loving being would not require ultimate devotion over any other thing to get love in return.

I don't believe in sin. It's a completely religious term to me and I believe it was created to regulate rules and instill fear in people to act "morally" based on morals set by a bunch of dead, white guys some eons ago. Half of those so-called sins are merely normal, human reactions. I don't need anyone to define right and wrong for me. I was taught by my parents, I can observe for myself and decide for myself, what it right or wrong.

I don't believe the bible is the word of god or that any god had anything to do with it. It was written by man, in a successful attempt (in my eyes) to scare the shit out of people to act a certain way. A way, in which the writers deem acceptable. It is not my way. Or even one way. It is merely the ideas of a group of white men, who have passed it on as divine words. And people have chosen to follow it.

I don't believe ANYONE knows how we got here, what the meaning of life is and what happens after we die. No the preachers, theologists, the Pope, nuns, deacons, ministers, none of them. I believe ALL religion to be theories and the theory of a god unknowable. I don't believe there is really anyway to prove or disprove a god, but all theories point to a no, for me. At least not in the neat definitions defined by religious heads.

I can't put my faith into any religion. I believe that if there was a god, Jesus Christ, trinity or what have you, it would not require faith for its existence, it would be concrete like the air we breathe, the sun that rises and sets daily, the water we need for our bodies, the gravity to hold the earth's possesions together etc. It would be an absolute, positive truth that did not rely on belief. IT WOULD BE FACT. And you dont have to believe in facts. They just are. Think about it. If you were a god and created an entire planet and species of living beings, would you not have concrete proof of your existence? Would there be only speculation about you? If you have omnipotent power, how would you allow it to be that there is no real, hard trace of your existence? Why would you allow people to come up with their own conclusions knowing that over half will get it wrong, that there ignorance will spread and spin-off theories and beliefs might prevail. What if everyone has it wrong. Would you want them to know, particularly if their souls depended on it, the right way?? Would you remain silent, allowing them to decipher your messages through vague signs?? I believe there would be NO speculation if this were real. There would be ONE WAY and it would be irrefutable. I mean we would be talking about the creator of the entire universe!

I believe what people refer to as a 'soul' is also a myth. Obviously, if we really did have souls that lived on after our bodies died, we'd need for it to go somewhere and that is where salvation comes in. But I highly doubt it. I believe what people call their soul is only their living consciousness and once the body, the heart and the brain has died, so has the consciousness. And the person does not actually live on, except within the vivid memories of their loved ones.

*sigh* I could go on, but this blog is lengthy enough. But I just wanted to get my general thoughts and ideas out there. But also say, you can be moral and good and just without worshipping a diety. I do understand why some choose to believe and understand how it gives them hope and fulfilment in their lives. I don't hate on them for it. But I hope they don't hate on me, because I've tried it and it did not work for me.

Instead I found peace of mind in knowing that this life is all I have and that my heaven and hell exists right here on earth. My choices and decisions can define my future and its really in my hands. I have to depend on me.

And that's good enough for me.

My Boycott of Soulja Boy

2007-10-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

This had been buggin me for weeks as I can barely listen to the radio withou having to turn it completely off, which is beyond annoying. I wasn't even going to post this but my boy Rashard (Black Mihouse) then addressed it on his blog and made such a compelling point, I have to give love and support to it, because others really should read it.

Basically, he's just pointing how what a disgrace and embarrassment his song Crank Dat (Soulja Boy) is to our black community. I absolutely HATE this song and turn the radio off whenever it is played. It's one of the main reasons why I can't even stand the radio these days because I cannot understand why it passes for music and get so much airplay, particularly because it is so disgusting and degrading and sounds like PURE SHIT! I outright refuse to listen to anymore of this garbage!

I could go on, but Rashard put it much better. Check it out here:

http://blackmilhouse.blogspot.com/2007/10/rhyme-with-no-reason.html

Baltimore, One of the Ugliest Cities?

2007-10-23T06:31:00.001-07:00

Fox 45 talked about the recent poll from Travel and Leisure which ranked the top 25 most attractive cities in the US and wondered why Bmore didn't make the cut. I say, are you surprised? This is an UGLY city! Look around, come on, ya'll know. I honestly think only about 15-20% of the general population here really gives a damn how they look and present themselves when they step out the door.

So then, they asked where would we rank and invited callers to call in. I would have but I was running late and had to jet. But if I had to guess, I'd say....out of 100? Hmmmm, maybe 40? 50? But is up there. I'm gonna be real.

http://www.travelandleisure.com/afc/2007/category/1/subcategory/2

You Know You're at a Black Child's Birthday Party If...

