Friday, August 31, 2007

Let the Kickball Season Commence

So I joined a kickball league this fall and kickoff is this upcoming week. I just got our schedule and got a look at the other teams' names. They are hilarious and now I wish we had a more creative team name than Drunk Enough to Kick your Ass.

Here's some of our competition:
Menace II Sobriety
Baltimore Boozehounds
See You At Recess BITCHES
Negative Net Worth
Go Balls Deep
The Matzoh Ballers
Slow Children At Play
The Reverse Cowgirls
Federal Hills 21230
Oops I Crapped My Pants
We got the Runs
Milk Was A Bad Choice
The Pu-Tang Clan
Balls N Dolls
Hit It and Quit It
Fah Q
Multiple Scorgasms
Drunk Dial Us
Sponsored By Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor
Free Mustache Rides
Just Plain Drunk
A Burning Sensation
I Promise I'll Pull Out
Tulips On Deez Balls
Where's Your Beer, Bitch?
Will Lose 4 Booze

Not hard to tell there will be lots of drinking on this league? Now I'm excited! They tell me that the usual is hitting happy hour before the games, then they bring coolers of beer to drink during the games. Then hit the bars afterwards for post-game celebrations. Sweet bastard this should be fun. Beer! Men! Big balls!

This is going to be the best sport I ever played!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Pheenin' For My Next Fix

You entered my system, like a viral infection
within my blood,
and I liked it.
I allowed it.
I devoured it.

Your kiss penetrated,
your words,
like a sharp prick against my throbbing vein,
my emotions,
spin upward and out of my control,
sending all types of chemicals to my brain.

My heart rate escalates,
my knees become weak,
my temperature rises,
I'd scream,
but I can't quite speak.

I close my eyes,
allowing reality to fade,
feels as if time is in retrograde

Totally vulnerable,
I embrace you slipping inside,
while I enjoy the full extent,
of this magic carpet ride.

If its really good, I feel like I can fly
no lie,
yours must be the purest of all supply.

Suddenly, all my problems have gone away,
Magically, all my troubles have washed away,

I'm singing, I'm sailing,
I'm dancing, I'm wailing,
my eyes are glazed over,
I'm laughing out loud.
I'm larger than life,
walking on water,
I'm floating upwards toward the sky,
hovering dreamily,
I can touch the clouds.
Tonight, I am a queen,
until the high comes down
tomorrow; a pheen,
and wandering aimlessly around.

my skin's gone cold
shaking and twitching,
the buzz has grown old.

I find myself curled up in a ball,
up against the wall,
my stomach tied into knots,
I'm cold, then I'm hot
The emotional effects of withdrawal.

The aftermath aint easy,
Why'd you do this to me?

Soon, my whole body aches
my extremities shake,
but I’m wide awake
this is more than I can take.

The adrenaline subsides and dissipates
and I am left with,
the distance and isolation,
that my temporary highs create.

I'm parched,
I'm thirsty,
I'd trade up whatever I could give,
just to have two more hits.

Staring at the ceiling,
mental thoughts scattered in disarray,
yet on one item,
a feeling,

Crawling around disoriented,
in a haze of confusion,
I'm hungry,
no starving,
I'm searching
and craving
and pheenin'
for my next fix.

© 2007

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Uh Oh! Blowjobs a No-No?

Ya know, with the rate things are going these days, I think there may actually come a time when you will have sex and upon climaxing, get up and drop dead. According to researchers, CNN reports that it may be possible now to develop oral cancers from oral sex from HPV-infected men. Now how would we know that a man is infected? Good question since there is currently no way to test men at this time. Sucks for us ladies huh (or maybe not)?

Guess that gives us a great excuse (for now) as to why we can't go down there. Um, dude, cancer!

Friday, August 24, 2007

"Keep Smiling"...Why?

