Monday, January 21, 2008

Signs I'm Getting Old/Staying Young

Signs I'm Getting Old:

  1. I now get excited about sales on linens and towels at Kohls

  2. I prefer watching HGTV and TLC's home remodeling shows over music videos and dating shows.

  3. I can't stand MTV's The Real World and now refer to the cast as 'kids'.

  4. In fact, anyone in college and under the age of 24 I refer to as 'kids'.

  5. I'm seriously considering marriage, kids, mortgages.

  6. I stopped reading US Weekly and Cosmopolitan in favor of Psychology Today and Women's Health.

  7. Curtailed my beer drinking in favor of wine.

  8. I am now turning down offers to be a video ho in local rappers' videos (I still got love for them tho!)

  9. I take great pride in mopping floors and keeping counters meticulous.

  10. I'm eating more and more vegetables and liking them.

  11. I'm working out at least 3 times a week and loading up on water.

  12. One item on my To-Buy list this year is a new suit.

  13. I've outgrown Madonna and Janet Jackson and I wonder why they are still trying to perform.

  14. I think all new children's programming is junk in comparison to The Smurfs, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Jem and the Holograms, Reading Rainbow, Zoobilee Zoo, Today's Special, Punky Brewster, and Pee Wee's Playhouse.

  15. I still own VHS and cassette tapes. I still own a cassette player (though I don't use it much). And a VCR (ok, its a dual VCR/DVD).

  16. My niece, who is 18, looks at me like I'm crazy when she sees me dance or hears half the things that come out my mouth. (May not have to do with aging).
  17. I like old school rap better than new rap (and I hate southern rap).

  18. I"m having a harder time keeping up with new music onthe radio. I have to ask my niece 'who is that?' and 'what is the name of that' (could be because I hate the radio and avoid it most days).

  19. Sometimes when I dance for a bit, my thighs begin to hurt. Sometimes I'm sore the next day.

Signs I'm still pretty young (or still immature)

  1. Still sang along and laughed with glee watching The Muppets Take Manhattan the other day.

  2. Delaying marriage, kids and mortgages in favor of self-fulfilling pursuits.

  3. I still read Glamour.

  4. Will still down tequila shots and give the impromptu lap dance.

  5. Will still send 2am drunken text messages of my bare butt in mid-air.

  6. I still dump way too much sugar in my coffee and tea and in cereals that probably don't need it.

  7. I could seriously live off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And chips-n-dip and popcorn are dinner meals to me.

  8. I still lay into til noon or later on weekends.

  9. I still think I can get away with wearing teeny, tiny mini skirts. (and low-rise jeans).

  10. I'm still amused by fart and dick jokes. Still love X-rated and bawdy humor (loves me some Jackass).

  11. I still love video games and can play for hours.

  12. I still dance around my living room like I'm performing on stage for an invisible audience.

  13. I still scoff at authority figures and think I know better.

  14. I still ohhh and ahhh over Barbies and babydolls passing through the toy sections.


Your Friendly Neighborhood Skeptic said...

I'll pick a few here at random to comment on.

2.I watch a lot of Discovery/History channel which may have more to do with me being a geek than it does me getting older.

4.I refer to anyone under 21 as "kids" maybe since I'm 3 years younger than you. Next year anyone 22 and under will be considered a kid I guess.

6.Geek Monthly for me. I never realized how your taste in periodicals can just change seemingly overnight.

8.Can't say anyone's ever asked me to be a video ho, unfortunately.

10.Veggies ROCK!

11.One day you wake up and say, "I'm getting older. I need to start taking care of my body." Then you go out and jog in the frigid morning air, come back in the house and say, "Fuck that. I'm not doing that again.'

12.Janet should have stopped 10 years ago..Madonna's expiration date was during the Clinton Administration.

14.Shit, I've been saying that for about 10 years now. All the cartoons nowadays are imported from Japan for some reason. Where's my Transformers, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Thundercats, etc? Oh that's right, they're making them into movies these days. Fuck.

15.What's a cassette tape?

17.After The Fall of Hip-Hop (yes, I gave it an official title) I started digging in the crates, so to speak, myself and have really started to appriciate all kinds of music I never listened to before.

18.Is it just me or is there a new "artist" debutting every hour on the hour? 90% of these people release one song and then go back to their jobs at Denny's. The music industry is saturated with crap.

I"m scared as fuck of feeling old and I think that point's gonna sneak up on me. When me hairline receedes, my metabolism slows down, and I have to go every 2 minutes instead of my normal 5 I think I'm gonna have a meltdown. But as you pointed out here, it's so crucial to find the things that make you feel young. Btw, I'll be playing video games until either the arthritis the cataracts or ol' death itself curtails that. To all you old farts who say they're kids games, fuck you.

Thank you.

vagabond said...

Could I get on the 2am, drunken, ass in the air text message list?

Where do i submit my phone number?

Candi said...

I'm just happy to know someone else watched Zoobilee Zoo. And girl don't get me started on Reading Rainbow....

Butterflies in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Reading Rainbow

Not Your Average Male said...


That's all I can really say right now.

wv said...

Hey what do ya say make a PB&J one time kid!

Cat said...

I used to love Reading Rainbow so much that I tried to make my own show with my camcorder and a book and some background music (with my sister to help)!
Aww 80's childhood. Nuthin beats it.
Anyone remember those pick (or was it name) your own adventure books? We used to play in the neighborhood with those and act out the scenarios.

James Tubman said...

god i love peanut butter and jelly

why the hell would you ever eat out if you have that in you cubbard lol