Wednesday, December 5, 2007

*Sigh* I'm So Over Big Boobs

So ya'll are probably going to roll your eyes reading this but I've come to the conclusion that big breastisis are so overrated and having then, I'm over it. In fact, I wish mine were a bit smaller.

Once upon I time, I was a young girl, growing and developing and wearing an A-sized training bra in the 4th grade. I kept on growing until I reached a comfortable 34, B-cup by age 12, where I remained until college. I was happy there. The boys took notice, girls envied, I could buy bras in any shop and always had a nice little cleavage that never really interfered with anything.

Then sometime during college, I had another growth spurt and expanded into a 36, C-cup. Still I was pleased. I had a nice round, pert rack that was the envy of most and I could sport any top with pride. I was happy. It was great.

Then again, something changed. I began noticing my bras getting tighter and not fitting right. Buttons popping off shirts. Could it be? Oh snap! At the age of around 26-27, I had yet another growth spurt and was diasppointed to discover I was now a 36 D-cup. A D-cup! I thought that was for older ladies who had already popped out kids, not young trim ones like me. Dang!

So now, buying bras is a total hassle as all the cute ones are for smaller cups, like the lacy or printed ones. Know which are standard in D-cup; black, beige and white solid colored bras. AND, you need to get to the store on like the first day of new merchandise to even get the D-cup sizes. And forget bikinis. If anyone has seen my latest Miami bikini shots, I'm sure you've noticed, I was just barely hanging in there. There's always some sideage, underneathage and overage hanging out, no matter how you try and get it or else buy some overly large granny top with the wire. Please!

Sure, I can rock a clingy T-shirt like no other but in any other low-cut top, there is always the threat of them falling out and spilling over. On the dancefloor, I am always conscious of my boobs, where they're going and whether they are staying where they need to. It hinders my dance skills. Then just laying around in bed or around the house, there's always this flipping and flopping around, swinging and moving independently from each other, just gets on my nerves.

And there's the threat of them getting bigger after childbirth! Naw, naw, naw. This is enough. No bigger. Its just not cute to me anymore. I'd love to have smaller, firmer, perkier little boobs. A B-cup again. Boobs that make the overall shape look more tight and athletic than these big, tired fat-bags taking up my chest.

Not seriously complaining. I realize, I'm blessed. But damn, the blessing can stop now. I need no more!


Rashard G. said...

Wow. Where do I begin here? You know what, I'll just leave it alone. Btw, lmao @ fat-bags.

Erika 2004 said...

Don't get me started!!! I think I was a C-cup at age eleven! And although boys noticed, it was in such a traumatic experience. They used to call me cow and go "moooooooo" whenever I passed by. And when I got pregnant, 36 DD. Double, fucking D!!! I must say, however, I am back to a D-cup. I think due to the fact that I breast-fed for 8 months. But like you, I would like to have a little less. My mother and sister, who are not as well endowed, do not seem to understand my pain. Happy to have some proportion, but damn! Most times, they are just too much in the way!!

Not Your Average Male said...

*Cough* (Crickets chirping...)

Ummm... wow. Where do I start? This is terribly awkward. I see why Rashard backed away gracefully. How do I... what can I say... wow.

Notwithstanding your ridiculously endearing delivery (lmao @ the -ages), I can see how this is a problem. The girl whose locker was next to mine in high school had this problem. It got so bad that they HAD to be reduced for medical reasons. She was Iranian (see why I'm an EEO?)

You know what? For the sake of my male sanity, I'll bid you adieu now.

Hoopskidoodle said...

I agree. In American culture, big boobs are highly overrated. Personally, I, a black man, find the callipygian perfection of a big round butt much more compelling. But, that's just me.

meatwad said...

I'd like to take this moment and avert from gentile tact to make a more profound statement, quoted from the learned thespian, Mr. David Allen Grier.

"I GOTS TA HAVE EM!!!" (plants face between, making motorboat noises.)


The Girl From Park Heights said...


I *heart* the Meat.


kayellejaye said...

If you replaced "boobs" with "ass" that could've been my story. Wanna trade?

Hoopskidoodle said...

"If you replaced "boobs" with "ass" that could've been my story..."

A tremor in The Force made led me to navigate to this blog just now. Now, I know why.

WB said...

I must say I understand on some level but as a breast man I cannot comprehend. Trying to understand in my mind is akin to using a calculator to divide by zero.

Candi said...

I find it funny that mostly men left comments on a topic they can't relate to, lol.

With that being said, I had the opportunity to enjoy the best of both worlds, the itty bitty committee and the sand bag crew. Im only 5'2 and Ive been small my entire life.

About three years ago I gained a lot of weight. Let me rephrase that. I gained a whole lot of boobs, ass and thighs. I went through the bras getting tight and the cute tops not fitting anymore phase. It was cool at first. Since I had been petite my entire life, it was nice to have some curves. The enjoyment didn't last long. The boobs were heavy and they made me look older and fatter. Not to mention the bras cost me an arm and a leg and it was hard to find panty sets that didn't look like they were made for elephants. Who knew the well endowed were suffering? That was three years ago. Ive recently lost the weight - the boobs, the ass and the thighs and Im ok with it. Actually, I prefer to be petite but I feel your pain girl from park heights. I feel your pain.

The Girl From Park Heights said...

To Candi- See that is another point, I forgot to mention. I think having bigger boobs makes youlooke overall bigger and heavier. I normally do lik emy chest but I've noticed in pictures, they do make me look heavier, almost chunky in some shots.

Oh well.

meatwad said...


I *heart* the Meat.


But of course. ;)

Now if I can convince the local ladies how easy it is, I'd be making progress. You need to move up here and save me the trouble. :D

eschaton said...

candi, what do you mean guys can't relate to boobs? Trust me, we REALLY relate to them.

Salesdiva said...

Lawd do I know what ya talking about. My girls have been "hanging" around since as long as I can remember. Harnessing these suckers is an act of Congress. I have never known the joy of going braless and never will, lest somebody gets a black eye.

Now back to the daily task of figuring out which bra/harness will work with that outfit so that I don't have 8 boobs instead of 2.

Cat said...

You are not alone lady. I think I came out the womb in a c cup and have been fluctuating between c and d (weight gain and loss and all that) ever since.I have to wear either large shapeless shirts or tight ones. But I did discover the great invention of a bra minimizer. best thing ever for button down shirts. It does for us big chested ladies what a push up bra does for the smaller gals or gravity challeged women.
Okay nuff of this women's magazine talk.