I Love My Black Folks But....

...the 2009 BET Awards, 'the hell was that???

Ok, let's backtrack. I don't watch BET. Haven't in about 5 years. Just hasn't appealed to me in a very long time for reasons I can't always put my finger on but Sunday night was the awards show and I wouldn't have known if it weren't for the constant Facebook updates by my BET-loving comrades. I kept hearing about this outfit and that performance but everytime I turned it on, I kept seeing some bullcrap: Soulja Boy (who was just awful) or some tired performance by a newbie artist (don't even know all their names).

Finally, out of sheer boredom, I tried to sit down and watch some since they were honoring The O'Jay's. But I barely got through a whole 30 mins without changing the channel.

Why did I see:

• hoards of people standing up like they were at a concert


• too many dudes in sunglasses, in the indoor arena


• guys in T-shirts. This is suppose to be a formal event, right?


• a large sign over top of the stage which apparently changed peridically to show advertising. When I saw a huge sign for Applebee's, I was too through! Why was there an ad there?


• people in the audience texting on their phone

Ugh! What a ghetto event. I know they had the best intentions but I also found the Michael Jackson tributes hard to watch. Seemed too soon, not strong enough and the poor O'Jays were completely upstaged. I also heard about Joe Jackson's sad endorsment of his record business with a mere nod to the MJ tribute. Leave it to Joe and BET to give us this.

Anyway I'm through. BET just aint for me.

Michael Jackson Forever

Woke up this morning and realized it wasn't a dream.

Yesterday, after getting back home from a funeral and feeling this new lease on life, my sister called saying she heard terrible news. Skeptical, I said "oh no, its not true" and turned on the TV and logged on to CNN.com to confirm that he was in fact still alive. And he was. But I sat in baited breath for nearly 30 mins, while news reports came about how he was rushed to the hospital and the medical state he was now it. When they announced he was in a coma, my stomach turned and my throat got thick. When they finally announced that he died, every emotion I had, just burst out of me and I fell out in tears.

Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, my music legend, has died.

And my heart hang heavy was every wonderful memory I've had of his music flooded me.

The very first song, I remember singing the words to was Wanna Be Startin' Something when I was maybe 4 years old and my sister used to play that record. I remember when she brought a video tape home of Thriller and I was so excited but then scared to death when MJ turned into a werewolf.

I recall sitting in amazing with my mother watching the Motown 25 special where Michael showed the world the Moonwalk for the first time.

I remember a neighbor performing the whole dance to Beat It on my front porch and all us neighborhood kid sgathering around and watching in awe. I remember watching that video and coming away thinking gangs were stupid cause Michael said so.

I when the Bad video premiered on TV and my mom calling me and how everybody scattered to their homes to see it and how everybody at school was a buzz talking about it the next day. I also remember the huge crush on him I had at 8 years olf when I decided I wanted to marry him.

I remember when the video for They Way You Make Me Feel came out and how I hated that skinny bitch he was chasing, cause well, that was my man! I remember the kids in school trying to pick on me for loving him that much and how I stood my ground then (and now) and was never deterred.

I read his book Moonwalk cover to cover and watched countless hours of Moonwalker adoringly. He was like magic!

How could I forget the sheer excitement of watching hims dance in Smooth Criminal, when he defied gravity, dance the bad guys away and looked so sharp in his white suit.

I was there when Dangerous debuted and he had the first video showing this new morphing technology on his Black or White video.

I stayed up late at night during my moody teens listening to Stranger In Moscow on my Walkman, when I felt like I had no one in the world.

I felt a soft spot again when Butterflies got airplay and he showed a more romantic side on his Invinsible album.

It have continued to play my beloved Michael Jackson when I was feeling down, needed a smile, something chill to, groove to or wanted to shake my booty down to the ground. And throughout my whole life, his music has been there.

I stood by him during all the rumors, the jokes, the legal allegations, the craziness, etc. cause no matter what, he was the best artist of my lifetime, hands down!

And will always be there.

I think it goes without saying much more that the man, the artist, the music meant everything to me. And no one can take that away from me.

He will live on and so will the music.

Forever in my heart.

Michael Jackson's Final Curtain Call?

And I got a bone to pick with that!

So the King of Pop makes his big announcement today that he's making one last tour, 10 concerts in July, in London. London? London only? *serious eyeroll*.

First off, I have been an MJ fan since birth, I supported him through his first child molestation allegation and have every album since Off The Wall and some Jackson 5 stuff too. I have not yet had the pleasure to see him in concert and would love to but I don't have the ends right now to fly to London. Why the hell is he confining his tour to one arena and one outside the US. Hater! I swear! Why is London getting all the love?

Pfffffff. I guess my MJ concert dreams will remain just though. Oh well. Curtain call!