2007-10-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

1. Some of the guest didn't bring a gift, but brought extra uninvited kids.
2. The cake says "Happy Birthday Pookie" instead of the child's name.
3. The party is at Chuck E. Cheese, but they brought their own food, cake, etc.
4. It's a child's party, but there are more grown-ups than children.
5. It's De'Vonte's 1st Birthday, and the party food is BBQ and daiquiris.
6. Instead of playing pin the tail on the donkey, they have a "Back That Thang Up" contest.
7. They don't sing "Happy Birthday"; instead everyone is chanting "Go Man-Man, It's Your Birthday".
8. There are twenty kids at the party, but no parents (they got dropped off).
9. The party was over at 5:00; it's 8:00 p.m. and somebody's child is still there.
10. Instead of loot bags, the party favors are in Ziploc baggies.
11. The birthday cake is Red Velvet.
12. The invitations said "Pizza Party"; you get there and frozen Tony's Pizza is being served.
13. The host calls someone who's on their way and tells them to stop and get some ice.
14. The guests start arriving and the host disappears to get ready.
15. You buy some food stamps from your cousin to buy the party food.
16. You hear someone tell the birthday child, "I am going to get you something next week when I get paid."
17. The party wasn't planned – the birthday child just went outside and said, "Mama said I'm getting ready to have a birthday party, come on!"
18. You got a call on Friday night saying, "I am giving Ke-Shawn a birthday party tomorrow at 3:00."
19. All the kids at the party have on new clothes that they got just for the party.
20. None of the gifts are wrapped because the guest stopped by the store on the way to the party.
21. The gift is still in the store bag.
22. They don't serve punch, you get Kool-Aid and those store brand cheese puffs.
23. The Baby Daddy, the mama's boyfriend, and the mama's ex-boyfriend (the one the kid likes so much) are all there, and the child is calling them ALL "Daddy".
24. There are more family than friends at the party.
25. The birthday child is late to his/her own party because last night they spent the night with their cousin 'n’ em.
26. You have the party over your sister's because she just bought a new house.
27. The cake didn't come from the store, it came from "the lady who makes good cakes".
28. You have to hold on to the plate that you ate your food on to eat your cake.
29. Someone calls and says, "Save me some cake."
30. Guest are wrapping up cake to take to Mama 'n’ em.
31. It's a child's party, but there's a domino game in progress.
32. The baby daddy shows up with all his boyz and you start to fear that there will be a drive-by.
33. The party music is coming from the trunk of someone's car.
34. The Soul Train Line and Electric Slide get started.
Bonus:
35. You and your baby daddy get into an argument because he was supposed to chip in for the party but didn’t because he said, "You get child support, don't you!?!"
A HOT MESS!!!!!

I'm sure this has been circulating hundreds of times already, but it still cracks me up!

Baltimore City Git Yo Shit Straight!!!

2007-10-09T06:01:00.000-07:00

It's no goddamn wonder this city is so fucked up, they can't even process a goddamn parking ticket!

Back story, I got a parking ticket for being dumb enough to park in Federal Hill during a Raven's game (how about the stadium is not even close to Federal Hill but whatever). I promptly send in my check for $77 and some idiot collections data entry clerk endorsed the check but entered the wrong account number, so I continued to get repeated warnings and additional fines for close to ONE YEAR later! It took several calls before we finally got it straight and my check dated Aug 2006 was finally correctly applied in June 2007.

Fast forward now and I make the 2nd stupid mistake of parking in Federal Hill (damn you Fed Hill, I fucking hate you and I'm never parking there again!) Again for $77. I again, promptly send off my check through my bank's bill pay soon as I get it. One month later, I get a warning from the MVA stating that until that ticket is paid I can't renew my tags. Where the fuck is the first check! Oh, you guessed it, Baltimore City LOST IT! Yes they did! Cause Suntrust surely sent it out and I've never had any problems with them sending out checks before. So now Bmore City has lost another payment and my fines are continuing to go up! And now my tags and registration are expired!

So after I then get in the mail notice of my flag fees from the MVA for this ticket and THE ONE FROM LAST YEAR, I give in and pay everything online, thinking that would actually clear everything. I then go to renew my tags. Guess what! The MVA still has me as having an unpaid violation cause the stupid fucking Baltimore City website also still has my ticket as open and outstanding. WHY? Cause, as the website states, it could take up to 3 WEEKS TO PROCESS PAYMENTS ONLINE.

%&($(&%$(&$%#^$#^$%)*^$!!!!!

Why the FUCK does it take 3 weeks to process a payment online? Wouldn't that be faster than mailing ina love check? Cause I've been paying my Verizon, Comcast, Citibank, American Express, student loans, BGE and everything else online and it gets processed immediately! Tell me why, Baltimore City, a government which handles important shit that can effect your car's registration has implemented an online payment systen that works so fucking shittily that payments aren't processed automatically! Can someone explain this disgraceful system of screwing people over!

And I don't give a shit if I get pulled over, that cop will hear my mouth cause I have done everything I'm suppose to do including making not one but TWO payments and here I stand with NO FUCKING TAGS!