Why is it, that nearly every new message I get from some random guy from the internet, signs their messages with the phrase "keep smiling"? Is that the new thing now? Is it suppose to leave me smiling to myself and thinking about him? Or thinking 'awww, he's so sweet', he must like my smile? Are all these guys who've written me, friends of some sort and one has basically copied off the next when writing strange women online for lack of creativity? Am I suppose to feel enlightened by his percieved positivity? Am I suppose to automatically smile after reading it?

First, am I smiling to begin with? Do I look like the type of person that likes to walk around cheesing all day? Do I need to smile, cause personally, I'm happy with my usual demeanor. Can't I just be? Oh, that's right. I can.

"Keep smiling?" Who cares??? Course it never bothers me when they sign it 'stay beautiful', cause well...that actually makes sense.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The South Beach Vacation

After a year of talk, me and the girls finally made it down to South Beach in Miami, and seriously, I did not want to leave. We stayed at this adorably cute spot right on the beach and lounged and ate and shopped and chit-chat and ate some more the whole time.

Unlike Ocean City, MD, the water was actually turquoise and see-through beautiful. And felt like it was 75 degrees. And the men! Whoooo, child! I never saw so many fine ass men in my entire life. Every one of them it seemed was jogging and frollicking around the beach with apple butts and cut abs and firm thighs and tanned arms. Matter of fact, everybody there was tanned including me, getting nice and crispy dark.
But I loved it! It was hot and sunny everyday. We were in walking distance of everything you can eat, buy or lounge on there was so much activity everywhere.

So I began thinking, I should move here! The weather is hot, there's lots to do, plenty of hot men, bars, partying, young people, I can walk around half naked, what's the minus? But I got a bit discourage when I asked a friend about the dating scene and she replied that it was mainly "white and shallow". So me and the girls went to the club Mansion to check out the scene and despite the long line waiting behind a velvet rope, I found it rather tame and the women there had nothing on me. The music was their downfall (it was mainly techno and no Bmore club of course) with only one small room dedicated to "urban" music fans. I was unimpressed but no longer intimidated. Though I take note that there weren't enough nappyheads walking around.

Perhaps that will change.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

My Love/Hate Relationship with Baltimore

Ask anyone whose spent any amount of time with me (particularly traveling or leaving my hometown) and they've probably picked up on my almost utter contempt of the city of Baltimore; where I was born and raised. And alas, parts of that is true. There are certain aspect of the city that I have truly grown to hate and that which, I'd love to pack it up all and move the hell away from. People often ask me (ok, my family who'd never want me to leave) what is so wrong with Baltimore? Why would you want to leave? What's the big deal?

Good questions. Ok, let's see where to start.

The Schools
Having grown up and within the Baltimore City public schools, I can safely and easily say we have some of The Worst schools I have ever heard of. Misappropriated funds. Rampant under achieverism. Buildings literally falling apart. Tired, worn out underpaid teachers, outdated books, lack of supplies, lack of college-bound prep, violence, teen pregnancy, gangs, drugs, lack of after-school programs and access to tutoring. Where do I stop. I clearly remember having to use razor blades to cut up a project while in class because we weren't supplied with scissors, having textbooks from the 1960's that we couldn't take home because there weren't enough of them, not really ever having homework in high school (which did not help my transition into college any easier), sitting in a class half full of knocked-up, teen parents (a few on their 2nd childs), NO SAT prep offered (at my school anyway) and from what I heard over half never complete college. No surprise there since most of us were passed through below standards. Sure, I finished college and went on to graduate school, but I'm the minority there. And while I'm proud of that achievement, I still would never allow a child of mine to go through city schools.


I seriously never had a problem with transportation since I was a driver and never really had to consider it until the recent gas hikes and I began taking public transpo. I'm lucky. I live near a subway station and not far from the Light Rail, but if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to really get anywhere without taking 45 mins. I don't even know how someone on the eastside, without a car would get downtown since the metro does not even run on their end. Not until I'd spent some time in DC, New York and Boston and used their subway systems did I realize just how young and lacking ours is. A car is a must in this city.


