Monday, November 19, 2007

I So Hate Winter, I Swear

Yeah, I know, it's not even winter but just the drop in temperature lately to 40 degrees has got my griping already and getting ready to have a 'tude over the impending new season anyway.

I hate winter time. And here's why.

I hate cold air. I hate the feeling of a chilly, winter breeze, freezing my cheeks, watering my eyes and turning my nose into an instant faucet, so much in fact, that I have to dig into my pockets praying to the gods I don't believe in that there are some old tissues hidden in there to clean up my snotty nose.

I hate large, heavy, bulky woolen coats and thick socks; gloves that I have to cover my delicate little fingers with but then also have to pull them off to find change or do anything that requires me to decipher what I'm touching. I hate wearing scarves to cover my neck or hats so I don't catch a death of cold, which also serves to mush down the hairdo that I spent meticulous time creating before I left the house and of which I'll have to refix, soon as I get to my destination. I hate having to be bundled up. I much prefer for my skin to receive as much sun and air as possible. I hate having to wear layers and socks with shoes to keep my petite, 'lil frame warm.

I hate snow. Yep, I hate snow. Cause while its all pretty and peaceful looking when you're cozy in your house, in pajamas, sipping on hot cocoa, with nothing to do but curl up with a book or watch movies, its a pain in the crack of my ass when you then have to go to work and must brave the elements in the aformentioned layers of clothing, armed with nothing less than an ice scraper, defroster and thick snow boots to first, clean off your car, then dig it out its spot and pray when you leave that some selfish mofo won't immediately take the parking spot your worked you lil snot-nosed, frozen cold ass off cleaning up.

I hate how my car acts in the snow. Unlike the beautiful, glory days of summer, when it takes off smoothly right after the key is in ignition, its V6 engine, ready and willing to do just as I say. Under 30 degrees, it will hesitate as if wiping the sleep from it eyes and clearing its throat as if it say 'You want me to do what, now? And where?' There is always the 5 seconds when it acts like it won't start and I think 'oh well, have to call outta work' and then the moment when it does and then its 'aw, damn', when the engine slowly and tiredly kicks in.

Then you get to hit the nasty roads. Thanks to the snow, the roads are then condensed into smaller lanes. Sometimes multiple-lane roads become one-lane roads as you try to bypass ice patches and simple drivers that didn't see the ice patches, swerving in your lane as you then swerve elsewhere to dodge causing a collision, for fear of increasing that daggone auto insurance rate. If its still snowing, visibility is poor as you put your wipers on high and squint to see through the frosty windshield. Then when you get to where you need to go (at double the usual time), half of the parking spaces are gone since the plows needed to push the snow somewhere, so you're trying to squeeze into what available spot is left and leave yourself room to get out. Then at the end of the day, you get to do the cleaning and digging again. Oh what fun!

I hate how the beautiful snow, then turns dark and cruddy and dirty a few days later, coating the city streets with ugg. I hate the salt the plowers spray on the sides of your car and how you have to get it off quickly for fear of it ruining your paint job. I hate how my car looks 5 days after a snowfall. I also hate the loooong line at the car wash the first day the weather is clear again cause everybody had the same idea.

I hate how during the winter months, it gets dark by 5pm, making it twice as hard to go back out in the evening since it feels much later than what it is. I also hate the lack of sunshine and gray sky snow brings as it puts a damper on my overall mood. Bright sunshine is happiness to me.

I hate having a birthday in the dead on winter; February, when nasty weather always threatens to ruin my plans. I recall the flu bug that would mysteriously go around every single February growing up, trying to cancel my birthday parties. I hate that the going-out options are limited when its 20 degrees out in February and that nobody wants to go out in February, including me!

I hate sweaters. I hate turtlenecks. I hate any clothes that restrict my body and covers every inch of my skin. I hate how dry my hair and skin gets. I hate trembling. I hate having to almost make a run for it anytime I'm outside to get from the building to the car as quickly as possible.

I hate it!


Skinny Black Chick said...

LMAO! Thought its really not funny. I'm not looking forward to winter either. Living in Cleveland, winter is HELL!

Erika 2004 said...

Damn, tell us how you really feel :)

I feel you though. Winter can truly suck here in MD. Do you remember the winter about three or four years ago? Two feet of snow and about 4 feet of snow drift. I had a Tracker at the time, could barely see it in the snow. We were literally snowed in the house. After about three days, cabin fever struck. We had to shovel out way out the front door. Our street was a mess. Unless you had a snowmobile, you was going no where. When the snow plow finally came through 2 days later, people came out and cheered.

But, you know, it certainty could be worst. I think last year or the year before, residents in NY got like 12 feet of snow and it was still snowing!!! If MD ever gets snow like that, it is time to move!

Rashard G. said...

OMG, I HATE the winter too. I would kill it if I could...seriously. It was a big part of the reason I moved to Georgia. You speak of dry skin, my legs and elbows look like Malik Yoba's lips after I get out of the shower. And shower, I never want to get out b/c the rest of my home is so damn COLD. I hate the fact that I can't wear shorts indoors. I hate the sight of my own breath, it mocks me. Isn't it twice as hard to seperate yourself from the comforter in the morning? Grrrrrr! Winter is the only entity in the universe that both sucks and blows. I hope you die, Winter. Go Global Warming, go!!

The Girl From Park Heights said...

Rashard- LOLing at Malik Yoba's lips!

Mwaaa hhhhhah haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Yes, winter, I curse thy name!

But as Skinny chick did point out, we actually don't even have that bad of winters here, but jus tthe slight whiff of 30 degree air and I just cringe.

Curl up.



Abe said...

The worst part about the cold is when you have to use your hands, but your fingers are so frozen that you can barely make a fist. Isn't it fun to try to make a phone call when you can't even feel your fingertips?

A pain in the CRACK of your ass? That's deep -- pun intended.

I switched to State Farm and saved a ton of money on my car insurance.

Coating the streets w/ ugg? What precisely is the chemical composition of said ugg? I'm quite curious.

Illness and dry skin are terrible, indeed; however, I have to admit that I enjoy a good sweater or a turtleneck w/ a modest neck. I can't stand the ones that submerge you in fabric. I need to be able to turn my head and breathe. I'm not down with asphyxiation, not even a little bit.


mp1 said...

I gotta agree and disagree with SBG. Living through Cleveland winters is enjoyable for the snow fights and figurines...but that ish can wear off quickly. When you gotta dig through it and spend an hour knocking ice from the windshield of the truck, you hate the season. But I gotta admit, I'd miss the snow if I didnt see it every year. Guess I'm just weird like that!

Meat said...

I just realized the irony in you saying you hate Winter. lol