And I'm suppose to "BELIEVE" in this city. Get your shit straight Baltimore! How hard is it to have a working payment system the hell down there??? And I will print this blog and mail it to the Director of Finance down there and I should copy it to Mayor Dixon too. They are so damn happy to take the money but don't even know how to process it.

Get it together!

The Jena Backlash (sorry, its long)

2007-10-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

This article was emailed to me by a good friend (head nod to Brotha Lee!) and I had to stop and read the whole thing. He warned not to get upset at first and he was right because while the author definitely digs into our (meaning black folks) ish about playing the victim role, which I realize is upsetting to some, I had to admit, she also made some damn, good, hard points and I can't say I disagree with her. There are things I don't agree with but most, I do.

Attached is the full article and link. Highlighted are the points that hit home with me and that I agree with. It is goos sometimes to stop and look at ourselves and see how others view us and what can be done to improve our issues. I hate to sound like I'm also coming down on blacks but I still feel like we, as a people, need to STEP UP. In relation to this particular case, I'm going to say that the dealings with the Jena 6 are all fair but I do think that as a black person in American, we ought to be really, really watching what we are doing and how we are going to be perceived and prosecuted when these things happen before, it gets to that point. A black person beating up a white person. Who would have thought the penalties would be so harsh? I did. And yeah, the school system didn't do all they could for those black students but I think youngsters needs to understand, we as blacks may not face the same justices as whites or whomever. And as long as we're not running the legal system, we really need to watch and consider everything freaking we do!

The Jena Backlash
Heather Mac Donald
24 September 2007
http://www.city-journal.org/printable.php?id=2369

Let’s assume the worst about Jena, Louisiana, and the charges of attempted murder brought against five black youths for beating a white student unconscious last December: that the district attorney’s indictments were motivated by rank racism, and that the racial tensions in this town of 3,000 are exclusively the product of white animus against blacks. Does it follow that this latest object of frenzy on the media’s racism beat is emblematic of America’s judicial system or the state of race relations today?

That is certainly what the ever-expanding army of racial victimologists and their media enablers would have you believe. Since the Jena story became international news last week, the media, the advocates, and pandering politicians have erupted in an outpouring of seeming joy at the alleged proof—after so much diligent trolling for evidence—that America remains a racist country. Senator Hillary Clinton told the NAACP: “This case reminds us that the scales of justice are seriously out of balance when it comes to charging, sentencing, and punishing African Americans.” Senator Christopher Dodd declared that Jena reveals that “de facto segregation”—in the spirit of Jim Crow—“is still very real” in many parts of America. Britain’s Observer announced that Jena shows “how lightly sleep the demons of racial prejudice in America’s deep south.” The New York Times has designated Jena “a high profile arena in the debate on racial bias in the judicial system”—a debate that perhaps not everyone was aware that we were having. J. Richard Cohen, president of the Southern Poverty Law Center, said: “I think a lot of people recognize that the criminal justice system grinds down people of color every day. Oftentimes, it’s nameless, it’s faceless. . . . People see Jena as the tip of the iceberg and ask: What lies beneath?” Needless to say, the Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have vowed with Biblical thunder to avenge the Jena innocents and force America to own up to its mistreatment of blacks.

Unquestionably, the attempted murder charges (which were later dropped for four of the defendants, while a sixth assailant was booked as a juvenile) merit scrutiny. If the indictment in fact resulted from discrimination, then the prosecutor would deserve the strongest punishment—debarment at the very least and harsh federal penalties for civil rights violations. And the incident that seems to have led to the group assault on the white student—three students’ hanging of nooses from a school tree where white teens congregated—was a despicable provocation. If adults in Jena condoned such incendiary behavior, then these grown-up enablers truly are throwbacks to a vicious American past, and all citizens should revile them. There is evidence, however, that such adolescent cruelty is not official policy. The school principal told a black student who had inquired about the segregated tree that he could sit there or anywhere else he pleased.

But even if the worst possible interpretation of these events is merited, the massive international attention to this tiny town would seem vastly disproportionate to the cause, unless Jena stands for a more widespread problem. The idea behind the protests and the politicians’ exploitation of them is that just as these five youths were overcharged, the hundreds of thousands of blacks in prison are also the victims of systemic abuse. But for institutional racism, the black prison population would be much smaller.

This is an old complaint, for which no proof has ever been offered, Hillary Clinton’s irresponsible statement notwithstanding. The usual evidence in support of the charge that the criminal laws discriminate against blacks is the far stiffer sentences for selling and possessing crack cocaine compared with powdered cocaine. But that colorblind sentencing regimen, which dates from 1986, was a heartfelt effort to protect the overwhelmingly black victims of crack, not to penalize them. Black liberals such as Congressman Charles Rangel were loudest in sounding the alarm about the effects of crack in the black ghetto. Not even the most deluded racial apologists have ever explicitly suggested that racial bias motivated Congress’s efforts to combat a drug that results in much higher rates of violence among dealers and users, quicker and more onerous addiction, and more emergency room visits than its powdered cousin.