My Oscars Boycott

...yeah a day late and a dollar short. Shoot me, it was a busier weekend than I'd anticipated.

But back to what I was typing, I don't really do the Oscars anymore, since they began plucking my nerves a few years ago. Yeah, call me a pooper but I just really get sick of the celebrity worship that goes on in this country at times and particularly during these really unstable and unsure times that are scrawled across the face of any newspaper today.

My beef this year is simple, while millions of Americans are losing their jobs, losing their homes and losing their minds, I just can't quite applaud with glee overpaid, overexposed and overrated, stanking rich folks, who are already on top of the world and given opportunities, luxuries and goods that the average Joe will never see in two lifetimes, the chance to win more accolades, praise and worship.

Nope! Can't do it.

And for what? These trash-ass movies I can barely sit through? I just don't really share the enjoyment of giving more to people that have more than enough. I'm suppose to celebrate?

Hollywood can kiss my entire ass!

Some Favorite Movie Quotes

Forrest Gump

Lt. Dan Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet Gump?

Forrest: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him sir.



Boogie Nights

Floyd Gandolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.



When Harry Met Sally

Harry: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.



The Color Purple-I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly, but dear God I'm here, I'm here!



Heathers-

1) Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

2) Grow up Heather, bulemia is so '87.

3) Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?!



The Opposite of Sex-

1) Matt Mateo: I'm bisexual.

Lucia: Puh-lease! I went to a bar mitzvah once. That doesn't make me Jewish.

2) If I save one kid from getting butt-fucked, from having his ass totally reamed until it looks like the Lincoln Tunnel and he can't stand up for three weeks, then maybe all of this is worth... something. Teachers everywhere have to learn that no means no... at least until we've dropped out.



Rocky Horror Picture Show-

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.



Willy Wonka & The Chocolat Factory-

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.



O Brother Where Art Thou-

Pete: You miserable little snake! You stole from my kin!

Ulysses Everett McGill: Who was fixin' to betray us.

Pete: You didn't know that at the time.

Ulysses Everett McGill: So I borrowed it until I did know.

Pete: That don't make no sense!

Jennifer Aniston: It's Gotta Suck

I have mentioned this to friends before but whenever I see glowing pics of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie cuddling their precious newborns or globetrotting through Africa and France with a slew of adorable multi-racial kids, or just walking hand in hand, suited up for a movie premiere, I can't help but to think, its got the suck for Jennifer Aniston.

Let's see

1) She had Brad Pitt, one of Hollywood's hottest leading actors (and hot asses for awhile, stole my heart in Thelma & Louise).

2) Then lost him either due to Angelina (the hottest chick on earth and on my would-go-lez-for list) OR due to the fact that she either couldn't or wouldn't start a family with him.

3) Another reason she may has lost Brad was due to her wanting to further her movie career, which for me, has been dismal at best. I can't really name one movie she's done that was worth giving priority to over birthing Brad Pitt's babies.

4) Then of course, now pushing 40 hard (or there, I'm not sure) and she doesn't seem to be able to find a suitable new guy in her life ie. breakups with Vince Vaughn and now John Mayer. How the hell does John Mayer dump Jennifer Aniston? How does that happen??

5) Also, if she wanted to put career over family, it must be a huge slap in the face to see Angelina not only birth and adopt babies everywhere but still drop movies on the regular. In fact, I just read that after dropping the twins, she's slated to replace Tom Cruise in an upcoming feature. Her career apparently hasn't suffered much.

6) And finally, it has got to put knots in her stomach to see their happy faces splashed over the covers of every magazine together, sharing a spot where she and Brad used to share.

So I feel for Jennifer Aniston. I really do.

Sex in the City Movie: My Review

Ok, just saw this movie yesterday and I'm coming in late with my thoughts.

**WARNING: SPOILER ALERT, DON'T READ IF YOU HAVENT' WATCHED IT YET**

First, loved it! Great movie. Got really excited just watching the opening credits. The ladies looked so fabulous and through the whole thing, I just wanted to go shopping so bad. Ok, now to the point: the ending. I didn't find it emotional at all and was kinda surprised that I didn't though everyone else claimed they did. The whole ending with Carrie taking Big back to me was a bit shocking. Shocking because a man that would leave me stranded at the alter, unable to even get out of the car and with no explanation besides "I just can't do this" is a man, I would NEVER SPEAK TO AGAIN! That high level of uncertainly smacks of not loving me enough and I couldn't spend my days feeling secure with that. Even if he got enough balls to try it a 2nd time. I honestly don't envy Carrie and I think she's got a long road with Big/John.

