2007: A Year in Review

Well, another one has come to an end and as usual, I like to look back and reflect on the year. It was a good one. Interesting, rocky in some areas, but full of growth, good times, new adventures and some nice surprises.

The Goods:

• after setting a goal to get into local film last fall,m I'm delighted to say I not only started doing some acting and writing but starred in 4 local films during the year, one of which wsas screened at the AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring and won an audience favorite award. Go me!


• I also had the opportunity if being apart of a 2nd video shoot (see E Major's video), which was not only fun but gave me the opportunity to see some good friends I hadn't in awhile.


• Finally got to go to Miami's South Beach (see that thread for pics).


• Finally got the spend an entire weekend in New York, spending too much money but had a ball.


• Finally got to go to San Diego, twice on business and see the left coast.


• Had the pleasure of seeing Beyonce and Citizen Cope in concert.


• Went camping for the first time.


• Started my very own Baltimore Filmmaking Group to help local filmmakers network.


• Saw Chicago, the musical, in the theater.


• After a long round of sucky, uneventful, yawn-worthy and dismal first dates, I finally had an amazing first date with someone that proved to be a cut above the rest. Can't wait to see what else happens!

The Sucky Stuff:

Well, true to form, there were also a handful of awful, yucky stuff which honestly doesn't even deserve bullets here. There were some really dreadful, painful moments, lots of tears shed, remorseful things were said, regretful areas where things weren't said, hurt feelings, rejection, loneliness, writer's block (who knew), procrastination, agitation, various annoyances, migraines, friends left behind, friends who left me behind, job boredom/aggravation, conference calls, too-long meetings, isolation and overall suckation.

But that's all behind me now. A new year is approaching and as always, I'm going in and coming out with a bang. And I'm excited to see how this one unfolds and what new adventures I get into.

See ya on the other side!

What Constitutes A Slut?

I have was a having conversation recently about the news of Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's lil sister being pregnant and all the disdain and disgust from it and noticed how quickly people are to judge and label others, particularly celebrities. Specifically, labeling people as sluts and whores and it got me thinking; what really constitutes a slut? Perfect example: Paris Hilton.

Its no secret, that the heiress has a sordid reputation and is widely called a slut, a whore and loose, but to be quite honest, I'm not completely sold on this nor do I think its totally justified.




What would actually make her a slut? My definition has always been someone who casually sleeps around or has sexual relations with several people at a time. Do we know that she's has done that; has slept around with numerous people?

Here's what we do know:

• she was engaged to Jason Shaw from 2002-2003, then engaged to Paris Latsis is 2005. She was also in commited relationships with Stavros Niarchos III and Rick Salomon.


• She's also been quoted as saying on Regis & Kelly "One-night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more, if you don't just hand it to them on a platter."


• She's currently in a committed monogamy relationship with a Swedish model.
  

So what exactly makes her a slut? Ok, here's what more I dug up:

• She was featured in a sex tape (1 Night in Paris) with then boyfriend Rick Salomon, which was then distributed for profit against her wishes. She even sued her ex for damages.


• She's appeared in a number of ads and endorsement deals scantily clad and sexually provocative (The Carl's Jr.'s campaign comes to mind). She has also be photographed half naked many times.


• She has been seen out many times without underwear.
• She dresses sexually provocatively.


• She is known for being a hardcore partier and has been spotted out on the club scene regularly.


• She is a women with many friends and dates frequently and has been spotted out with many guys and kissing and canoodling with differnet people.

So in evaluating with I know and have read about her, I have to ask again, what makes her a slut? Is it the sex tape? Cause I seriously know lots of people who have done things on video or had pictures taken of them in compromising positions.

Is is because of her highly sexually charged pictorials and ads, such as the Carls Jr's ad? Or is it because she's done this to promote products or sell her image? I myself, have had photos taken in a sexually provocative way to promote photographers' work and for my own personal portfolio. Turth is, most top models are photographed nearly naked. In fact, a succesful model is one that has to be comfortable enough with her body to potray what the clients need.

Is it the going commando? Because I can assure you, there are many women who have gone out without panties on. We have been lucky enough to not have papparazzi following us and recording our every move but its done, all over the world and probably at a club near you. And probably not even a club.

Could it be the sexually provocative dress? Many other women do this for a night out on the town, for their husbands or boyfriends, to the beach or just for fun. Is it 'you are what you wear' or 'if it walks like a duck...'? Does just showing your body is a provocative manner, mean you're slutty or easy?

It can't be the partying and drinking cause we've all pretty much been there.