The reason that the black incarceration rate is the highest in the country is that blacks have the highest crime rate—by a long shot. Don’t trust the police, prosecutors, or judges to give a fair picture of black crime? Then go where the bodies are. Los Angeles is representative. In the first seven months of 2007, blacks in Los Angeles were murdered at a rate ten times that of whites and Asians. Who’s killing them? It’s not whites and Asians. While a minor proportion of the assailants of blacks are Hispanic, the vast majority are black themselves. Nationally, blacks commit murder at about eight times the frequency of whites. In New York, any given violent crime is 13 times more likely to have been committed by a black person than by a white person, according to the reports of victims and witnesses. Though they are only 24 percent of the city’s population, blacks committed 68.5 percent of all murders, rapes, robberies, and assaults in New York last year. Whites, who make up 34.5 percent of New Yorkers, committed only 5.3 percent of violent crimes. These ratios are similar across the country. In Los Angeles, blacks committed 41 percent of all robberies in 2001, according to victims’ descriptions, though they constitute only 11 percent of the city’s population. Robbery victims identified whites, who make up 30 percent of the Los Angeles population, just 4 percent of the time.

When attacking the justice system, racial agitators work mightily to change the subject from violence to drugs, using their flimsy argument that crack cocaine penalties are too high. But the vast preponderance of prisoners are in the pen for violence and property crime. In 2003, 52 percent of inmates in state prisons were serving time for violent offenses, 21 percent for property offenses, and only 20 percent for drug offenses. To be sure, black incarceration rates are off the charts. Black men were 41 percent of the more than 2 million men in federal, state, and local prisons at midyear 2006. At the end of 2005, there were 3,145 prison inmates per 100,000 black males in the United States, compared with 1,244 inmates per 100,000 Hispanic males and 471 inmates per 100,000 white males. Is that because violent and property crime is overpenalized, as race advocates sometimes argue? No. Despite the advocates’ constant complaints about three-strikes laws, the criminal justice system actually underpenalizes crime because of inadequate prison space. Prosecutors cut deals to lessen sentences; sheriffs overseeing local jails regularly devise new schemes for dumping offenders back on the street to make room for the next batch. And in any case, even if penalties for particular offenses were too draconian, the punishments affect all offenders the same.

No one in the Jena stampede dares whisper a word about black crime, because it undercuts the portrait of a victimized race. You can listen to every protest across the country glorifying the “Jena Six” and you will never hear an acknowledgement of the massive social breakdown that is the black crime rate: no mention of the violence in inner-city schools that black students commit overwhelmingly; no mention of the rising homicides in midsize cities that young black males commit when they feel “disrespected.” It is not racism that is putting black men in jail; it’s their own behavior.

What about the broader significance of Jena? Again, assuming for the sake of argument that this minuscule Louisiana town seethes with the crudest bigotry, held uniquely by whites against integration-seeking blacks, is Jena’s supposed state of affairs a microcosm of America? To the contrary: there is not a single elite institution in the country that is not twisting itself into knots in favor of African-Americans. Every minimally selective college is desperately seeking to enroll more black students. Boosting black enrollment requires drastically lowering a college’s admissions criteria to overcome the intractable 200-point SAT gap between black and white high school students, but every college institutes such double standards for the sake of “diversity.” Any black student who graduates from high school with decent grades and respectable SATs will leapfrog over thousands of more qualified white and Asian students right into the Ivy League. Blacks are also the hottest commodity for exclusive private schools that serve as training grounds for the Ivies. Andover, Exeter, Choate, and every other fancy prep and day school practice the same double standards in their eagerness to admit African-American students. After college, law schools, business schools, medical schools, engineering schools, and others accept black students whose test scores would disqualify them if they were white or Asian.

The preferences continue into the professions. Wall Street law firms annually flagellate themselves over their lack of proportional representation of black associates and partners, even though the number of blacks who graduate from law school with grades and bar-exam scores comparable with the firms’ white hires is negligible. The lack of comparably qualified black candidates does not stop the law partnerships from hiring black associates, though. Corporations have saddled themselves with massive “diversity” bureaucracies whose only function is to justify hiring and promoting less qualified African-Americans and Hispanics. Newspapers, TV stations, and advertisers put enormous pressure on themselves to have blacks on their staffs and to show black faces to the world.

In short, the opportunities for blacks to roar ahead in the economy if they stay out of trouble, study, and apply themselves are legion, but the numbers taking advantage of these opportunities are not. California’s state superintendent of public instruction broke a longstanding taboo this August by pointing out that middle-class black students in the state score worse on math and English than poor white and Asian students—a disparity that applies across the country. The usual poverty excuse for black underachievement does not hold up. (this exact same issue is happening right in Baltimore County).