I was also disappointed that in trying to contact Carrie, Big chose to re-type poems from other authors than to express his own feelings. That was lame and wouldn't have garnered much sympathy from me. I mean Carrie is a professional writer, how wack to simply cut-n-paste someone else's words?!I thought Kim Cattrall looked fab at 50 and Cynthia Nixon hot in her nude sex scene. I hope I'm rocking it as well at 40 and 50+. But Sarah J Parker, I'm convinced is starving herself. She is so unnaturally, unflatteringly thin, it concerned me. There were scenes were she lifted up her arm and all you saw was bone with a mere slice of muscle hanging on.

I also applaud this movie for focusing on women 40-50 years old having sex. I think Hollywood tends to shy away from storylines of older women still getting theirs but one completely embraces it. But on the real, watching Kim Cattrall's Samantha, you forget (or not even realize) you're looking at a 50 year old woman.

And I love and support Jennifer Hudson but found her contribution, kinda, uhh, pointless. I mean it felt as though they just really wanted to write a character for her in the movie but there really was no point. It didn't add anything to the movie and she time she spent on screen, I'd rather watch the other 3 main characters. Worse, she ended up getting back with a man that originally told her she wasn't the one. Aren't we forgiving? But that, to me, is unforgivable. Relationship eternally over.

More kudos to the juicy, prominent male nudity of Gilles Marini. Delighted was I by the eye candy and the arousing shot of his hanging manhood (and rock hard ass). I don't care if it were fake or not, its about time we get to see more of men in films. Hell, women have been taking it off for decades. Thank you producers for giving us a nice peek!

Overall, great fun. Now I gotta get shopping!

White Girl Movies

Oh white girl movies. You know the ones. The one where some all-American, Wonder bread white girl... Kristen, Julie, Sarah, Laura or Kelly is facing some obstacle. Her husband or boyfriend left her, she's trying to get ahead in her career, she's got a dream, she wants to dance, write design, find true love, carve her path, reach for her dreams, take your pick and in the end gets exactly what her heart desires and everything is right in the world again.

*cue Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten*

I so hate these movies. Not because they appear to be written specifically for dreamy-eyed white girls who always get their man in the end but because they are so fucking saccharine sweet, so utterly predictable, so lame, squeaky clean cut and chocked full of eyeroll-worthy lines and boring plot lines. But worst than that, are the freaking trailers. I feel like I can sniff them out by now. They start with white girl in question, then reveal her issue, her wacky friends/family and how she's going to solve it and then like clockwork, as if there is a template or guidebook trailer producers have created where they end the trailer with the biggest draw; the empowering white girl music.

*cue Michelle Branch's Everywhere*

This is the part that is suppose to make white girls feel good (and I think it works). The white girl rock hits a pivotal note or climax in the song right as they are revealing the true meaning and motive in the story. And white girls go flocking, in droves to the theaters to see it. This has to be a set formula that studios have tapped into. Not lying, I know I'm not the only whose noticed.

In fact, if I were smart, I'd tap into the market and try and capitalize. All's I gotta do is write a story where cute white girl, let's call her Emily is having a rough time or being denied something she so badly wants. On the way to pursuing this want, she runs into cutie pie white boy, we'll call him Brad. They meet cute and through a series of obstacles end up in love. We'll cast either Kate Hudson, Mandy Moore or Reese Witherspoon as Emily and maybe Patrick Dempsey or Adrian Grenier .Cue something by Avril Lavigne or Vanessa Carlton. And bam! You gotta yourself a million dollar movie!

Don't believe me? Check out the trailers below.

Blast From The Past

The year was 1992, and I was 14 thinking I was about 20 when this one hit and every girl I knew, in the damn school had to quickly learn this entire song, word for word and the ones who could sing (like me) had to try their best impressions, nearly every chance we got. We ran this song in the hole! But SWV were my girls! And I was wearing out every song they put out from my meager lil boombox. I recall my best friend and I analyzing every detail of their videos and for the life of us, we coudnt figure out how Garfield from Shai (the hot one in the beginning) could even date Coko, who we thought wasn't much of a looker. And those fingernails! But I always loved her voice and jocked all their songs. I miss them. Come back!



(As I was posting this, I had to sing along through the whole thing. Twice!)

RANT: Plugging TV Shows on the News

So maybe it was a slow day or week. Maybe they had nothing else newsworthy going on in the world and in Baltimore. Maybe they ran out of better ideas this morning, when I tuned into Fox 45, for the morning news and heard them plugging the new (and ridiculously stupid) reality show Moment of Truth a total of 5 times in the hour between waking up and heading out the door. At one point, it had its on feature in the middle of the news.