What about being seen out with different men? This one hits home with me. For years, I was a swinging, single girl who dated often and very frequently and if papparazzi were following me, they would have found me out with different guys on the regular and probably assumed they were boyfriends, lovers or what have you. Truth is, I just dated a lot. But despite the large number of guys I might have gone out with, there was only a very small fraction that I truly dated and spent time with and an even smaller amount that I was intimate with, in commited and non-commited relationships

So again, what makes Paris Hilton a slut? Or Britney Spears a slut? Or Kim Kardashian a slut? Cause I've heard all these women called these names. Seems to me that these women have had a string of committed relationships (some acts caught on tape, others not) but we have no real proof of them having random sex with anyone. Sex with boyfriends, yes. But just anybody? I guess some may have a different definition of the word but going by these examples, well that would clearly make me a slut or a whore, since I'm guilty of most of the same things.

So am I a slut?

Someone has also mentioned to me that this is due to the whole virgin/whore dichotomy that exists in our society; that women can truly only be one or the other. Although, I believe every women has some angel and some devil in them to varying degrees.

And I don't even have the time to get into how if any of these women were male, they would be heralded as playboys and a players, not sluts.

I just find it interesting how quickly we are to label women as sluts and I still have a difficult time understanding why.

Don't Call Him Girl

Girl,
before you even think about picking up that phone,
remember how he left you hanging,
stranded, sad and all alone.

Before you even consider sending that text,
recall his guarded walls,
and how he had the balls,
to curtail his a daily communications,
to weekly, check-in calls.

Before you get all excited,
remember how your feelings were left unrequited,
Don't allow your mind to forgive the bad and emphasize the good.
Remember you were not considered,
you were not invited.
You were slighted.

Before you start to spin fantasies
all up in your head,
remember you were never in his,
at least not outside of his bed.
Remember what he did,
and not what he said.
Cause his words only attempted to feed,
the heart that needed to be fed.
Leaving the mind confused,
the soul shaken; the heart bled.

Lets go back and recall,
How he pursued you like a hawk,
And how you let him in,
Cause you thought he was genuine,
and then it crumbled when the catch was caught.

Take note of the blatant excuses,
Which got more and more absurd.
How baffled and dazed he left you
And when his actions didn't match his words.
Fuck what you heard!

Why should you try to mend a union,
that was never quite on track?
When you took steps forward,
and he took steps back.
And why should you compromise yourself
for a situation that was wack?
Only a fool would put up with his fuckery
Only an idiot would go back.

I remember how you were stressing,
over how you were confessing,
that your feelings were progressing,
too bad, his were regressing.
Depressing.
The love that's right won't keep you guessing.

Girl, don't buy into his temporary charms
he'd rather try his hand at all the beautiful women out there,
then to focus his attention on the one in his arms.

If his feelings were true,
He would have fought for you
the breakup was overdue
you alone can't build a house for two.
You came with your honesty,
he bullshitted and flew,
What is a girl to do?
You were smart the first time,
when you bid him adieu.

Your history was rocky,
only when he was bored, he appeared.
He entertained you just for the moment,
Then weekends hit, he disappeared.

You tried, he lied,
you cried, he denied.
Why give him back the option
and let him decide?
Why invest in a man that could never provide?
When you have everything to give,
and nothing to hide?
Is this a symptom of loneliness
or are you all about the ride?
Between you and him is a great divide.
Girl take back your pride!

Don't delude yourself into thinking,
he had the package deal.
Don't settle for some breadcrumbs,
when what you want is a real meal.

If he gave half a damn,
he’d have shown you that care,
he’d had put in the effort of building something,
the two of you could share.
And his sexin’ was hardly the best.
Oh yes!
I went there.

You'd be playin' yourself to go back.
Don't let him disgrace you.
Cause he didn't even bat an eye,
to replace you.
Nor is he breaking his neck now,
to chase you.
Or come correct with deserving treatment,
to embrace you.
Don't let him waste you.

You accepted him flaws and all,
while he made comments that made you feel sub par,
You were attentive to his needs,
trying to get closer,
while he toyed with your head,
and kept you emotionally far.

Know that this comes,
from a source of love
Please don't take this as an attack.
You call me, when you're feeling weak,
talk to me if you need a good smack.
Cause you deserve so much more,
than his tired, played out act
Keep moving forward, baby girl.
Don't look back.


© 2007

"It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you...

...(left you) without a dope beat to step to. Step to, step to, step to..."

*sigh* I know some of you have probably been checking in and wondering where am I; why haven't I been up on my blogs. My apologies. Like anyone else, life has been happening lately and keeping the mind utterly preoccupied and consumed. But I'm hoping to clear the head and get some blogs up soon.

So what's been up with me? Here's the rundown:

• Xmas (yes this agnostic celebrates the secular holiday). Been trying to scrounge up money to buy gifts for my loved ones and homies. Every opportunity is shopping, scraping, hunting and pecking. Sucks!


• Immunizations. Did I tell ya'll I'm going to Rio De Janeiro next month? Well, the immunization costs are a beast and have put the breaks on my social life. I barely have 5% of my pay left after that. That's real.