The Jena protesters will go home in denial of these truths. In fact, the purpose of such mass celebrations—and that is indeed what they are—is to make sure that attention stays far away from the actual problems holding blacks back. Astronomical rates of black criminality are not the only topic that the Jena rallies have obscured. No one wallowing in Jena promotion has had the courage to speak about an even more important crisis, the breakdown of marriage. The nearly 70 percent national illegitimacy rate for blacks—a number that can approach 90 percent in inner cities—is a cataclysm. Its consequences go far beyond the harm to individual black children—especially boys—who grow up without fathers. The real poison of the marriage crisis is the message it sends to young men about personal responsibility. The first duty in civil society is toward one’s own children; everything else is built around it. But when boys are raised without any expectations that they will have to support their children and marry the mother of those children, they fail to learn the most basic lesson about responsibility. They also are freed from the civilizing force of the marriage requirement, which pressures young men to become attractive mates. With enough support, individuals can overcome the moral perils of the illegitimacy culture, but given the prevalence of black crime and disaffiliation from the working world, it’s clear that not enough young men are finding ways to do so.

The race industry will try to keep Jena in the media and political spotlight for as long as possible, and to reinforce the notion that this episode exemplifies blacks’ situation in America. But if there were many other instances of (arguable) overcharging for black crime, we would have heard about them by now. The orgy of Jena coverage will not just fail to improve the lagging performance of blacks; it will impede such improvement by strengthening the victim mentality. Both whites and blacks are complicit in this sabotage. These ecstatic festivals of racism-bashing are a crippling ritual in the codependency between absolution-seeking whites and angry blacks, a phenomenon that Shelby Steele has powerfully analyzed. The demonstrators exhibit a palpable desire for the moral clarity of the civil rights era, as do the reporters, who have covered their every utterance. “This is the first time something like this has happened for our generation,” one student told the New York Times. “You always heard about it from history books and relatives. This is a chance to experience it for ourselves.”

He’s right; there has been nothing like Selma or Montgomery for the current generation, because much of America has accomplished almost an about-face on race since the 1950s. The current martyrs to American bigotry are a far cry from Rosa Parks. Like the “Jena Six,” they tend to have committed acts of violence or other crimes for which they are allegedly being excessively punished. Think of the six high school hooligans from Decatur, Illinois, whom Jesse Jackson tried to beatify in 1999 when their schools expelled them for a violent stadium fight; their backgrounds included robbery, trespassing, truancy, and failing whole school years. We are only belatedly learning that Mychal Bell, the sole member of the “Jena Six” to have been prosecuted for knocking out and kicking Justin Barker, has a previous arrest record that includes battery and property damage. Barker’s injuries led to $14,000 in medical bills, according to a lawyer.

The Jena situation is undoubtedly a bit more complex than the tale that the press has woven of hate-filled whites and peace-loving blacks. But even if it were not, the catharsis that this morality play has offered to its participants is spurious. The real tragedy is the dysfunctional culture that holds back too many blacks from seizing the many opportunities open to them.

Teach You How to Love???

2007-10-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm bothered by this new song by Musiq Soulchild where he is basically asking someone to teach him how to love. The lyrics are like this:

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so
lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me,
show me how to love

I'm bothered cause it got me thinking are there actually people that don't know how to love? To get their emotions involved? How does that happen? How does it not come naturally to some people? Can it be taught? I'm sorry but I know if I were to come across a dude that asked me that, I'd be slightly horrified. If you at this point in your life (meaning adulthood) have never loved or really been in a situation where you'd surrendered your heart and got emotionally involved, why/how could I get involved with such a robot? And while asking for help might be the first step in solving the problem, how do you teach that? By example? By diagram? PowerPoint? How do you teach one to feel? I can't fathom it. Even scarier is that there may be people walking around like this right now.

I sure hope one doesn't try and date me one day. Whose got the energy for that?

I (stolen from Skinny Black Chick)

2007-09-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

Because its Monday, I hate Myspace and I could use yet another mental break.

