Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Why I'd Rather Go to Hell

(Repost from Myspace, Feb 2006)

I was talking to a friend a long time ago about this theory I have on Heaven and Hell. Bare with me, cause some of my ideas may be a bit extreme. But I was thinking, what if this whole Heaven vs. Hell theory was really just a big conspiracy perpetrated by the devil himself to weed out all the cool people from the wack ones. Cause the way I look at it, if all the saints, do-gooders, and goody-two-shoes in the world are going to Heaven and all the sinners, killers, fornicators, players and badasses are going to Hell, well then Hell must be where the big party is at.

I mean think about it. What will there be to do in the kingdom of Heaven? Can you drink? Are the movies all PG? Can you even have sex? I'll bet then you'll definitely have to be married. Is there oral sex in Heaven? Hip hop, heavy metal or rump shaker music in Heaven? Kentucky Fried Chicken? Herb? I highly doubt it. What will there be to do besides walk around in all-white robes, plucking harps, drinking apple juice or virgin daiquiris and listening to the Word all day long? That's not exactly what I consider a good time. In fact, that's kinda lame.

Now Hell on the other hand, that's where you can get sex, drugs, porn, alcohol, debauchery, basically if there were an afterlife party, that's where it's gonna be. That is where I can wear my super-mini skirts and do Tequila shots. That is where the good music will be played. They will probably have the best DJ in the world. And that is where all the party people will be at, not in Heaven. If all the things that we really enjoy and that are bad for us, then they won't be allowed in Heaven. And that alone is why I'd rather go where I can be happy. So if I had a choice of where to spend all of eternity, I'd rather be where there is good times with fun and crazy people like myself.

And you know it's gonna be the jump off!

Hope to see you there!


Anonymous said...

Now this topic brought up interesting conversation in the household. I never thought about heaven and hell that way before. You should be able to drink in heaven. Wine anyway. Jesus had the ability to turn water into wine after all.

ajani said...

hah... im trying my best to get to hell, without going to jail at least. I only hope all of this fun stuff is cheap in hell. It would be messed up if there was a party but a rum an coke was like $100,000 ... so you would be forced to work as a slave and sell your ass for $.05 an hour .. just so you could maybe one day enjoy the most awesome party ever.

Well .. its worth it.

** special note: I was high and drunk when i wrote this!

Kelly said...

Given that death is the seperation of the soul from the body, you think I'd still be allergic to weed in Hell?

sexualchocolate said...

Im there! can I get on the guest list?