What nightlife? Unless you frequent (and like) ghetto establishments such as Club One, Xanadu (formerly Club X), or can deal with Powerplants Mosiac and its sloppy, drunken club goers, Baltimore has little to offer in nightclubs or dancing. I can't even think of one really nice spot to go dancing besides Red Maple on Sundays only. We have few really nice places which have good music, decent people, chill atmospheres and where you'd actually go back the next week. I don't know of any other city that is basically dead on Friday and Saturday nights. The assumption is that everyone is now going to DC. That's wack. We should have out own. And much kudos to the club promoters I know that try every week to bring people up, but it seems like the entire atmosphere needs an overhaul. People come up from out of town and are embarrassed for us.

The Dating Scene

Now this is gonna sound harsh, but I've said it verbally and I'm gonna write it right here. Cause somebody has to. The dating scene here abso-freaking-lutely sucks! The main problem (for females anyway, can't speak for the men) is the complete lack of eligible men to date. I'd say that 93.7% of the men here are plug & butt-ugly, then out of the rest, you'd be lucky to find a guy that is actually looking for something other than a friend-with-benefits type relationship, a fuck buddy or some other variation of a non-committed-type, ass option for their pleasure and convenience, under the age of 45. It seems the men here are in no hurry to make any sort of commitment to any women, even in their upper 30's and because they have the extra advantage of being a man (cause let's face it, they seems to be no shortage of eligible woman everywhere), they can pick and choose and repeatedly throw away whatever they become bored with and move on to the next. There, I said it. And what!


Well, we all have heard that Bmore is one of the top 5 most dangerous cities in the nation and blah, blah, blah. Well, it is! We've already surpassed last year's homicide rate, at a climbing 190-something, up 30 more bodies from last year and I think every time I turn on the news, someone else was shot up the night before and more bullet-ridden bodies were found on some block, on somebodies side of town. I think we are so used to hearing of so murders that we don't even blink when we her them anymore. My first thought is 'what street this time'. For one thing, I know we have a shortage of police officers but second, we seem to have a host of corruption within the force. The numbers (and bodies speak for themselves)

Ghetto Mentality

My biggest pet peeve of all with this city, would have to be that fact that ghetto mentality (a phrase my beloved father coined), runs rampant here! Too many people here would rather try there best trying to keep up with the stars they see on BET and in broke down rap videos, than to really educate themselves, rise up and get out of poverty and into an improved economic situation. Its always sad to see a 40 year old trying
Ok, yeah, I sound like a real hater.

BUT I have to add that as much as Baltimore sucks in my mind, it is still my place of birth, where all my family resides and where I call home. So there are things that I definitely miss and appreciate when I'm away.

Baltimore Club Music
There is nothing like Bmore club to me! Call me what you want but I LOVE me some Bmore club. No other club music compares in my mind to the "8/4 beat structure" of true Baltimore club music. No to be confused with house or techno, there is no other music quite like it. And if you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry, I can't even begin to define it, But if you see me stop what I'm doing and pop off one of my shoulder/hip/elbow maneuvers, Bmore club must be playing.

Bmore is a very affordable town. I live very comfortably, with a very low rent. You can still get drinks for under $5 (sometimes $2). Real estate, though climbing is not as ridiculous as other cities and the overall cost of living here is reasonable.

Though this is a predominately black city (64%), there is still lots of cultural backgrounds here 9even though they may be in different neighborhoods). Latinos, Carribbeans, Jewish, Russians, Trinis. We have a good mix. Not to mention the oddball homeless we have. On any given day you can find some smelly schizophrenic downtown singing Marvin Gaye unsolicited but beautifully on key. OR you might catch some crazy exposing himself to innocent bystanders leaving an O's game. That's real!