I am not: you typical black chick. I hate most new hip hop, don't praise your Jesus, nor do I carry lessons learned from mommo or grandmomma.
I hear: basslines before lyrics in most songs
I regret: ignoring years of red flags and making a man my entire world.
I care: constantlyimproving myself and my writing
I always: think of my father in making life decisions. I question whether that would make him proud.
I long to: fall deeply in love again and build a life with someone.
I feel alone: when I reach out and there's no one there and no one trying to be there.
I hide: well....not much. I pretty much put everything out there.
I sing: bluesy love songs, nearly everyday or whenever I'm inspired. And I do pretty well!
I dance: My ASS OFF! Or til I sweat as if is one of the few things in life that truly make me happy.
I write: because it is the easiest way to express my thoughts. It takes the burdens off my chest, organizes my thoughts and helps me express my inner most thoughts and desires.
I breathe: music. Without it I would curl up and die.
I play: with the thought of doing musical theater. Don't know how I'd get started but I'd love to do it if not be one time.
I miss: my Daddy. He was my soulmate in life.
I search: for peace of mind.
I say: too much and that's usually not enough.
I feel: full of anticipation, like I've only just begun.
I succeed(ed): by learning from my mistakes.
I fail(ed): at trying to make a relationship work with a man who did not and would not love me
I dream: of the happily ever after, big house, 3 rugrats, family vacations and retiring with my dearest near the water and ending cozy evenings together with a bottle of chianti. (ya know after the nightly, hot, sticky, Wild Kingdom monkey sex).
I sleep: in next to nothing with a kitty kat purring on my pilow
I wonder: if the big dream will ever happen
I worry: that I'll never be able to have a family the traditional way ie. with a husband
I have: abandonment issues; a fear of being left, discarded, pushed aside, thrown away and forgotten about
I give: too much of myself to unworthy, nonreciprocating people.
I fight: with my inner critic 24/7.
I am: a masterpiece of perfect imperfection. (per Skinny girl! Nice!)
I can’t: be intimate with someone without catching feelings, swim, or count well in my head.
I will: one day be a published writer, a mother, a homeowner, see Europe and Africa, perform on stage, sing for a crowd and direct a film.
I can: be a total child at time.
I would: be a real force to be reckoned with if I could break my habit of laziness and procrastination and get organized.
I might: adopt children one day. I always wanted a large family.
I like: holding and being held. Can never get enough of it.
I love: writing, gossping, dancing, drinking, sex, porn, cats, beer, guys with sideburns, cheese, citylife, flip-flops, sunshine and arched eyebrows.
I smile: when complimented.
I frown: when I am annoyed which makes up about 65% of my regular day
I read: lots of mindless stuff on dead bodies, serial killers, atheism, sociology, pop culture, black culture, dating and single girl life. Crap.

Too Old for Low Rise Jeans?

2007-09-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

So I was feeling antsy and bored yesterday and the only anecdote was a spur-of-the-moment shopping spree and I came across these cute, low-rise jeans on sale in Wet Seal. As I pulled these size 3's up over my 36-inch hips and looked in the mirror, I had to ask myself, at what point am I getting too old for low-rise jeans where actual buttcrack will be showing if I bent over? 30? 32? 27? 40? If I develop a muffintop or a pot belly? Never? When they go out of style? After I have my 3 kids? When I'm too fat (that was a trick question, I'm never going to be fat). 50? Can I rock them til I die and defy trends (or will I just look like an old hussy?)

Seriously. I love low-rise jeans and how they make your hips and shape look but is there an age-limit on them? I'm started to become more conscious of this as I near 30. What about mini skirts? I know I own several that may be around 5-6 inches in length. Where is Stacy London, she would know. Cause I'm still pretty young and free-spirited but I know I'm getting old for the college slut look.

Or am I? Well, needless to say, I bought those jeans with the 3-inch zipper and I'm going to try and get my go out of them. If you should see me out with my buttcrack out and zipper down to my pubes, please don't snap a photo of me and submit it to Glamour's Fashion Don'ts. I already know and yes I'm trying your patience.

What ever happened to...

2007-09-24T08:46:00.001-07:00

Monie Love

Monie's in the middle (where she at?) In the middle. Monie's in the middle (where that at?) In the middle. Monie's in the middle (where she at?) In the middle. Go Mo, Mo, where is she? Monie's in the middle.

I think we were introduced to her when she did Ladies First with Queen Latifah back in the very early '90's. I remember I made it my mission to learn every word to "Its a Shame (My Sister) cause she had that crazy flow of rapping at lightening speed. And I did learn every word. I thought she was a great female rapper.

Where she's at:

Apparently she's now a DJ in Philly, working the morning rush hour. She's also a single mother of three and is slated to do a comeback album. We'll see.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monie_Love

Craig Mack

I remember he was like the ooogliest rapper out at that time but every radio station (ok, 92Q) was cranking Flavor in Ya Ear like every 15 mins and every lil mofo in school had to know this one word for word. I specifically remember being in Reisterstown Road Plaza (when people used to hang there) with my best friend at the time, when a store started blaring this song and me and my friend stopped what we were doing and broke into a full on dance, right there in the middle of the mall. Good times.

His new flavor:

Apparently he left Bad Boy records in 1997 and did a new album with some Street Life records which I don't think anyboy has ever heard of and basicaly fell off the scene.

The rapper reappearred in 2002 on the remix of the G-Dep song "Special
Delivery" with P. Diddy, Keith
Murray, and Ghostface Killah, which
can be found on the Bad Boy album We Invented the
Remix Vol. 1. After starting his own imprint, named MackWorld Records,
Mack
released the single "Mack Tonight" b/w "Hip-Hop Life" in 2006. Plans for a third album,
tentatively titled The Affiliation, were announced, scheduled for release
sometime in 2007.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craig_Mack

Chi Ali

The girls look so good, but their minds are not ready, I don't know, I rather talk to a woman, cause her mind is more steady, so here we go.