First, I understand that its a Fox affiliate so they want to promote their dumb little show, but why on the news? Once upon a time, I swear the news didn't do this. Second, they spend way too much time on this segment, even showing an interview with the show's producer to further promote it. And its so silly. Basically, they hook contestants up to a lie detector and give money to the person being the most honest. And of course they're going to ask the most sensitive, private questions, cause what would a show be these days without scandal, humiliation and exposing personal info for the public's entertainment.

To Fox, the show sounds absolutely retarded. Why not get off the stupid reality bandwagon and invest in better programming ideas.

To Fox 45 in Baltimore, seriously, what a waste of news coverage, spending too much time promoting an equally stupid TV show. Focus on news. Focus on something that may be helpful and informative to the community. Focus on something that may mean something to people (while you have the ability to capture a wide audience). Focus on something that can give people hope. Or something that can educate.

But stop saturating the airwaves with more and more bullshit. We have enough!

E Major's Nuthin'Nice/You Know That Video

Doing another favor for a friend, I got asked to play an extra in my friend E Major's video Nuthin' Nice. So on time I was and on the set two weeks ago to play an exta, which then turned into Girl#4, or a role I like to call 'Pissed Off Stripper". The premise is he's interviewing girls for a job and I guess I was suppose to be some sort of reformed stripper (with a visual resume in hand) trying to make anew. The backstory I created was that I had two kids to feed and was trying to make a new start on the straight and narrow but apparently I was disqualified for the position due to my unseemly past.

Damn, ever since that Verbatim video I've been typecast like a mofo! Nevertheless, the video is mad tight.

Big ups to the director Hilton Carter and the Undersound Crew. Ya'll are doing it!

E Major's Nuthin' Nice/You Know That

http://www.myspace.com/emajorthegeneral

The 48 Hour Film Project (DC)

(Repost from Myspace)

So once in the fall of 2006, I did an audition for More Bullets Productions for the lead role in this film Dying Wishes. I
didn't get the part not did I hear back from them. Fine, whatever. What I didn't realize is that they actually did like me (they really liked me!) and decided to keep me in mind for a future comedic part. Fast forward to the present and I get an email in mid-April 2007 asking if I'd like to be apart of the 48 Hour Film Project. I'm like what's that. They send me the link. Basically, its a film competition in the DC area where you're given the genre, a character and one prop and 48 hours to complete a 6-7 minute film, get it screened and voted on and a winner is chosen. Well, hells yeah, sign me up. I'm in!

So the Friday beforehand I get my assignment and was shocked to find I was the lead role. I had to get to Manassas, VA at 6am that Saturday but not before I picked out 6 different outfits for the shoot (at 4am no doubt). The film was entitled Rooster.com ("Don't block the cock") The genre was fantasy (which totally threw me off) and the plot went like this: I was to play a mousy, plain jane, office clerk who works for this totally obnoxious adware company rank with bullies, idiots and complete morons. I dream of quitting my job and actually play out fantasies of different ways to do so, hence the fantasy aspect.


There is cowboy western scene, a zombie scene (I didn't get to be a zombie), a film noir/Maltese Falcon scene, a kung fu/street fighter scene (where they badly dubbed our voices) and the blaxploitation scene inspired by my very own Foxy Brown pic from my Myspace profile. And it was on!


I worked my lil booty off all day and night and drove home at 12am fighting sleep, but I'm happy to say, it came out great. And with rave reviews:


From the 48 Hour Film Project blog:

Our main actress, Charlee, was incredibly awesome. She came prepared and ready to roll. She got to the gettin'.

From Matt Patton (producer):

Charlee- We can't thank you enough for coming out to Manassas ass early in the morning from Baltimore and completely nailing every scene on the head. You owned every 'character.'

We had two screenings at the AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring and won an audience favorite award. Overall, it was an amazing experience and now I'm itching to do more. Soon as I can get an electronic copy, I'll post it here for everyone to see. To the peeps at Gaucho:

Jon and Dave: Thanks for keeping me in mind when I thought I was completely forgotten about. You guys are so damn funny and a joy to work with! Special thanks for letting me beat everyone's ass on camera as well as not getting jelly in my hair. Jon you were kickass in every role!

Darder-Thanks for the good eats. And the bidet experience, which hopefully you'll never know about.

Rhys- Thanks for adding the 'popups for my popups' That was hot!!

Michael- The most amazingest makeup artist and female with the most male name. You beat me out on that one! Damn!

Matt- Thanks for the DVD copies. You did an excellent job in the packaging and imagine my surprise when I say my name and face all over it. And you were the best awkward office dude ever even thought you edited it out. You rock!

Dorfy-(sorry don't know how to spell it) Special thanks for providing the biggest laughs and letting us all know there's donuts! 13 of them!

And to the rest of the Gaucho/More Bullets/Angry Ogre family, you all were so great to work with. Let's definitely do it again!