Its Home!
Most importantly, no matter where I go (and I hope I go somewhere else soon) Baltimore will always be my home and its where allmy family and friends are. Most of the time when I leave for whatever reason, I am so relieved to walk through BWI and see those "fear the Turtle" billboards for U. of Maryland and get in my car, hit 695 and head toward Reisterstown Rd. I am tickled to be back to where things are famaliar and cozy to me.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

The Beyonce Experience

So last night I had the pleasure of checking out Beyonce's The Beyonce Experience show and OMG! It was seriously THE BEST concert I have every been to. Soon as she hit the stage with Crazy in Love, every body was up on their feet, booty-dancing and singing right along with her.

But I have to say, I don't care what people say about her, the chick has mad talent. She performed for a full 2 hours with only brief 5 minute breaks in between dancing and gyrating to every beat, not missing a single step and still had the breath to then blow us out away with her powerful voice. She did not miss one melisma-laden note. The chick was popping that booty to up-tempo songs like Jumpin, Jumpin and Baby Boy, then she'd slow down and belt out Listen or Dangerously In Love and rocked it! She sounds exactly as she does on the tracks. She sounded amazing!

She did some Destiny's Child stuff, as well as some interlude of Jill Scott's He Loves me and Gnarl's Barkley's Crazy and even incorporated mixes of the Pink Panther theme and the Cellblock Tango from the musical Chicago before she came back out to do Ring the Alarm in a long red fireman's style coat. And I have to admit, I felt particularly inspired when she began singing Survivor and Me, Myself and I, two of her female-empowering anthems.

And she was absolutely beautiful. She was rocking this super long, super wavy, loose curled hair that she flung around so many damn times, you'd think she'd get whiplash, but no, it all stayed on and nothing came out and no, she did not fall at all that night. The abs were tight and I swear you couldn't even tell she was sweating (and it was hot as a mofo in there). Backed up by an all-female band and some cut male dancers who I did not mind watching grind and hump the stage floor at times, the entire show ensemble rocked. An when she got around to singing Irreplaceable, there wasn't a person in there who didn't have both hands raised and pointing "to the left, to the left", male or female and singing word for word. I seriously did not want the show to end. But she ended it by singing Happy Birthday to any 'B-day' peeps in the audience and throwing a sweat-soaked towel to one girl who couldn't stop crying.

I walked back to the subway pumped up and ready to go dancing and wondering why I didn't take the morning off. Nevertheless, The Beyonce Experience? Indeed!

Sunday, August 5, 2007

What is Park Heights?

Outside of B-More, you probably have never heard of the Park Heights community in northwest Baltimore. Well, its where I was born and raised and pretty much still love near.

Park Heights is a long main street that basically runs from the more hoodish areas below Northern Parkway (where I grew up), and houses more lower-income blacks, Caribeans and other immigrants, then runs into a middle-class section of blacks, Russians, and Latinos (where I currently reside), then goes even further into it gets into the more affluent section of custom-built and million dollar homes on large acres of land (that I'm assuming are mostly whites).

I grew up below Belvedere Ave, near Pimlico Race Course (I could hear the announcer from my bedroom window) but moved further up with my family in the middle of my teens. But despite Park Heights' negative reputation for high crime and drup violence, I'm happy to say I had a very happy childhood but parents who sheltered me from what was going on around me. I was never what you call disadvantaged.

I'm not at all ashamed to admit I grew up in what some would percieve as such a poor area because I like to believe I beat the odds and am proof that your external environment doesn't necessarily have to dictate your ultimate fate, especially when there are two good parents there showing you that you can and will do better.

So that's where I'm from. And not to get all Jenny From the Block on you, but no matter how far I go (and I plan on going far), inside I'm still that little, pony-tailed, brown-skinned girl from Park Heights.

Park Heights

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Little paws on my pillow.

Happiness this morning for me was waking up to little, white paws, right next to me on my pillow.

Unhappiness for me this morning was having that same adorable kitten puke up her breakfast on my open-toed sandals.