He was like 14 when his album dropped and was getting much play on the defunct Jukebox Network (anybody remember that?) But he was kinda cute with his wavy, lil head and his first single.

Update

Looks like another tried to change the formula and fell off. Apparently with his follow-up album he went from cute and sweet, street and thug.

They featured Chi with a slightly more mature voice. Overall, the album's theme
is of a kid who is getting too big for his britches. He speaks of preferring to
date older women, gun
toting, and marijuana smoking, which at
the time seemed cute and laughable. It received mixed reviews for lyrics that
seemed uneven...

Then even worse, he became a thug:

Shockingly, the next time many would see Chi Ali was on the show America's Most Wanted in 2001 for the death of Sean Raymond, the brother of his then girlfriend. Chi evaded police for a number of weeks before his capture. Reports at the time indicated that the incident stemmed from the loss of $300 and an unknown number of CDs. Chi Ali is currently serving a 14 year sentence at Elmira Correctional Facility, in Elmira, NY.

So sad when that happens.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chi_Ali

Special Ed

I...........am the magnificent.

Another one of my early '90s, Jukebox network, heavily rotated video faves. This was my joint and is still apart of my old school hip hop jams mixes CDs.

Where is the magnificent now?

Looks like he tried. He put out a few more albums, which unfortunately went nowhere. But he does have a Myspace page (www.myspace.com/specialedmusic).

Well, at least, he's not locked up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_Ed

Oaktown's 3 5 7

It's time to get ill, we got the pill...

Remember these stanky rappers? I remember dancing to their MC Hammer beats and raunchy, booty-shaking lyrics like I was stank myself. I wasn't, but it was fun. I remember when Juice Got 'em Crazy came out and we were rocking it in middle school.

Well?

Guess everything MC Hammer touched turned to sawdust cause their careers went too. Apparently they just disbanded. Oh well. Hopefully, they're not on welfare.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oaktown%27s_357

Total

My best friend was in LOVE with them. She made me stop what I was doing one day to listen to the bass-line of Can't You See. Coming out, under Biggie's reign, they were tight, I had to admit and finally got into them. I remember there was the real pretty Keisha rocking the half-way bald look and making it look hot, then the Pam, the one we all assumed was a lesbo based on her mannerisms and depp voice and we couldn't quite see her with a dude though she tried and Kima, the not-so-quite cute one. Actually, she was kinda funny looking. Even with the long weaves.

What up?

Apparently they are back together and working on a new album. Keisha ass went and married Omar Epps (ok, then!) and I read that there will be a 4th member. We'll see.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_%28band%29

SWV

I used to love me so them. I had every album and would be up in my room perfecting my rendition of Weak til my throat hurt. And how about their song Downtown. They had al us high school girls openly singing about a man going down (some of dreaming, some not). Funny looking, yeah but they had all the hits. Everything they put out was a big hit. I was mad when Coko, tall ass decided she was too good and went solo. Didn't go nowhere.

Update

They are getting back together and have already started performing. And I'm happy to hear it! They were my girls! Youtube is suppose to have some recent clips.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SWV

Color Me Badd

I wanna sex you up!

Awwwww, yeah! That was the song. THE song, that after hearing it for the first time convinced me that I must lose my virginity and quick!!! I am not playing. I saw Bryan Abrams fine behind talking about "dooooooo meeeeeeee" on TV and bout lost my mind. Who cares about the other ones. He was the FINEST white man I'd ever seen in my life and whatever he said do, I did. I would. It's done. Even girls who'd never looked at white boys before (unlike me) were like dayy-yumm! I was ready to marry that man. Bryan, not the rest of them.

What now?

Mid-90's, they couldn't hang. What else is new? Epic records dropped them and they broke up. The curly-headed dude Sam, became a producer and married Tamyra Gray. Kevin (the token black) is doing gospel and Mark is doing insurance (uh what?). As for fine-ass Bryan, you should have seen my jaw drop when I saw his fat behind on the VH1 series Man Band, trying to assemble some sort of washed-up, former boy band group for reality TV. Damn! Were options that limited? Say it aint so. Damn.....it is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_Me_Badd

Neneh Cherry

We always hang in a buffalo stance, we do the dive every time we dance...

Yep, she was one of those artists, I liked simply because she was pretty. She had pretty curly hair and a doll face and the song and video were peculiar so it stuck with me. I recall she was pregnant when she shot the video which shocked the hell outta me. Pregnant? Young? Unmarried? How did that happen? Seriously, I didn't know that happened when I was a kid.

And?

Looks like she is still recording and touring around Europe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neneh_Cherry

To Nappy or Not?