• New projects. So I'm been slated to work on a new documentary with a DC filmmaker friend of mine, except this time, I'm going to be more involved in the writing and directing of it. In fact, he says, I'm doing all of it (ha ha)! Research and planning needs to take priority. Shooting schedule will follow in January. Yay! Least that is fun.


• 'Member that whole 'hating winter' rant? Like a mofo! Let me tell you by the time I grind my teeth through 40 mins of rush-hour traffic (cause its below my minimum temperature requirement to take metro), peel off the 3 layers of clothing I have on and clean my dripping, runny nose, I'm so not in the mood most evenings. I seriously need to decompress and that has gotten in the way of blogging.

But it won't be long ya'll. As always, I'm be cooking up sumthin' sumthin' for ya soon!

Kisses & licks,

Girl From Park Heights Blog Management

Interracial Dating: Need Some Cream in your Coffee?

My girl Cat had posted a blog the other week about interracial dating and the woes of the black women and I responded but it still got me thinking on the subject and I wanted to share my thoughts here.

I'm sure by now, most of us are famaliar with the sad statistics on how nearly half of black woman will never marry, can't find good men, are having babies out of wedlock, raising kids alone and blah, blah, blaze blah. Basically, if you're a black woman who had your heart set on meeting and marrying an eligible black man, and worse if you're professionally successful and highly educated, well, you may be shit outta luck.

However, research articles are saying it may be light at the end of the tunnel. Its funny how me and my black girlfriends will be out and we'll see a black man with a white woman on his arms and immediately scrunch up our faces and think 'why her? when there are so many of us wandering around'. However, its even funnier how when we see a black woman out with a white man on her arms, we want to cheer, give high fives, standing ovations, dap, love etc. And why?

Cause you know what I say: Take their men too!

Don't hate! Congratulate. No better yet, conjugate, copulate, mate! That's right. Black women, iffin you are trying to secure a committed relationship with marriage potential, please do not sell yourself short by only considering one type of guy. There are so many more out there and truthfully, you just may have to consider different colors and flavors! Why should we go without while all our racial counterparts are getting their men and building homes and lives together, while we struggle trying to be mothers and fathers, raising kids and maintaining homes alone or worse not having kids cause we haven't found a partner! Why should we accept perpetual singledom if that's not what we want! We need to expand our horizons.

Seriously, we are too good to be missing the boat on having a family or finding true love. Sometimes you just need to step out of your comfort zone and try something new. You maybe surprised what you could stumble upon; like a real love.

*Sigh* I'm So Over Big Boobs

So ya'll are probably going to roll your eyes reading this but I've come to the conclusion that big breastisis are so overrated and having then, I'm over it. In fact, I wish mine were a bit smaller.

Once upon I time, I was a young girl, growing and developing and wearing an A-sized training bra in the 4th grade. I kept on growing until I reached a comfortable 34, B-cup by age 12, where I remained until college. I was happy there. The boys took notice, girls envied, I could buy bras in any shop and always had a nice little cleavage that never really interfered with anything.

Then sometime during college, I had another growth spurt and expanded into a 36, C-cup. Still I was pleased. I had a nice round, pert rack that was the envy of most and I could sport any top with pride. I was happy. It was great.

Then again, something changed. I began noticing my bras getting tighter and not fitting right. Buttons popping off shirts. Could it be? Oh snap! At the age of around 26-27, I had yet another growth spurt and was diasppointed to discover I was now a 36 D-cup. A D-cup! I thought that was for older ladies who had already popped out kids, not young trim ones like me. Dang!

So now, buying bras is a total hassle as all the cute ones are for smaller cups, like the lacy or printed ones. Know which are standard in D-cup; black, beige and white solid colored bras. AND, you need to get to the store on like the first day of new merchandise to even get the D-cup sizes. And forget bikinis. If anyone has seen my latest Miami bikini shots, I'm sure you've noticed, I was just barely hanging in there. There's always some sideage, underneathage and overage hanging out, no matter how you try and get it or else buy some overly large granny top with the wire. Please!

Sure, I can rock a clingy T-shirt like no other but in any other low-cut top, there is always the threat of them falling out and spilling over. On the dancefloor, I am always conscious of my boobs, where they're going and whether they are staying where they need to. It hinders my dance skills. Then just laying around in bed or around the house, there's always this flipping and flopping around, swinging and moving independently from each other, just gets on my nerves.

And there's the threat of them getting bigger after childbirth! Naw, naw, naw. This is enough. No bigger. Its just not cute to me anymore. I'd love to have smaller, firmer, perkier little boobs. A B-cup again. Boobs that make the overall shape look more tight and athletic than these big, tired fat-bags taking up my chest.

Not seriously complaining. I realize, I'm blessed. But damn, the blessing can stop now. I need no more!