2007-09-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about it for the past few years. I am sick of relaxing, straightening and really, killing my hair. But I'm so used to it this way! I don't know if I could really go totally nappy and natural, yet I've come to the conclusion that I cannot continue to fry my hair with chemicals and curling irons for life as it continues to thin out and turn into nothing. I gotta do something. So I'd been toying around with the idea od goin more natural. Not totally, all out nappy, but to stop straightening my hair and wearing it frizzy, bushy. Not that would be a hug change for me, but I did for a few years after college stop straightening my hair and I found it grew so mych better. It stayed thicker and healthier and it stopped breaking off. And I didn't need to trim it every ___ number of weeks because it stayed better shape.

I'm trying to grow my hair out now; the more processed, colored parts before I do go quasi-natural so I'll have some length to play around with.

What ya'll think?

I mean at this rate, I'm ready to shave my head bald, I'm so sick of dealing with hair.

(Some) Men Are So Damn Oblivious!

2007-09-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

I think I’ve discovered why (some) men are so damn stupid when it comes to women, no really, I think I figured this one out. I think they fail to put themselves in our shoes and see how it feels and questions how they would react if they were us.

Case in point. Friday night, I’m walking down Charles St. alone and on my way somewhere when some dude (of course) says a “Hi, how ya doin”. I say “Good” and keep on going, like I always do. He then makes some comment about how he wants to hold my hand. I’m still walking, don’t look back, keep on going. Why would I stop? Or even engage him in any kind of convo? I then think, what if he put himself in my shoes? And he was then the young, unescorted woman, walking down a city street, close to midnight, and some random, anonymous dude spoke, gestured or commented on knowing your name, where you’re going or whether they can get to know you or worse touch you? How would he feel? Not as a man being gawked at by a woman (who wouldn’t love that?), but as a woman being stopped by a man? It’s not appealing, its not desirable and its not at all wanted. Really. Add on to that, that you are an attractive woman who gets honked at, beeped at, hollered at, catcalled, yelled at and stopped on a daily basis and this particular incident just becomes one of hundreds of annoyances that build a further barrier to keep more and more vagrants out.

But I’m sure he never considered that. He’s just some yo on the street, incapable of thinking outside the small world he lives in. I do think, however, that if more of these kind of guys put themselves in women’s shoes and ask how they’d feel to be here, they might have a better understanding of why so many of us are repulsed by them.

The Girl From Park Heights

I Love My Black Folks But....

Michael Jackson Forever

The Hell That Is Job Hunting

Tales of the Unemployed II: Craigslist is a Joke and Where is All the Vodka Going??

Michael Jackson's Final Curtain Call?

My Oscars Boycott

All My Single Ladies: Happy Valentine's Day!

Apartment Living Rant

25 Things You May Not Know About Me

Tales of the Unemployed

Farewell President Bush, and Oh Yeah, Good Riddance

Friend Request Be Damned

Mayor Sheila Dixon Indicted, Another Setback?

Should old acquaintance be forgot...

Some Favorite Movie Quotes

Stress/Porn

Thankful

The Dream of Homeownership

The Perpetually Single Girl is Off the Market?

Yes, yes, YES!

Final Word on This Election

Halloween Hangover

I Am Over This Election

My New Blog!

Shocking Video of the Moment

Where Were You When...2

Favorite Commercial of the Moment

Chicks I'd Go Lez For

Sorry!

Where were you when...

Kitty Kitchen Makeover

Mama is working

Things I'm Hooked on at the Moment

Jennifer Aniston: It's Gotta Suck

I will no longer complain about my breasts again...

Dear Towson University...

Celebrity Moms: Our New Faux Heroes

Death Is Not A Better Place

Right to Bear Arms?

My Musical Debut

Is Myspace Dead?

Talking About People Behind Their Backs

Sex in the City Movie: My Review

Happy Father's Day

(Some) Men Are so Damn Oblivious III

30 and Holding Up Well?

White Girl Movies

Google Analytics Reveals All

Nappy or Not Revisited

Random Ponderings in May

At Eastern Motors...your job's your credit...

That's Wack, Mr. Beemer Man

No Country For This City Girl

Dear Spammers...

No, I'm actually very happy with my erections!

No, I'm not at all worried about my size

No, I have no trouble going as long as I want to

And for the record, consider me well hung like a Zulu, South African horse on Viagra!

(Some) Men Are So Damn Oblivious II

Three Ways to Get a Husband- A Ghetto Play

Happy Birthday To Me

Smitten

Blast From The Past

Seven Days in Rio

Ate logo, amigos...

RANT: Plugging TV Shows on the News

Things I've Learned From Watching Hardcore Porn

Signs I'm Getting Old/Staying Young

Why Is It...

My Solution for True Justice

The Approaching-30 Mindfuck

Can't a "Skinny" Girl Decide to Lose Weight?

2007: A Year in Review

What Constitutes A Slut?

Don't Call Him Girl

"It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you...

Interracial Dating: Need Some Cream in your Coffee?

*Sigh* I'm So Over Big Boobs

10 Things I'm Grateful For This Thanksgiving

Sigh I'm So Over Big Boobs